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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nursery manager was right?

244 replies

user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 10:22

My friend works in a nursery. Last week just before 8.30am (a busy time for them and they were short-staffed as two nursery nurses were late) an unknown woman bashed on the door, and when the manager answered, said she needed to use their toilet. She was insistent and emotional, said she had Crohn's and had the right to come in as she was registered disabled. Nursery manager said no and directed her to the public loos about 3 mins away. Woman then soiled herself, and asked to come in to clean herself up. Again, manager said no.

Since then, this has massively kicked off on Facebook, with the nursery and manager 'named and shamed,' the woman has said she'll report the nursery to Ofsted and the police and there's nasty posts all over the nursery's FB page. Staff are worried the nursery will be shut down; manager is very upset at the vitriol and insults being aimed at her.

AIBU to think the nursery manager didn't do anything wrong?

OP posts:
Izzy24 · 14/12/2016 11:06

I don't disagree with the manager but what a sad, sad state of the world that we all sincerely see safeguarding/terrorist issues in every situation.

Somehow we have to reclaim a sense of being in balanced control.

Trifleorbust · 14/12/2016 11:06

God, how awful. The poor woman, but no, the manager was within her rights (and I think correct) not to let in a stranger.

Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 11:07

There's the public toilets a few mins away (could have been locked, I'm not sure, but the woman had the universal key) or a mechanic's garage opposite which would have been open. I would have gone for either of the other options or even a private house before the nursery...

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 14/12/2016 11:08

Can your sister report this woman to the police? She's harassing the staff and slating them online for doing absolutely nothing wrong, maybe a pcso would go and have a word with the woman?

She absolutely did the right thing and I can't understand why the woman thought she has the right to walk into a nursery!Hmm

BadKnee · 14/12/2016 11:08

I also hate the ruining of people's livelihoods just to make yourself look good.

In this case the Nursery made a decision. They didn't really have a choice although the risk was, I agree, fairly small. They were not in a position to break the trust of the parents or their OFSTED guidelines.

And if the woman had made a mess in the loos? Who would have had to clear that up? And if it was YOUR office or YOUR home?? I am sure the answers would be different.

It is the same old virtue signalling bandwaggonning that goes on everywhere. The trouble is it ruins lives. (And don't say it doesn't - acquaintance of mine had a B&B that was slammed on Trip Advisor and then a local FB campaign. Broke her, she lost the business.)

And OP - this will be outing

BeattieBowRisenFromTheDead · 14/12/2016 11:08

izzy I agree with you 100%.

haveacupoftea · 14/12/2016 11:08

I wouldnt want some random woman wandering into my child's nursery, honestly people will jump on any idiotic bandwagon.

2boysnamedR · 14/12/2016 11:10

A nursery? Of all places it's not anyone's right to go into a place where are strict child protection rules to obey. I can let another parent I know tailgate me into nursery so why a randomer? She could be anyone. She could have been lying to snatch a kid.
I feel bad for her - but I hate this trial by Socail media trend. Ask in a shop/cafe/ petrol station not somewhere that isn't open to the public. No one can just expect to walk in off the street.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/12/2016 11:10

Wonder what the people slating the manager would say if they went to pick up their kids and discovered people were walking off the street and using it as a public toilet.

You can't just let people in ffs

NoSunNoMoon · 14/12/2016 11:10

That poor woman left outside after soiling herself. Did no one offer her some help? How did she get home? My heart breaks for her.

Tenshidarkangel · 14/12/2016 11:12

Feel for the woman but completely agree. The manager did nothing wrong and the safety of the kids is far more important.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2016 11:13

I would feel more sorry for the woman if she hasn't taken to social media to complain

Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 11:13

NoSunNoMoon she came by car so I assume she went to the public toilets a few minutes away to clean up then drove home (it didn't say on FB)

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 14/12/2016 11:13

sun seriously? If she was that embarrassed about what happened why on earth would she post it all over social media? The children are more important than some stranger off the street.

Original poster
user1478265589 · 14/12/2016 11:14

The nursery isn't on a street, it's by a park down a side-road, so hopefully not too many people saw

OP posts:
Tomorrowillbeachicken · 14/12/2016 11:15

Manager was right. Her duty of care is to the children

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 14/12/2016 11:17

Our nursery and Primary are like Fort Knox after Dunblane and rightly so. These keyboard nitwits really irk me.

Indrid · 14/12/2016 11:17

I bet the supporters on Facebook would have had a very different response had it been a man asking to use the toilet.

MrsWhiteWash · 14/12/2016 11:17

mechanic's garage opposite which would have been open. I would have gone for either of the other options or even a private house before the nursery...

I agree surely the nursery is the last place you'd try - as safeguarding there and at schools will be higher than other places.

I don't think the nursery will close down due to this - most parents aren't going to want random strangers accessing nursery facilities - they're going to be concerned about safeguarding matters than the general public.

DearMrDilkington · 14/12/2016 11:19

ingrid my exact thoughts, woman are obviously incapable of harming children.

Jackiebrambles · 14/12/2016 11:21

Ingrid I was just about to post the same thing. If it had been a man people would have been up in arms if he was let in to use the toilet!

Poor woman but the nursery manager was completely right.

DearMrDilkington · 14/12/2016 11:21

I genuinely think this woman is just trying to cause trouble. If there were public toilets and a mechanics nearby, why on earth would she go to the nursery to use the toilet? It makes no sense, she stood there pestering staff for a while, in that time she could have found another toilet.

CancellyMcChequeface · 14/12/2016 11:21

That poor woman left outside after soiling herself. Did no one offer her some help? How did she get home? My heart breaks for her.

My thoughts exactly. Sad

I don't blame the nursery, because the safeguarding rules are there for a reason, but it makes me sad that we live in the kind of world where they're necessary.

It's absolutely awful to be in that situation, but a nursery really is the wrong place to ask. I think that most other businesses would have the discretionary ability to show a bit of compassion even if the loos were supposed to be for staff only. I was once in a similar situation (unexpected stomach bug) and was so grateful to the shop owner who let me in - I can't imagine many things more embarrassing than soiling oneself in public. Sad

ReggieJones · 14/12/2016 11:22

The nursery manager was absolutely right. It is a horrible situation for the woman to be in and I do feel sorry for but surely she could have cleaned herself up in the nearby public toilets. The manager's responsibility is to the children first.

StatisticallyChallenged · 14/12/2016 11:22

It could have an impact on the business as ime childcare providers are very vulnerable to rumours and opinions. So person a is looking for a nursery for their kid, asks opinions, person b pipes up with "it wouldn't use Little Acorns, the manager has a reputation for being a bitch and treating disabled people badly"

Seen it happen.

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