Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop sending money to ungrateful brats???

286 replies

ThePeoplesChamp · 12/12/2016 20:49

Every year I've sent Christmas money to my neices and nephews. Last 2 years I've reduced this slightly as it was costing me a fortune at the £ per kid. Close to £400 just on this part of Chistmas.

There is a view that because I work and the parents dont, and that I dont have kids that I am 'posh' ...... and, as such should be simply thrilled at handing over the money.

But heres the rub, in the 10+ years I've been doing this I've yet to receive so much as a thank you or even a Christmas card in return. And - its almost become a 'demand' - I remember one night having to leave a (pre)Christmas meal out to dash out to give my DB the money as 'the kids would like it early so they can buy what theyd like' he literally rang and rang and rang until I left the restaurant to stroppily hand over £100 for his kids.

I've been with DH 4 years and half of the nieces and neplhews have ever met him, such is their lack of interest at seeing us unless its to collect ££.

WIBU to just stay at home with DH, leave the ££ in the bank and sod the lot of them?

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 14/12/2016 18:59

Stop all of it- the presents, paying off the debts, everything. Why on earth would you continue?

wornoutboots · 14/12/2016 19:07

I would personally send them all a small gift (certainly no more than £5 each), and when questioned/bitched at say "can't do it this year" and then whatever they say "Like I said, I can't do it this year"
and when they persist (because they will) you get to comment on their ingratitude.

PaulDacresConscience · 14/12/2016 19:07

Why did the op give cash to the kids as presents that's so lazy. The excitement of opening up a present. Lets just face it she did cause it herself

You aren't one of the relatives, are you HorridHenry? Or are you just aptly named?

Giselaw · 14/12/2016 22:12

Paul, read the OPs post and find out.

Giselaw · 14/12/2016 22:13

Sorry, Paul, just realised you were quoting.

LotsoNumbers · 14/12/2016 22:39

Buy each other a gift and take it out of the packaging before you wrap it so they can't take it back to the shop

LotsoNumbers · 14/12/2016 22:39

Each one of them *

Alpanini · 15/12/2016 07:04

Please go to paperchase and get them each a nice set of thank you notes

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 15/12/2016 09:10

Alpanini - genius suggestion! Xmas Grin

Zoe1983 · 15/12/2016 09:26

Seriously, send it to sponsor a child in the developing world...then make a big show of all the lovely "thank you" letters you receive in return.

Also on your dc's first birthday you HAVE to send your db a text saying "baby only wants money".

Do it!

Princesspinkgirl · 15/12/2016 14:06

I wouldn't give them that much I'd buy them a small gift each at max of £10 each and say no more money giving !

Original poster
ThePeoplesChamp · 19/12/2016 21:57

Hi All - just wanted to thank you all for the replies. Sorry I've not replied sooner I was dashed into hospital with what we thought was labour, such was the ffuss I was making..... turns out it was kidney stones!

Update - I was feeling pretty terrible about not sending any money. ....

btw HorridHenry if you read back I was asked tis I would a gift which was nigh impossible to source and took me a lot of running around... as the kids would prefer it from their favourite retailer (Smyths. Apparently). Lazy is the last thing I am, Fed up - yes.

anyhoo.... I bought some charity cards (thinking they may get a little hint that there are people out there that could use the money etc) and stuffed £25 in each. DH hit the roof, exasperated, but reminded me that in 4 years he's never laid eyes on them, theyve never rang, sent a text. Ever. ....and that in a few months I will drop to stat maternity, and that £50 each exceeds what I will have to live on for a fortnight!

So. No cash gifts for them and no Laura Geller treat for me. .... and a sore kidney area and p*ssing blood on and off.

Merry bloody Christmas. Bah humbug. But seriously some of the suggestions have been great and really made me see sense while also having a giggle.

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 19/12/2016 22:06

Ouch Kidney stones... I don't think they even require £25 however sometimes in the real world it is better to only rock the boat so much for a quiet life... Some of that I mean coming from your DH..

Enjoy your Christmas.

dowhatnow · 19/12/2016 23:48

Kidney stones are not the type of stones you want for xmas are they? thinking more of diamonds

Hope you feel better soon but don't forget to post when the fallout happens.

Original poster
ThePeoplesChamp · 20/12/2016 00:03

thanks starlight and dowhat The stones are an absolute bugger, but in the end just glad it wasnt labour.

I'll update with the fallout. May not be on Christmas day as one DB is quite a moany old woman and likes to moan about to 3rd parties thinking it won't come back..... but like for most, give it time and it always does Grin. I can imagine it will be 'with all her money (er sorry, what!??) the least she could do is put a bit in a card for the kids. Its not their fault shes going on maternity, I dont see why their Christmas should be spoilt' etc etc....

All the best, have a great one MN'ers Wine .

OP posts:
ImtheChristmasCarcass · 20/12/2016 00:05

So I take it that DH convinced you to remove the £25? Good!

Kidney stones suck hairy balls. I'd much rather have labour pains than pass a kidney stone!

SVJAA · 20/12/2016 06:55

Oh I had kidney stones while pregnant, it's worse than labour Sad hope you feel better soon Flowers

Original poster
ThePeoplesChamp · 20/12/2016 07:29

ImtheChristmasCarcass SVJAA

The £25 was removed... I still feel a bit sheepish but I know he's right and that I'm being had over.

I was rushed onto a busy antenatal ward with ladies going into induced labour fairly constantly, nurses kept popping in on me saying 'ahhhhhh but kidney stone pain is so much worse than labout pain' ...... I thought SHUSH!!!!! youre going to get us both a kicking off one of these ladies in a minute!!!!!! Blush But yes, in seriousness, AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH effing AGGGGGGGGGG AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hahaha.

OP posts:
BoboBunnyH0p · 20/12/2016 08:15

OP hope the pain passes quickly. Not suffered myself but my mum has answered she said the pain is worst than labour. Look on the bright side if you can get thru the pain of kidney stones labour pain should be easy to handle and you get a lovely reward at the end of labour, a beautiful squishy newborn baby.

Soubriquet · 20/12/2016 08:45

Glad your Dh persuaded you to remove the money

I know it's hard. You feel like a twat and a mean women BUT they can't keep relying on you.

Especially when you have your own baby on its way.

If they want money, one or both of them will need to go and get a job

Groovee · 20/12/2016 08:57

Good for you OO. Hope you are better soon x

Muppetslikecoco · 20/12/2016 09:39

Placemarking for the update

I hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

CoraPirbright · 20/12/2016 09:50

Ooh how awful- hope you feel better soon. Think you are doing the right thing re: the cash but what about this paying off of your db's high interest loan business? Why on earth has that got anything to do with you ? Please say you are stopping that too??

RandyMagnum2 · 20/12/2016 10:04

If the first thing they say to you after the cards have been opened, is to suggest that you have forgotten to put any money in them, you'll know that it was the right thing to do to remove the money before sending them.

MrEBear · 20/12/2016 10:13

Good for you removing the cash. I'm glad DH is making you see sense.

Never had kidney stones but I've had a kidney infection and yes its more painful than labour. Labour at least gives you a break, kidney infection is a constant agony.

Swipe left for the next trending thread