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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nursery manager was right?

244 replies

user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:22

My friend works in a nursery. Last week just before 8.30am (a busy time for them and they were short-staffed as two nursery nurses were late) an unknown woman bashed on the door, and when the manager answered, said she needed to use their toilet. She was insistent and emotional, said she had Crohn's and had the right to come in as she was registered disabled. Nursery manager said no and directed her to the public loos about 3 mins away. Woman then soiled herself, and asked to come in to clean herself up. Again, manager said no.

Since then, this has massively kicked off on Facebook, with the nursery and manager 'named and shamed,' the woman has said she'll report the nursery to Ofsted and the police and there's nasty posts all over the nursery's FB page. Staff are worried the nursery will be shut down; manager is very upset at the vitriol and insults being aimed at her.

AIBU to think the nursery manager didn't do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:50

ElsaAint yeah the FB keyboard warriors piss me off too, I was actually open-mouthed reading the thread slating the nursery - one person mentioned safeguarding and was instantly hit with loads of bitchy comments about how mean they were. Huns in force.

OP posts:
LittleBooInABox · 14/12/2016 10:50

Manager was right she could have been anyone. I can't imagine it was a nice situation for the lady to be in, but again people lie. And sadly predators are everywhere.

I think the lady is over reacting personally, but I can see both sides. I'd be very annoyed if a stranger was let into a nursery my child was at.

Although the manager could have accompanied the women to the toilet and waiting outside, which is cringe worthy but it protects everyone.

xStefx · 14/12/2016 10:51

I wouldn't be happy if the nursery had let a stranger in, they have a duty of care to the kids, no one else. Im sure she was genuine, but you never know these days.

hoddtastic · 14/12/2016 10:52

just FYI, this could be quite outing (for your sister/you) it only needs one bored DM journo to start snooping and your entire history could 'go viral'

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 10:52

Argh I mostly agree with the manager, however schools/ nurseries are on permanent lockdown... unless it's an open morning/ Christmas or summer production/ any other time when parents (and whoever else comes along) are allowed in with open arms.

The toilet situation is no different - I went to a carol concert yesterday morning in school time - all children at school and open doors.

She could have been allowed in...

WelliesAndPyjamas · 14/12/2016 10:53

They're everywhere. Behind a keyboard, everyone is an expert at running schools, teaching, safeguarding, everything 😀 It's the modern day equivalent of busybodies at the garden gates.

Glastonbury · 14/12/2016 10:53

I am sure Ofsted would be on the side of the manager. If I were her I would close down the Facebook page.

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 10:55

Never mind when children are taken OUT of the building... people have been shot down for being worried about going on school trips, yet they are in much more (theoretical) danger than the lady coming IN.

It's not as straightforward as people are making out...

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 10:55

^no pun intended...

GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 14/12/2016 10:56

No no no nooooo.
I'm a governor at a nursery and there's not a chance she would have been let in. The safety of the children is more important than the woman, sorry, she's not on our list, she's not coming in!

myfavouritecolourispurple · 14/12/2016 10:57

I don't think I'd have been too impressed if a nursery let a random person in to use the loo. Especially if a public loo is 3 mins away.

If you were in the middle of the Scottish Highlands and the nearest loos were 30 miles down a single track road I might have more sympathy.

I think people can be very precious about people using a loo - it's a medical need when all said and done - whether you have a disability or not and I'd like to think that cafe owners and the like would consider how they would feel if they were desperate for the loo. But knocking on a nursery (or school) door shows a severe lack of common sense.

Ofsted won't give a toss. In fact, the nursery would have been in more trouble if they had let in a random person.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2016 10:58

It is straightforward. Strangers are not allowed in without being signed in and escorted. There was no-one available to escort the woman so she was not allowed in. That's true of schools even on open days. Private nurseries do not have open days and viewing is by appointment only.

GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 14/12/2016 10:58

adding to that^
I'm one of the long term governors (not a parent governor) I've been going there 5 years, I still have to sign in, wear a badge and I'm not allowed free reign to wander around the nursery even tho I'm a known person, Dbs checked and one of the health and safety governors!

TiggyD · 14/12/2016 10:59

She could have been escorted in and not left alone at any point, but in the situation above with staffing tight, no.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 10:59

would be furious if my DCs nursery did let any old person in off the street, regardless of the reason, and I would raise that with Ofsted. The nursery manager is absolutely in the right; imagine if she had let the woman in and something had happened to a child? She would be raked over hot coals for that by the very same people calling for Ofsted to shut her down.

This!

TiggyD · 14/12/2016 11:00

Ofsted would totally back the nursery.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 14/12/2016 11:00

Little when there is an open day or outing there are risk assessments and safeguarding procedures put into place beforehand (at the nursery I worked at and the school my dc are at anyway).

That can't be done for a person off the street showing up randomly.

I feel for the woman but the poor manager was damned if she did and damned if she didn't. Ultimately her job is to protect the children. She had seconds to decide what to do.

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/12/2016 11:01

But a trip has to be fully planned and risk assessed. It's not the same as just letting a random in at a busy time when only the manager would know she's there. Similarly carol concerts and plays are generally organised in a different way, all staff are aware there will be randoms on the premises, and it's handled differently.

Dadstheworld · 14/12/2016 11:01

Littlebusses

The events you mention, where everyone is aware of visitors or children are grouped with chaperones is a completely different scenario.

Could she have been let in? Yes probably, but there was no obligation and I can see why she wouldn't have been.

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead · 14/12/2016 11:03

I feel sorry for everyone concerned. The nursery manager definitely did the right thing. The poor woman with Chrohn's can blame people like the man who committed a knife attack in a Belgian nursery for the fact that we can no longer trust that people are genuinely in need when they say they desperately need the loo. I feel terrible for her, but the manager made the appropriate decision under the circumstances. The world is in a sad state and the woman needing the loo is just one of the many victims of this.

Mulberry72 · 14/12/2016 11:04

Completely agree with PP's, this is absolutely a safeguarding issue and the manager was completely in the right, the Police & Ofsted won't give a monkeys!

GrandmaGotRunOverByAReindeer · 14/12/2016 11:04

If the nursery is open to the public the children would (at our nursery) be in their key groups being supervised by their key worker. At risk children would be closely supervised and nursery nurses without key groups would have duties aswell like watching the door, manning the toilet area/hard to see areas etc so the children would be watched more closely than when the doors are locked and the only adults on site are known

Billben · 14/12/2016 11:04

I've got Crohn's and there have been times when I simply couldn't reach the loo on time even at home. However desperate I was I would never dream of demanding to be let in to a place to use their loo. Let alone a nursery where safeguarding is the most important thing. Would you ask to be let into a bank to use their loo? It's upsetting when you are caught short in public but how dare she claim to have a right to use their loo just because she is registered disabled (IF she is). That alone makes my blood boil. The manager was right and I'm sure OFSTED would side with her.

MargaretCabbage · 14/12/2016 11:05

I wouldn't be happy if my child's nursery were letting strangers in.

I feel for the woman but I would think it's fairly obvious why a place like a nursery or school wouldn't let you access their premises.

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead · 14/12/2016 11:05

Warning: Wikipedia link about nursery attack; obviously the content is distressing.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dendermonde_nursery_attack