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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About not visiting the inlaws today?

214 replies

Cuttingthecheese · 07/12/2016 09:21

I am very willing to be told IABU. DH has just made me feel like a right selfish bitch.

Due to visit inlaws today. DH close family member is terminally ill and this is the main reason for the visit.

I asked DH this morning (when bringing the kids down at 5am so he could lie in!) if he would mind me not coming (and he take the DC's) as I cannot really be bothered with the long drive (4+hr round trip) and would really love some me time when I have the opportunity of an empty house for once.
The last time I had some time to myself to just relax in my own home I cannot remember. I regularly take both kids out with me and he get to do as he pleases.

He got upset and said that his day has now been made twice as difficult because of my decision and that he thought his wife would want to support him. Then he cried a bit.

He was also upset that not everything was just ready for him to get up and dressed and go after his lie in this morning (he had to put the nappy bag together whilst I dressed both kids 😕)

So am I being an unsupportive bitch wife?

OP posts:
SpookyPotato · 07/12/2016 12:42

Bad timing today so I can totally understand him, he wanted you there for support. But in general YANBU. His attitude about not taking the kids out just because you're home says it all, he doesn't think you need a break. And doesn't he want to enjoy an outing with them alone?

mummarichardson · 07/12/2016 12:42

Think if you removed the part about there being a terminally Ill family member then fair enough of course you deserve some me time but sadly there is a terminally Ill family member and that should really take priority in my view. Go today and schedule some me time in on a specific date, don't ask tell him!

Julius02 · 07/12/2016 12:42

You couldn't be bothered?! I'm utterly gobsmacked that anyone would be so selfish in this situation.

sarahnova69 · 07/12/2016 12:43

Where did the OP post that, Sarahnova69? Does he not work?

So you can only be self-absorbed if you don't work?

Some selected quotes from the OP:
"The last time I had some time to myself to just relax in my own home I cannot remember. I regularly take both kids out with me and he get to do as he pleases. "
"He was also upset that not everything was just ready for him to get up and dressed and go after his lie in this morning (he had to put the nappy bag together whilst I dressed both kids"

Further examples from the OP's subsequent posts. He is not pulling his weight. Working when you have a SAH spouse doesn't mean you've "done your bit" and can just chill with your feet up when you're home. Parenting is a 24hr job and outside of your working hours, it should be split.

Millymollymanatee · 07/12/2016 12:47

YABU, IMHO.

I think today you should support him. However, clearly there are issues you need to talk about. We all need time to ourselves and this should be equally managed for you both.

hillyhilly · 07/12/2016 12:49

Yabu, you chose the wrong day to ask for me time

Aridane · 07/12/2016 12:58

OP - people think it's a wind up because it's outside the parameters of a good relationship and so may be click bait or one of those DM threads. If a DH had behaved in the same way, it would have been a LTB response.

But good for you for texting to start to make things better between you.

And I hope you manage to get your 'me time ' sorted another time.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 07/12/2016 13:02

Do you know what, you asked him OP. That was his cue to say "actually, I really need your supoort today so I'd appreciate it if you came" not strop about like a child and walk out before the OP could change her mind. You have had an unnecessarily hard time on here, surprise surprise, its AIBU, expect hundreds more posts piling in to tell you what a selfish cow you are.

I'm not surprised you are desperate for some time when your DH is clearly a shit father who won't even take his children out of the house alone because there is no point seeing you are at home! I mean wft! So he never actually does anything alone with his own children. Plus you get up at 5 so he can have a lie in then he strops because he has to get a nappy bag ready. I'm not surprised it came to a head for you today. You clearly felt you had to grab the only opportunity you could to have some downtime. Your DH needs to seriously recognise that and he needs to take some responsibility for it coming to a head on a day when you should have been going with him.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/12/2016 13:10

not strop about like a child and walk out

He was about to drive on his own with two young DC for 4hr round trip to see a dying relative. Do you seriously expect him to have a cheery smile on his face and wave as he leaves Hmm

NavyandWhite · 07/12/2016 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Soubriquet · 07/12/2016 13:46

Same here

If she had said I don't feel well, that's his oppurtunity to say "well ok. But I could really use the support"

Where's I can't be bothered would put his back up.

Footinmouthasusual · 07/12/2016 13:56

Neither of you seem to realise you should be a team and support each other.

MrsSnootch · 07/12/2016 14:53

The Op is hardly hard done by IMO.

Her OH works, she is a SAHM whose kids are in bed by 6pm. She is getting more time to herself, during the week, than many people who work full time who DON'T have kids!!

Duckyneedsaclean · 07/12/2016 15:04

OP, surely you can have the 'home alone time' in the evenings, since your children are in bed by 6pm?

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