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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned dp lied about this?

222 replies

slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 07:08

Name Changed for this. Me and dp both finish work a similar time on Mondays . He works a 20 min drive from home and and I use the bus which takes 50 mins opposite directions to each other. So seeing as it was dd school play I asked him if he could pick me up and drive me home so I had a bit extra time to get changed. It would work out he would have an extra 20 min journey but I would be home half hour sooner. Sorry if this is confusing. Anyway he said no as the extra driving would make him too tired to go to the play and he doesn't want to miss it. I say ok I understand I will go straight from work to the play and meet him outside the school. I arrive at school he's not there! I text him and he says he has just got out of work and is running and to tell dd he's really sorry! Not the first time he's been out late so think nothing of it and actually feel bad for him that he's missed play. Anyway.... Tuesday morning I get a txt from a mutual friend who works with dp saying ' I'm so grateful your 'dp' gave me a lift home yesterday the weather was awful wasn't it' I was like Shock so he lied and was actually 5 mins from the school anyway! Sorry if this is all confusing but I'm angry

OP posts:
hollyisalovelyname · 07/12/2016 17:21

You OP are being taken for a ride. Excuse the pun.
You don't drive so you may not know 20 minutes is nothing to drive.
Appalling behaviour that he would not go 20 minutes out of his way for you or his dd ( is it his child or a step child? ).
He let you both walk home in the rain!!!!
Yet gave a colleague a lift as it was raining.
SHE texted thanks to YOU not him!!!
Either marking your card that your dp made unwelcome advances OR there is something going on between them and she wants you to know ( perhaps he had promised her he would tell you and they would go off into the sunset together - you know the scenario- the mistress's ultimatum).
Either way you need to sort this out. He is not a nice man.

ThisThingCalledLife · 07/12/2016 17:22

so he chose to let you walk home as well!

kaitlinktm · 07/12/2016 17:31

Yes he's mean for letting you both walk home in the rain - you can get very wet in ten minutes. Even if the rest of it is true

Pagwatch · 07/12/2016 17:42

God above, he's quite the charmer isn't he.
Let's you and your child get the bus home because he can't be arsed but it's no problem to spend five minutes giving someone else a lift.

He really doesn't give a shit does he.

Oldbutstillgotit · 07/12/2016 17:45

Clearly you know your DH better than anyone here however ( and I speak from bitter experience of first husband cheating ) something doesn't add up here but only you can decide what to do. What I can say is that when you suspect infidelity or something " not right" it gnaws away continually .....

OnionKnight · 07/12/2016 17:47

It sounds believable, what doesn't add up?

mygorgeousmilo · 07/12/2016 18:01

Ok so he's in the area, but as he's missed the start, doesn't want to barge in. Could be plausible - but again there's the added twist of the lift for the friend, plus the fact that he didn't just wait for you to at least drop you home!! If that was my husband he would have text me to say something like "I'm outside the school, do you think I could come in?" And would have perhaps said "no, it's nearly done just wait outside and we'll go back together". This, I believe, is something close to normal?? He just sounds like a mean bastard. Again, if one of us can't make one thing or another, but can catch up at the end, we at least go for a cake or something after or bring the car to the other or SOMETHING. Not just, oh I couldn't make it so I secretly gave someone a lift and then went home to chill out while you and our child schlepped back home in the rain. What a catch!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 07/12/2016 18:11

What a load of shite. I don't think he is having an affair but I think his reason is pure crap. I doubt he feels guilty for not picking you up, surely he would have waited for you to come out and give you a lift home if that was the case.

AnyFucker · 07/12/2016 18:12

He sounds like a selfish person, for sure

What are you going to do about it ? I wouldn't be sucking that one up.

Do you drive ?

eddielizzard · 07/12/2016 18:23

um so it's ok for him to give a lift to someone but not to his wife and child who had to walk home in the rain, after he missed the school play. wow that's shit. Shock

Charley50 · 07/12/2016 19:48

Dunno about cheating or even intention of cheating but very shit that he let you and DD walk home in the rain when he could have waited outside school for you.

Original poster
slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 20:29

I agree that's sh*t he didn't wait for us but I trust he isn't cheating.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/12/2016 20:41

Why do you think he treats you so crappily then ?

And more to the point...why are you so resigned to it ?

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 07/12/2016 20:57

I like the way it occurred to him that it would seem mean to not offer her a lift home but you and DD apparently can go swivel Hmm

Agree with AnyFucker

MrTCakes · 07/12/2016 21:25

He might not be cheating but he is an arsehole.

SixthSenseless · 07/12/2016 21:42

I think I would point out to him that the considerate response to feeling bad about not collecting his wife from work in the rain is to make up for it by collecting her and dd from the performance in the rain. NOT to give someone else a lift, go home and put his feet up in the warm, while deliberately witholding the information about the other person.

Something is letting him down: his logic and intelligence, or his empathy and loyalty.

Thattimeofyearagain · 07/12/2016 22:34

Selfish bastard isn't he ?

WinterIsHereJon · 07/12/2016 22:59

Maybe he was out buying your Christmas present and mutual friend is covering for him?

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 07/12/2016 23:10

c'mon OP.... he could not give a flying fuck about you or your dd...

not collecting you from work,
not attending the play
not waiting to collect you in shitty weather

all pathetic weasely excuses so he does not have to consider anyone apart from himself

wake up and smell the coffee...once YOU have made it, cos he'll surely be too busy making tea and coffee for other women.

ReadySteadyNo · 07/12/2016 23:31

IAWAF

ohfourfoxache · 08/12/2016 00:32

Not exactly a catch, is he?

He really does sound utterly selfish- he does what he wants and fuck anyone else's feelings

DarkNanny · 08/12/2016 00:39

How do you know she isn't causing chaos ? How do you know she didn't corner him into giving her the lift and he panicked cause he knew you would be pretty hacked off ?
Perhaps he did what most men do and opted for a quiet life no grief from you none from her ? Best just to ask and find out the truth TBH but do it in a look I want to ask because it's unsettled me...

Pagwatch · 08/12/2016 00:45

What most men do?
Keep quiet so as not to get grief from women?

Do you only know 1950 cliche men?

Pagwatch · 08/12/2016 00:49

The men I know (excluding the small number of arseholes) would
A) drive 20 mins to pick up their wife
B) not miss their child's concert
C) say 'no, I can't give you a lift as I am in a hurry to meet my wife at my child's concert and then give them both a lift home
Or d) give them a lift and get to the concert late or only in time to give wife and child a lift home whilst saying 'sorry I'm late - I was already running late and then I ended up giving x person a lift'

Not one bit of that is difficult.

DarkNanny · 08/12/2016 00:49

Pagwatch Absolutely I only know 1950s men lol
Most men avoid grief if they can

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