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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nursery manager was right?

244 replies

user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:22

My friend works in a nursery. Last week just before 8.30am (a busy time for them and they were short-staffed as two nursery nurses were late) an unknown woman bashed on the door, and when the manager answered, said she needed to use their toilet. She was insistent and emotional, said she had Crohn's and had the right to come in as she was registered disabled. Nursery manager said no and directed her to the public loos about 3 mins away. Woman then soiled herself, and asked to come in to clean herself up. Again, manager said no.

Since then, this has massively kicked off on Facebook, with the nursery and manager 'named and shamed,' the woman has said she'll report the nursery to Ofsted and the police and there's nasty posts all over the nursery's FB page. Staff are worried the nursery will be shut down; manager is very upset at the vitriol and insults being aimed at her.

AIBU to think the nursery manager didn't do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 14/12/2016 10:26

I can see why the woman isn't happy but you can't expect a nursery to just let strangers walk in. She could have been anyone.

loona13 · 14/12/2016 10:27

Manager was right, strangers are not allowed to nursery full of children, and I strongly believe they have nothing to worry about re shutting the nursery down.

chickenowner · 14/12/2016 10:29

Absolutely agree, no-one should be let into a nursery unless the staff know exactly who they are, and they have the necessary checks.

I doubt very much that the nursery will get into any trouble about this.

Obviously I sympathize with the woman involved, what a horrible thing to happen, but she is blaming the wrong people.

VeryPunny · 14/12/2016 10:29

Awkward situation but the manager did absolutely nothing wrong IMO.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2016 10:29

I would imagine Ofsted would be more bothered if they let a complete stranger in tbh.

Admittedly it was a long time ago, but back when DS was at nursery anyone who wasn't well known to staff (e.g. a grandparent) needed a password.

ChasedByBees · 14/12/2016 10:30

Nursery did the right thing.

SolomanDaisy · 14/12/2016 10:31

I can't imagine Ofsted would do anything other than confirm that the manager was right not to allow strangers access to the nursery. I feel sorry for the woman with crohn's, but the manager really couldn't have done anything else.

Lugeeta · 14/12/2016 10:32

Yeah woman sounds crazy. Surely people realise random people can't just demand access to nurseries!

BillSykesDog · 14/12/2016 10:33

Yep. Totally did the right thing.

Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:34

Hallelujah, some common sense (/people who agree with me Grin )

I will show these responses to my sister. From what I can see online, the manager could have escorted the woman in, but was under no obligation to do so.

OP posts:
Glastonbury · 14/12/2016 10:34

Manager is right and I say that as someone with Crohn's. They have to safeguard the children.

Missrubyring · 14/12/2016 10:35

Although I do feel sympathy for the woman, the managers priority is to the children, she did the right thing IMO.

mouldycheesefan · 14/12/2016 10:35

Ignore the woman, ofsted and police will not be remotely interested.
If I was the manager I would temporarily close the Facebook page. It's not essential. I would write to parents clarifying for their children security random strangers are not allowed in the nursery regardless of the reason.

Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:36

Lugeeta on FB there are literally hundreds of people saying the woman should have been let in. Some people are saying it's a human right and that no ID should be needed. THE WORLD HAS GONE CRAZY!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/12/2016 10:38

I don't think someone does have the legal right to enter any premises, private or otherwise, to use the loos if they are disabled, although happy to be told I'm wrong? Can someone just knock on the door of my home and business and demand right of entry?

Agree nurseries can't let people walk in off the street, especially ones who may be ill, to ensure protection of the children.

A horrible situation all round but I don't think the manager is at fault. I do think the woman should not be naming and shaming on line. The manager has a duty of care to the kids which has to come first and foremost.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 14/12/2016 10:38

It's a one word answer from me too: Safeguarding.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 14/12/2016 10:40

I wonder how many of those people would be happy if some random person was allowed to use the facilities at their child's school or nursery and something happened.

The manager did nothing wrong.

The keyboard warriors who have nothing better to do than to try and ruin people's livelihoods are really pissing me off at the minute.

Hardshoulder · 14/12/2016 10:42

I feel huge sympathy for the Crohn's sufferer, as it's a horrible illness, but it seems fairly straightforward that, even if the nursery manager could, at a much quieter moment, have personally escorted the woman to the loo, she wasn't being in the least unreasonable in the circumstances to refuse to admit an insistent stranger at a particularly busy time when she's already understaffed and dealing with small children being delivered by rushing parents.

Glastonbury · 14/12/2016 10:43

I am a member of the Crohn's and Colitis society. Part of the membership is a "Can't wait" card. You can show this in shops/restaurants etc to ask permission to use the toilet. Nowhere has to let you it is at their discretion.

Having been in the lady's situation many times I know how awful and embarassing it is but in this instance she is wrong.

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/12/2016 10:44

Hell no, run a childcare business and we have locked doors, id checking procedures and so on for a reason. Even the inspectors get asked for ID before we let them in!

Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:45

Glastonbury she had that card, and a Blue Badge, and a key that can unlock public disabled toilets. I have no doubt that she did have Crohn's and was desperate.

OP posts:
ButtfaceMiscreant · 14/12/2016 10:47

I would be furious if my DCs nursery did let any old person in off the street, regardless of the reason, and I would raise that with Ofsted. The nursery manager is absolutely in the right; imagine if she had let the woman in and something had happened to a child? She would be raked over hot coals for that by the very same people calling for Ofsted to shut her down.

harderandharder2breathe · 14/12/2016 10:47

Awful situation but no the nursery manager did nothing wrong.

I feel for the woman who must've been mortified. But surely you go to businesses open to the public like a shop before you go to a nursery that will have safeguarding requirements.

The nursery manager has to put the safety of the children she's responsible for first. She tried to help by directing the woman to public toilets (unfortunately too far away for her to reach in time). I bet she feels horrible but it's a no win situation, and she did the least bad option

CondensedMilkSarnies · 14/12/2016 10:48

Taking it to the Nth degree , the woman could have had a gun ffs , so even escorting her in wouldn't have been any good .

doomf · 14/12/2016 10:49

Goodness me of course she shouldn't have been let in! The world has gone nuts with this blame culture.