To stop sending money to ungrateful brats???

[ThePeoplesChamp]

Every year I've sent Christmas money to my neices and nephews. Last 2 years I've reduced this slightly as it was costing me a fortune at the £ per kid. Close to £400 just on this part of Chistmas.

There is a view that because I work and the parents dont, and that I dont have kids that I am 'posh' ...... and, as such should be simply thrilled at handing over the money.

But heres the rub, in the 10+ years I've been doing this I've yet to receive so much as a thank you or even a Christmas card in return. And - its almost become a 'demand' - I remember one night having to leave a (pre)Christmas meal out to dash out to give my DB the money as 'the kids would like it early so they can buy what theyd like' he literally rang and rang and rang until I left the restaurant to stroppily hand over £100 for his kids.

I've been with DH 4 years and half of the nieces and neplhews have ever met him, such is their lack of interest at seeing us unless its to collect ££.

WIBU to just stay at home with DH, leave the ££ in the bank and sod the lot of them?

[holidaysaregreat]

It will be interesting to hear what the reaction is. They will all be expecting £50 & it will most definitely be noticed!

[rollonthesummer]

God knows why you've put up with this for so long!

So-what's your plan? Are you going to say,
'no presents from now on-we are skint?' Or are you going to ignore them (though I see you've done this unsuccessfully before).

They aren't going to let aunty cash cow disappear without a fight, so I'd get your ducks in a row now!!

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

I can't wait to see the follow up to this on Christmas Eve when he realises that the Christmas bonus isn't forthcoming.

[LittleOwl153]

Think I would go with the goat - or other minimal cost charity thing, which you can send in a card to each family as a way of saying - this is my decision do don't start asking for cash. If db has been aggressively seeking cash in advance before the sooner you do alert them the sooner it is all shouted about and over (and you can enjoy a quiet final Christmas for 2!) Don't let them stress you over it!

[DierdrePewtey]

As you have made the decision, please could you send it to me? I would be very grateful, and will send you a thank you note.

Just pop into the nearest Oddbins and credit the money to Deirdre's Gin Account.

Ta very muchly

[Hobnobbing]

Just be prepared for no gifts for your LOs birth! Sadly feel this will be a very real possibility! Still think you are doing the right thing stopping this nonsense! Greedy gets!

[MadisonAvenue]

YANBU! You and your husband should go and treat yourselves with the money!

We used to send gifts (birthdays and Christmas) to the children of my husband's oldest friend. We never got a thank you so one year I thought fuck it, I'm not doing this anymore.
Said friend was on the phone on Boxing Day, being very arsey and asking where the presents were.
Suffice to say, we're no longer in touch.

[marriednotdead]

It's the total entitlement isn't it? I hate it.

One of my siblings is selfish/thoughtless (for context, has never ever sent me a birthday card) and unsurprisingly their DCs are the same. I've finally given up being polite and they may be surprised to find that the usual gift vouchers I send their DCs will not magically appear this year.

Well done for not taking any more nonsense.

[Lovesabadboy]

OP - I think you have been an absolute saint all these years.
They are quite happy to contact you in advance to ask for the money, but are suddenly unable to use their thumbs to text you to say thank you!!

I like the idea of telling them that you have bought them a goat etc, but I think this is the perfect gift for them all...

www.oxfam.org.uk/shop/oxfam-unwrapped/gardeners/pile-of-poo-ou1007ml

I would LOVE to see their faces when they open the card!

[chicaguapa]

If you wanted to make a point, albeit an expensive one, you could wait and see if he buys anything for you when your LO is born. If he doesn't, you could just say next Christmas that you assumed you weren't giving each other's DC presents anymore because you'd not received anything from him.

Either way he's going to go nuclear. I hope you have the stomach for it. He sounds very entitled and unable to be reasoned with.

[YorkiesGlasses]

Place-saving for the conclusion...

And YADNBU! Just send a cash-less Christmas card to each family. If anyone has the hide to ask where their money is, tell them you need to save your money now you have a LO on the way. They'll understand that...

[woodhill]

Thing is I don't understand how you haven't called him out long ago.

My DM used to nag me to make sure I thanked relatives for gifts.

[YorkiesGlasses]

If you wanted to make a point, albeit an expensive one, you could wait and see if he buys anything for you when your LO is born.

The problem there though is that he could buy her a £5 rattle...

[JellyFishFingers]

When I got to when I got together with DH I did the presents - I like Christmas he doesn't! We sent money to his nephews. They were teenagers by the way. Anyhow we got not thanks at all. They didn't get a present next year. When their delightful scrounging mother asked where their money was, I said if I don't get a thank you, they don't get a present. They didn't forget to thank me again.
Their mum did ask why I wasn't still sending money to her 25yr old earning far more than us, who we hadn't heard from in years... I pointed out because he was an adult. She said he loved the cards from us. Did he arse! She still asks for money in her birthday card, I don't deal with it as it makes me furious at her grabbiness. She is over 50 for fucks sake! She never bothers with,our kids or us yet expects money in a card!!!

Sorry. That turned into a rant

[KindDogsTail]

They have been very rude and thoughtless, and their parents seem odd not to have explained this to them. You are not being unreasonable.

The charity idea is good, you can buy your nieces and nephews chickens or goats that go to people who need them.

[icy121]

Wow that you've been putting up with this shit behaviour for years?! What does your mum say about the lack of gratitude and the shit gimme attitude?! Sod it, when the baby is born you should send him an invoice!

[tiredvommachine]

You sound a lovely, generous Aunt but this really takes the piss.
Stick to your guns

[ThePeoplesChamp]

...You are all right I will get sod all for 'the bump' either now or when its born, totally expect that and not really fussed, we're not really well off, like most people we have good months and bad but on the whole we're ok.

Another Brother (who has FOUR kids and zero jobs) in a similar episode where I would not open my wallet for a school trip said to DF 'well thats it I'm finished with her' DF knows the situation and just laughed asking how he thought I'd feel it was a bad thing?

I do feel bad that I have such a non-relationship with them all, and it's rotten the kids will do without as a result of awful parenting ....but doing this another 16 years (two of them have bred again recently!) fills me with huge resentment.

[buttercup54321]

Perhaps your brother was short of cash himself and the kids didn't see a penny of it? Very rude. I would do what sparechange said.

[icy121]

How can anyone get away with 4 kids and not working?! Does the mum work?! Mind boggling.

[Sneery]

This is why it's always best to be the first sibling in a family to have kids. My sibling never gave cards or presents to my kids. I was perfectly happy with this as we're the kids. We would all get together and enjoy each other's company but birthday and Xmas presents never came into it. Now that's my DC are older and my siblings all have kids I don't need to get them gifts.

I'm not a total meany and if I go and see them I might take a little something but generally there is no present buying. It actually hasn't made any difference to how close we all are.

[marciagetscreamed]

OP you sound lovely and generous and under-appreciated.

May I suggest that, if you were to send the money to me, instead of your ungrateful relatives, I will send thank you cards, news letters and photos, a bit like when one adopts a giraffe at the zoo.

Just a thought.

[ThePeoplesChamp]

Loving all the replies on here with similar tales! at the risk of a TAAT someone should start 'must ungrateful or barefaced cheek of ten thousand arses behaviour suffered at christmas'...

I was telling our office manager about the non-thanks and the hald drank bottle of cocktail flavouring, she shared that her Gran in Law had given her some chocolates she's sampled quite a few of and found she didnt like

done the charity thing, the goats, the chickens, the cleft palate thing..... family looked at me like I'd gone dippy!

[bigredfireengine]

(two of them have bred again recently!)

I can't believe that anyone would talk about their siblings and their children in that way. Quite shocked. Do you really see them as animals?

[sparechange]

If you don't want to re-do the charity thing, then you need to get yourself to Snappy Snaps and have your scan photo made into a selection of mugs, mouse mats, key rings and other grim tat with the caption 'World's #1 big cousin!!!!'
In comic sans. Yellow comic sans

Then do the shiny eyed PFB at them and say you have tried to set up a bank account for their Christmas donations to your child but they won't let you until they are born so you'll take cash this year and then supply the bank details in time for next year so they can just do an online transfer to save time