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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you try someone else's wedding dress on?

213 replies

WinterIsHereJon · 16/12/2016 07:35

I'm getting married next year. Bought my dress a couple of months ago, and it's been living at my mums house away from where DP could see it. I was talking to my gran last night, who accidentally let slip that when she last came to visit both my mum and my sister tried my dress on for fun. I'm really upset and angry; it's supposed to be special but sort of feels less so now somehow. My mum and I have now fallen out as it was "just a bit of fun". I can't believe they would think it was ok! AIBU or overreacting?

OP posts:
Bananabreadordead · 16/12/2016 09:46

YANBU I'd be RAGING.

It's not "just a dress", it's THE dress you're going to wear on your wedding day and it's incredibly special to a lot of people.

I'm a bride to be and although I'm not bothered really about my dress etc, I TOTALLY understand why the OP is upset. It's the fact they didn't ask. It's disrespectful to the OP and completely disregards how she feels.

It's also a bit spiteful from your mum and sister, almost a "lets see how I look in OP's wedding dress" as if they might wear it better. Oof, I've got the rage just thinking about my sister doing this!

YANBU!

user1471470316 · 16/12/2016 09:48

Sigh - people can be so... short-sighted at times!

Whether or not thought it was 'ok' to try your dress on is immaterial.

It's dress.
And you told them that it wasn't ok.
And on that basis, knowing that their actions have upset you, they should apologise.

I think the reaction you are getting shows that they know they shouldn't have done it and are trying to trivialise how you feel about it.

YANBU.

SilkThreads · 16/12/2016 09:48

sorry, pressed post too soon...

but it was at MY request.

I think your sister might have been seeing how it looked on her (not right really) but your MUM trying it on is a whole other level of wrong, imo!

WeAllHaveWings · 16/12/2016 09:49

This would really piss me off too.

I wouldn't fall out with them but I'd take the dress from your mums and find somewhere else to store it (maybe a friends) and tell your mum why you are doing it, you think its better in the circumstances you store any wedding stuff elsewhere with someone you can trust. It is your wedding dress and they were very unreasonable to be playing with it like children!

Does she have form for snooping/crossing boundaries?

ItWentInMyEye · 16/12/2016 09:51

Yanbu, very sneaky and mean of them. I'd be upset too. Get it out of there.

ThatsWotSheSaid · 16/12/2016 09:53

YANBU it's one of those few things in life that's just for you. Now it's tainted.

user1471545174 · 16/12/2016 09:54

YANBU. Dress would have been safer at gran's.

There's something tacky and bullying about using other people's special stuff behind their backs.

sophiestew · 16/12/2016 09:58

No I wouldn't but Monica Geller did it. Smile

Would you try someone else's wedding dress on?
SheSaidNoFuckThat · 16/12/2016 09:59

Yanbu!! One thing for people to try your dress on after the wedding, by not before - just rude

Ilovenannyplum · 16/12/2016 10:00

YANBU
I'm getting married in 12 days, I'd be pissed right off if my family were trying my dress on

RestlessTraveller · 16/12/2016 10:03

Weddings do funny things to people. I'm pretty laid back about my wedding next year and when I first read this thread I thought meh, it's just a dress. But then I thought some more and I think this would irritate me but I can't put my finger on why. The rings thing though strangely doesn't bother me at all!

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 16/12/2016 10:07

YANBU

Some other people set less importance on dresses for weddings, but OP has, like the majority of people chosen an expensive, special dress ready for a day that will be special to her. There is the risk of damage- enough dresses are damaged through the course of the wedding. But it's the lack of respect. It's something unique for a special event being used for silly dress up without her consultation.

As a teenager, my cousin and I dressed up in my mother's wedding dress a few years after her wedding, and that upset her (it was stored in another house). To us, we were playing and romanticising. To her, it was an expensive, special item.

paap1975 · 16/12/2016 10:08

YANDU at all. On the eve of my cousin's wedding, her brother took a "peek" at her dress and damaged it. It was horrible for all involved.

Bogeyface · 16/12/2016 10:10

Of course YANBU

Ask your mother who she would feel if you took her brand new car for a spin around the block before she had driven it. Not exactly the same but close enough!

It is not just a "frilly frock" (how fucking patronising!), for most people it is the most expensive dress that they will ever buy, for that reason alone it needs to be treated differently to a normal outfit.

BalloonSlayer · 16/12/2016 10:14

I think it's pretty off too.

I see sophiestew has posted the Friends thing. I always thought that was an awful thing for Monica to do (and right out of character too given she was so set on everything being clean). How would Monica have reacted if someone had worn her dress?

OP YANBU

RuggerHug · 16/12/2016 10:15

Silk sorry but WHAT? He SUCKED YOUR ENGAGEMENT RING? Envy

Candlestickchick · 16/12/2016 10:16

YANBU

It's your once in a lifetime special dress, probably the most important and expensive thing you'll ever wear. It's not fucking rent-a-gown for anyone who fancies a quick go in it.

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/12/2016 10:29

I wonder if they took selfies in it?

I'd be absolutely hopping mad if someone did this to me. Angry

And hurt, actually Sad

FurryLittleTwerp · 16/12/2016 10:32

I'd even consider changing the dress, that's how strongly I'd feel about this.

blankmind · 16/12/2016 10:38

What a horrible thing for them to do.

Go over there and examine every inch of it really closely, if there are any marks or smudges, torn material, broken zips etc. tell them they've damaged it and they have to buy you a new one.

If it's okay, make them pay for it to be professionally cleaned (if it can be cleaned without risk of damage) before you wear it and store it somewhere else until then.

peanut2017 · 16/12/2016 10:44

Yanbu thought you were going to say they tried it on after your wedding which of course is fine. This is a really mean thing to do

Aki23 · 16/12/2016 11:07

YANBU that dress is yours. I would be livid and very upset if anyone had tried on my dress - think of their unwashed bodies and makeup! - hope they are going to pay for it to be drycleaned. Whilst they say shouldn't fall out with your family, I know I would have even if it was just for a while. How upsetting :(

Rachel0Greep · 16/12/2016 11:14

YANBU at all.
I have been privy to seeing, even minding more than one wedding dress in the family and I can't even comprehend why anyone would think it okay. It's put safely away and not even touched by anyone, except the bride.

I'm glad you know it happened though, I visualise them laughing, thinking they are ever so smart on the day, because they put on the dress, unknown to you.
I hope that they didn't dirty or damage it. Angry

TaraCarter · 16/12/2016 11:16

No, I wouldn't, because I wouldn't try on someone else's 'ordinary' smart party wear without permission!

I entirely fail to see how cheap moralising about the importance of marriage makes trying on someone's wedding dress acceptable. Hmm

I wouldn't parade up and down in someone's £79 off-the-peg high street dress before they went out to dinner in it, and it's surely a bigger imposition with a very expensive wedding dress that has been fitted to the owner!

Helbelle75 · 16/12/2016 11:19

I would have been fuming!