To stop sending money to ungrateful brats???

[ThePeoplesChamp]

Every year I've sent Christmas money to my neices and nephews. Last 2 years I've reduced this slightly as it was costing me a fortune at the £ per kid. Close to £400 just on this part of Chistmas.

There is a view that because I work and the parents dont, and that I dont have kids that I am 'posh' ...... and, as such should be simply thrilled at handing over the money.

But heres the rub, in the 10+ years I've been doing this I've yet to receive so much as a thank you or even a Christmas card in return. And - its almost become a 'demand' - I remember one night having to leave a (pre)Christmas meal out to dash out to give my DB the money as 'the kids would like it early so they can buy what theyd like' he literally rang and rang and rang until I left the restaurant to stroppily hand over £100 for his kids.

I've been with DH 4 years and half of the nieces and neplhews have ever met him, such is their lack of interest at seeing us unless its to collect ££.

WIBU to just stay at home with DH, leave the ££ in the bank and sod the lot of them?

[PinkFluffiUnicorn]

Sorry only read the first page but I vote you buy them a goat! think it's oxfam that do that. i Don't send gifts if I don't receive a thank you txt at least

[MimiSunshine]

Loads of people join before having (or ever choose to have) children. There are lots of areas people can get support / advice from that having kids makes no difference 🙄

[AcrossthePond55]

Congratulations!

I'd say that being expecting is a perfect reason to stop the cash out-flow.

"Oh, you know how expensive it is raising children. That and I'll be off on mat leave, too. One must tighten one's belt, mustn't one?"

[ThePeoplesChamp]

Thanks Kitten - don't worry, no offence taken.

Another recurring point. 'Am I sure that he's (there are three sets of kids, but one DH is the worst offender)not using my money to funs his own buying of presents for his cherubs.

Sadly yes, he gets v short term, crazy high interest loans in the run up to Christmas to fund spoiling the kids with really ludicrous stuff, he then rings looking for me to clear them off a couple of days before Christmas.

Prob quite identifying this thread! Whooops!

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

Wow. You would so be my favourite aunt

Seriously - they don't deserve your generosity, and you don't owe them anything. Why don't you and your DH spend the money on something nice for you both?

Alternatively, donate it to charity in their names and say that you thought that as they have such an amazing social conscience you didn't think they'd mind.

[dowhatnow]

I'd say that you are donating to charity this year too.

[MakingBaconPancakes]

OP, when you get the phone calls saying so-and-so wants their money early, can you say, 'wonderful, when can I expect a visit for them to collect it? its been so long since I saw them'

That's if you chicken out of not giving money. YANB to completely forget it this year.

Could always use the excuse that this year, you will be spending the money on preparing for your unborn child, and you are sure that DB will understand as he himself is so doting.

[dowhatnow]

Could always use the excuse that this year, you will be spending the money on preparing for your unborn child, and you are sure that DB will understand as he himself is so doting.

I like your evil thinking.

[lorelairoryemily]

Oh to hell with them, spend your money on yourself, they sound horrible

[pipsqueak25]

sounds a dream your db ! well done for standing up for yourself this year and not doing it, after all 'you need that money for your lo' will db be donating sorry giving financially in the future for xmas ?

[ScuttlbuttHarpy]

whoops, I'd be inclined to tell them that you cant afford to pay out so much on nieces and nephews as you need the money for your babies things.

[wannabestressfree]

A. I don't agree with 'it's not the kids fault'. Children surely know to thank someone that gives them a wedge of cash.

B. I am totally for you cutting off the supply.,,, please make sure you update though when he sends you the 'where's the cash' text.

C. I would adopt a toilet or goat in their honour :)

[puglife15]

YANBU at all. Can't wait to hear about the fallout though. Maybe send them something really shit so they can't complain you didn't give them anything.

[TalkingofMichaelAngel0]

You know op he is very unlikely to buy for your child. He sounds far too selfish and entitled.

[Kittenrush]

If I'm allowed to offer my input after my terrible faux pas....
I definitely think stop. There's a huge age gap between my little brother and I. I've already adored him and sent him shit loads for birthdays and Christmas. When the thank yous stopped, so did the money/gifts. I know he was raised better than that
Thank you all for your forgiveness. I will always sleep before posting in future

[puglife15]

Also on your dc's first birthday you HAVE o send your db a text saying "baby only wants money".

[Crumbs1]

Gifts should give both parties pleasure. I would expect thank you notes to be written by my children but I don't give presents in the expectation of gratitude. If you feel resentful then don't give. No nasty comments to the kids, no need to justify the decision, no need to donate to charity (although that is nice idea). Simply don't give them money. Maybe send a family box of chocolates or smaller gifts to each child.

[Miserylovescompany2]

I wonder what you get for your BUMP this Christmas? ;)

...congratulations

Just discontinue the giving, little people come with BIG price tags, so invest what you would of spent into a savings account for your WILL-BE-HERE-IN-NO-TIME little bundle of joy. I'm sure the other family members will understand?

[ThePeoplesChamp]

Right. The jury has ruled, I will be keeping hold of the 7 x £50, plus cards, plus petrol driving the near 50 mile to handover point and enjoying a nice Christmas with DH... door locked, naff TV turned up high and facebook / texts will be flatly ignored.

LO will be getting a writing set as soon as he's old enough to scrawl the odd thank you note

Thanks MN'ers.... feel quite vindicated, and have shaken off fear of being called 'snotty' (I wish - bloody skint half the time as it is!) for not complying

[Blossomdeary]

Why would you send presents to people who do not say thank for them?

[ThePeoplesChamp]

..... Look out for the boxing day post.

AIBU unreasonable to sit of the floor with DH and bump sniggering and ignoring angry door banging from DB looking for his brats ££££

[BeccaAnn]

Perhaps a card, with a note to say you've made a donation to a children's charity in their name. If it's questioned, you can say you never received a word of thanks so assumed they didn't actually want the money

OMFG PLEASE do that!!!! Oxfam have those cards you can pick up and instead of £400 to you lot I donated enough to save babies in Africa or this money was sent to house and feed children displaced by civil war etc. etc. and make them see just how damn ungrateful they are!

[PaulDacresConscience]

If your DH is thanking God/Allah/Buddha/The Flying Spaghetti Monster that Mumsnet Has Spoken then perhaps send him to the door if your 'D'B turns up in person? It sounds like he could find the conversation quite cathartic...

[PaulDacresConscience]

Oh yes.

If ever there were an occasion which called for a charity goat or toilet, then this is it.

Not individual goats though. One collective family goat - as you are saving for the baby so won't be buying individual presents for them after this.