Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nursery manager was right?

244 replies

user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:22

My friend works in a nursery. Last week just before 8.30am (a busy time for them and they were short-staffed as two nursery nurses were late) an unknown woman bashed on the door, and when the manager answered, said she needed to use their toilet. She was insistent and emotional, said she had Crohn's and had the right to come in as she was registered disabled. Nursery manager said no and directed her to the public loos about 3 mins away. Woman then soiled herself, and asked to come in to clean herself up. Again, manager said no.

Since then, this has massively kicked off on Facebook, with the nursery and manager 'named and shamed,' the woman has said she'll report the nursery to Ofsted and the police and there's nasty posts all over the nursery's FB page. Staff are worried the nursery will be shut down; manager is very upset at the vitriol and insults being aimed at her.

AIBU to think the nursery manager didn't do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 12:21

In fact I would avoid a nursery who had an open door policy

MrsFozziwig · 14/12/2016 12:22

The nursery isn't at fault. The nursery's primary role is to safeguard the children.

The nursery will not have the funding to employ extra people on standby just in case random strangers off the street want to use their toilet Confused

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2016 12:22

LittleBusses - strangers are not going in and out all the time ffs. Have you ever even used a nursery. Viewings are by appointment only, and never during the drop off or pick up rushes! What planet are you on????

Indrid · 14/12/2016 12:23

The safe guarding policies and ofsted guidelines and insurance are set up to allow for visitors under set circumstances like parents visiting. They do not allow for strangers off the street using the facilities. The manager would likely face disciplinary if she let her in and ofsted could have closed them if a parent complained about it.

FannyFifer · 14/12/2016 12:25

What about if a courier delivered something to the nursery that needed signed for & carried in and then they asked to use the loo?
They are already in the building & a staff member is already dealing with them so is that still a no?

happymumof4crazykids · 14/12/2016 12:25

The manager did the right thing. While I feel for the lady having a medical condition does not trump the safety of children in a professional daycare setting. The manager had no way of knowing if her need was genuine and has a duty of care to the children not the woman. The time the woman spent arguing about her condition she could have made it to another facility and then would possibly not soiled herself.

crabbiearses · 14/12/2016 12:26

Im sure Thomas Hamilton used an excuse to enter Dunblane school and shoot innocent children , safeguards are in place for a reason, being a female and disabled doesn't trump that.

MrsFozziwig · 14/12/2016 12:26

Little some nurseries, or whatever, might have the capacity to allow an ad hoc visit to the nursery.

That doesn't mean they all do.

That particular nursery might have a high need child there who wouldn't be able to cope with a stranger on the premises.

There might have been a staff member off or at a drs appointment and so ratios were at the maximum anyway.

The point is, you don't know. The nursery was following their policy. There really is nothing to discuss, tbh.

Besides, an a visit by a prospective parent who calls calmly in the morning, explains that they would like to visit and why and is given a time later that day when it will be convenient for them to come is a very different prospect to a complete unannounced stranger bashing on the door.

The nursery acted correctly.

pepperpot99 · 14/12/2016 12:27

Your sister did the right thing OP. The woman should have gone to the public toilets.
Hindsight is all well and good but did the woman have an up to date enhanced DBS clearance certificate with her? of course not.
Maybe you could link this thread to the facebook page where the nursery is being criticised.
I'm so glad I am not on facebook and threads like me remind me of how much I hate it.

MrsGB2015 · 14/12/2016 12:28

The manager was right, what if she was w crazy person with a knife (or worse!)
It's sad but in today's climate I wouldn't want an unknown person in my child's nursery. As a parent I would support the manager all the way and be very thankful.

MrsFozziwig · 14/12/2016 12:28

Fanny I would expect them to refuse, tbh.

MrsFozziwig · 14/12/2016 12:28

pepper not everyone wants their comments linked to a fb thread tbh.

pepperpot99 · 14/12/2016 12:29

Also, threatening to 'report them to OFSTED and the police' is just laughable. I can just imagine the call to 999: "I'd like to report a nursery for not allowing me to use their toilet.". Yeah, good luck with that one Hmm

MollyHuaCha · 14/12/2016 12:29

Sad case indeed. When I was looking at day care, I chose to make my first call in person unannounced so I could see what they were really like. In all four nurseries I was invited in immediately off the street to have a look round, often with the nursery manager saying brightly 'We normally like to make appointments, but...'. I didn't have a child with me, it was just me - a lone female with a large handbag.

Of course nurseries need to safeguard children, but I see a double standard here. The woman wasn't allowed in because she was a distressed stranger with no interest in enrolling her child in the nursery. If she had been a calm stranger with a cheque book in her hand, she'd have been pulled in through the door. It didn't matter if there was a public toilet 3 mins away. People with Crohn's don't always have 3 minutes.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 12:31

She obviously had more than 3 mins Molly as she stood there arguing first

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2016 12:33

If she had been a calm stranger with a cheque book in her hand, she'd have been pulled in through the door.

That won't be true for decent nurseries. Ofsted would probably close them down tbh.

KitNeutron · 14/12/2016 12:33

Awful situation, and I have a lot of sympathy for the woman. I suffered temporary IBS symptoms after having my gallbladder out and the lack of "notice" as it were for needing to go was terrible, I didn't want to leave the house at all and had a couple of very near misses.
But awful as it was, the manager was right in her decision.

MiaowTheCat · 14/12/2016 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/12/2016 12:35

I suspect if you pitched up at morning rush time you would not be invited in. Pick up and drop off time is really, really busy, risks are higher than usual. Most facilities - layout dependent- will have a member of staff constantly manning the door. Staffing levels can also be a little lower due to staggered starts - not everyone will start at say 7 if the nursery is open till 6.

Calling in at 11am is very different to 8.30. We would consider an ad hoc visit at a quiet time if someone was available to escorts constantly.

2boysnamedR · 14/12/2016 12:36

Agree - no one would be allowed to view my child's nursery without a appointment. Maybe they are shit hot on security then? TBH it's something that's very high on my list when picking a setting. Nursery isn't cheap so my standards are set high

glitterazi · 14/12/2016 12:36

I would imagine Ofsted would be more bothered if they let a complete stranger in tbh.

This!! Why on earth would Ofsted be upset that they DIDN''T let in a randomer off the street trying to burst in to use the toilets?!
I'd have thought they'd have been more likely to have commended her!
You can't just walk into schools or nurseries off the street and demand to use the toilet, however urgent your need.
There's strict security in child care settings now - she could have been anyone.

PoisonousSmurf · 14/12/2016 12:36

Ofsted would praise the manager! That woman could have had a very bad tummy upset. Could have contaminated the whole nursery!

Indrid · 14/12/2016 12:37

If someone is a visitor, even an unexpected one, there is a reasonable expectation that they are there to visit the nursery, and the odd unexpected parent visitor is likely allowed for within the risk assessments of the nursery and therefore covered by insurance and would be ok'd by ofsted.

A visitor off the street to use the toilet won't be covered and the manager would be the one to risk her job if she allowed it.

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 14/12/2016 12:38

As someone with IBS (ok, not crohns but the urgency and pain can be as bad) and a child at nursery I would be livid if the nursery let someone in for this.

I have every sympathy for the woman, I have been in awful situations myself, but the children's safety should be the nursery managers no. 1 priority and I'm glad it was!

moggle · 14/12/2016 12:40

Fanny at our nursery they probably would allow a courier to use the loo if they asked - they have a disabled toilet that leads straight off the reception area and in full view of the office. It's a new building and I suspect was planned this way as there is a sign up saying that if parents need the loo they have to use this toilet and not the staff toilets which are round the corner out of view. However I doubt they would allow couriers to use the loo at 8:30 in the morning - as others have said, too busy.