Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To think the nursery manager was right?

244 replies

user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:22

My friend works in a nursery. Last week just before 8.30am (a busy time for them and they were short-staffed as two nursery nurses were late) an unknown woman bashed on the door, and when the manager answered, said she needed to use their toilet. She was insistent and emotional, said she had Crohn's and had the right to come in as she was registered disabled. Nursery manager said no and directed her to the public loos about 3 mins away. Woman then soiled herself, and asked to come in to clean herself up. Again, manager said no.

Since then, this has massively kicked off on Facebook, with the nursery and manager 'named and shamed,' the woman has said she'll report the nursery to Ofsted and the police and there's nasty posts all over the nursery's FB page. Staff are worried the nursery will be shut down; manager is very upset at the vitriol and insults being aimed at her.

AIBU to think the nursery manager didn't do anything wrong?

OP posts:

BillSykesDog · 14/12/2016 11:49

OP where is the facebook page so we can give them some support?

KayTee87 · 14/12/2016 11:52

^ good idea!

The nursery manager did her job perfectly.

Indrid · 14/12/2016 11:54

That's a great idea bill. I don't have a facebook account so can someone please politely point out that supporters may feel differently if it was a strange man who asked to use the toilet.

liquidrevolution · 14/12/2016 11:55

They really need to shut the facebook page down for a bit. Its just before Christmas not many people will be looking for it anyhow. Then a letter to all parents reiterating the safeguarding policy and explaining the situation. This is awful but the manager did completely the right thing.

My nursery do not allow pickups from non parents without a) a password and b) a photograph of the person collecting already in my DDs file with my written consent to collect in emergencies and c) then producing driving licence or passport as ID. Its just the way it is.

SquedgieBeckenheim · 14/12/2016 11:55

Speaking as a parent of a 2 year old in nursery - I would hit the roof if I found out that the manager had let a stranger in. I trust them to keep my daughter safe when I cannot, and allowing strangers in exposes them to unnecessary risk. Yes, the chances are that the woman was genuine and would have literally gone and used the toilet then left quietly. But there is a very small risk that should could have harmed a child in some way.
The staff have a responsibility to the children and babies in their care first.
While I feel very sorry for the woman involved for her distress and soiling herself, she is completely unreasonable to name and shame the nursery and manager.

monkeywithacowface · 14/12/2016 11:59

A horrible situation all round I have a lot of sympathy for the woman involved but a nursery isn't the same as a shop or a cafe or restaurant. You can no more demand entry to there than you can someone's private home.

When I first read this I thought "Oh surely they could have just let her in and kept watch" but then I thought if someone knocked on my door at home I'm not sure how I would feel about letting a stranger into my home.

A horrible and humiliating experience for the poor lady but naming and shaming on social media? Not on.

StylishDuck · 14/12/2016 12:00

I would also have been angry if my DD's nursery had let in a stranger for whatever reason. The manager was right to not let her in and I doubt Ofsted or the police will be remotely interested if she does report.

As an aside, there's surely no need for a nursery to have a public FB page. Ours has a private one for parents only by invitation. Having a public FB for anything is just inviting people to abuse it like this.

strawberrypenguin · 14/12/2016 12:00

The nursery manager was absolutely right. They can't just let random strangers in - the nursery we use even requires a password if its grandparents or someone else picking up that they don't recognise. What if that woman wasn't allowed contact with one of the children in the nursery for instance.
In fact if I was the manager I'd think about contacting ofstead myself - they will be on the Nursery's side

VimFuego101 · 14/12/2016 12:00

I am completely on the manager's side here.

It would probably be best for her to shut the FB page down at this point, and send a letter to the parents explaining the situation and rules around safeguarding. If she uses the site to communicate with parents, there are plenty of options which allow you to restrict membership to only verified members rather than the general public.

ieatyellowsnow · 14/12/2016 12:04

Manager was right. I wouldn't have wanted this woman going into my daughter's nursery.

There were public toilets!! Ofsted won't do a thing! Doubt the police will either. What crime has been committed??

MrsFozziwig · 14/12/2016 12:06

Safeguarding policies are a legal requirement. If the nursery was found to be in breach of them, Ofsted could, rightly, shut them down.

There wasn't even a decision to make as far as I can see.

LeopardPrintSocks1 · 14/12/2016 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Evilstepmum01 · 14/12/2016 12:12

Agree with Elsa, I get so angry at keyboard warriors using social media to defame and try to destroy someones business. Half these folk posting wouldnt have the balls to say it to the managers face!

Definitely seek legal advice re harassment and defamation!
The word defamatory (as defined of remarks, writing, etc.) is damaging the good reputation of someone; slanderous or libellous.

Also, delete fb page, cut it off at the source and send letter to parents.
Horrible for the lady but no need for this. The manager was only doing her job, I wouldnt be happy if my nursery let a complete stranger in.

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 12:12

As I said, I most,y agree with the manager. However most schools/ nurseries I know have toilets separate to the children's.

ANYONE who goes in to a school could have a gun whether the are police checked/ signed in or not.

I think you underestimate how little could be done in an open morning / production situation where many, many people are allowed in. What good does signing a form do anyway?

There's no reason she couldn't have been chaparoned (whether the other person wanted to or not).

Poeple do no have to be DBS cleared to work with children - many visitors working with them won't be (they are just not allowed to be left alone with children).

It sounds so obvious - not allowing her in, but in reality it's not.

paddypants13 · 14/12/2016 12:14

I really do empathise with the woman with Crohn's but I'm afraid I agree with the nursery manager. The manager's duty of care is to the children attending the nursery.

I imagine Ofsted will side with the manger entirely and the police will not do anything, no crime has been committed.

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 12:14

And, yes, an open morning has been risk assessed against what cold to wrong/ likelihood of going risk assessment for this one woman would probably be same as allowing many strangers in for an open morning. But of corse, the bit of paper (signed and countersigned) prevents things going wrong...

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2016 12:14

LittleBusses - she couldn't be chaperoned due to staffing levels. It was in the OP.

LunaLoveg00d · 14/12/2016 12:15

Horrible situation for everyone. But the nursery manager was right, she can't have random people - irrespective of their disabilities - in a nursery. Huge child protection issue.

I volunteer in a charity shop and we regularly get customers asking to use the staff toilets, even though there are customer toilets in a large supermarket 2 minutes walk away. We just can't have random people trying to make their way past carrier bags full of donations, past pricey designer stock and through the back room where someone's counting and processing yesterday's cash. Doesn't stop the customers getting grumpy and calling you a "Nazi" though.

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 12:16

Strangers are let in ALL THE TIME!!!

Did you not visit the nursery before sending your child in? YOU WERE A STRANGER. Whether you araanged it in advance or not.

Schools and nurseries have strangers in and out all of the time. It's how they run.

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 12:17

Then the nursery is at fault.

Anything can happen needing a member of staff to leave the room. What happens to staffing then? If they can't spare one member of staff (what about office staff), then they are understaffed.

That IS a problem.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 12:18

But that's by appoitment only and there are usually the staff to cover it LittleBusses

Completely different. Plus they don't usually ask to go off to the toilet

MrsFozziwig · 14/12/2016 12:19

It is, Little. But there is a lot of advance warning and preparation and risk assessments and they will be following guidelines set out in the safeguarding procedures.

It doesn't matter whether you agree or not, the safeguarding policy has to be implemented at all times. Part of it's role is to remove the decision making around unexpected situations like this so that a person cannot make a risky decision in the heat of the moment.

LittleBusses · 14/12/2016 12:20

You can't say your last sentence with any certainty at all.

It's not always by appointment.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 12:20

well no nursery I've ever viewed has happily said "come whenever you fancy"

It's always booked first

Musicinthe00ssucks · 14/12/2016 12:20

Not sure if anyone has said this as I haven't read the whole thread; although horrible, Crohn's isn't recognised as a disability so the nursery can't be reprimanded for that.

No way will the nursery be in trouble with OFSTED. My niece's nursery was shut down because they didn't ask for the correct ID at the door - so it would be a bit hypocritical of OFSTED to close a nursery for admitting a stranger - distressed and in need of the toilet or not.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread