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Original poster

To be concerned dp lied about this?

222 replies

slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 07:08

Name Changed for this. Me and dp both finish work a similar time on Mondays . He works a 20 min drive from home and and I use the bus which takes 50 mins opposite directions to each other. So seeing as it was dd school play I asked him if he could pick me up and drive me home so I had a bit extra time to get changed. It would work out he would have an extra 20 min journey but I would be home half hour sooner. Sorry if this is confusing. Anyway he said no as the extra driving would make him too tired to go to the play and he doesn't want to miss it. I say ok I understand I will go straight from work to the play and meet him outside the school. I arrive at school he's not there! I text him and he says he has just got out of work and is running and to tell dd he's really sorry! Not the first time he's been out late so think nothing of it and actually feel bad for him that he's missed play. Anyway.... Tuesday morning I get a txt from a mutual friend who works with dp saying ' I'm so grateful your 'dp' gave me a lift home yesterday the weather was awful wasn't it' I was like Shock so he lied and was actually 5 mins from the school anyway! Sorry if this is all confusing but I'm angry

OP posts:
HardcoreLadyType · 07/12/2016 10:08

I dont know. It seems very odd. There are a bazillion explanations and scenarios, but he's not giving you any of them.

You need to speak to your husband, rather than this woman, though.

Serialweightwatcher · 07/12/2016 10:11

Definitely sounds fishy and more so that she text you instead of him to say thank you - if she fancies him and pushed him to give her a lift which he knew he shouldn't for all the reasons stated, she's causing problems on purpose ... you need to speak to him and leave her out of it - sounds very odd

mrssapphirebright · 07/12/2016 10:13

You need to speak to your husband, rather than this woman, though.

^^ This.

I agree, texting her first gives her chance to text your dh and get a story together.

PosiePaRumPaPaPumParker · 07/12/2016 10:13

Does he fancy your friend? Is she trying to tell you?

BravoPanda · 07/12/2016 10:14

If mutual friend is female, then I'd think straight away he was cheating and she's sent that stupidly thinking it would help cover their tracks without being prompted/raising eyebrows if they were seen by someone else. That's just me though and I'm a cynical cow.

Laiste · 07/12/2016 10:14

''I arrive at school he's not there! I text him and he says he has just got out of work and is running late and to tell dd he's really sorry! Not the first time he's been out late so think nothing of it and actually feel bad for him that he's missed play ... [he gives woman lift] ... so he lied and was actually 5 mins from the school anyway!''

But but - at what point was he only 5 mins away? When he texted he had only just walked out of work and it was already too late wasn't it? He was only 'only 5 mins away' much later on still surely?

sparklybluelights · 07/12/2016 10:15

I can understand OP holding off from asking him directly.
She probably doesn't want to cause a huge argument just before Christmas Hmm
Its also a shock to find out that a person you are close to is being secretive and keeping things from you and you need time to process it all.

sparklybluelights · 07/12/2016 10:19

I don't think OP's husband is cheating.
I wouldn't mind bettinghe's one of those men who will go out of his way to help other people (especially when they're female) but will put their own family last.

woowoowoo · 07/12/2016 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CotswoldStrife · 07/12/2016 10:27

How long was the play if he was only 20 minutes away when you were already there?

I think you should be speaking to him about it though, not her. I also know people who would do anything for others but not for their own family , it is bloody annoying!

EastCoastDamsel · 07/12/2016 10:27

He's cheating with her and she wants you to know.

Sorry Flowers

draculasteabag · 07/12/2016 10:31

I wouldn't have sent the text. That's just given him a heads up. The biggest lie ever will be concocted if anything was going on.

You will not have the chance to do a proper dig and you will never be sure if things have been deleted. They will cover their tracks better if there was anything going on.

lostincumbria · 07/12/2016 10:31

Just speak to him OP, all the conjecture and speculation isn't helping. Fun for us, but hell for you.

FatOldBag · 07/12/2016 10:34

It's not causing an argument to ask someone to explain weird as fuck behaviour. This is already causing a problem in the relationship, it's just that he's currently oblivious to the problem and think everything's fine as OP is still in the dark about the lift/lying as far as he's concerned. OP you need to bring this out into the open, tell him that you're rightly fucked off by him being so selfish as to not give you a lift, and then being such a prick as to miss dd's play to give a lift to attractive friend. At the very least he could have picked you and dd up from the school after the play. If the weather was too shit for Mrs Attractive to make her own way home, why the fuck was it ok for you and dd? Either he doesn't like you or care about you, or he's just been a completely selfish idiot and he needs to take a good hard look at himself and change his way of thinking.

MyBonnieLiesOverTheOcean · 07/12/2016 10:37

Something is definitely off about this. His reason for not picking you up was crap, he didn't go straight to the play as quickly as poss and he didn't mention the lift to you? Weird, weird, weird.

3 explanations as far as I can see:

  1. it's all innocent and he didn't mention the lift because he knew you'd be annoyed (and rightly so as he wouldn't give you a lift!)

  2. they are either having an affair and the message was a way of letting you suspect

  3. he has made an unwanted pass at her and she is trying to let you know tactfully.

Does he give her a lift often? Does she text you often?

Shutupandsmile · 07/12/2016 10:40

I'm eagerly waiting to see what your DP has to say about this situation!

Is he a people pleaser? My DH is a major people pleaser and has put others feeling before mine on many occasion and has lied about it and many other stupid things Hmm do you think this could be the case with your DP?

sparklybluelights · 07/12/2016 10:41

If the weather was too shit for Mrs Attractive to make her own way home, why the fuck was it ok for you and dd?

Yes, ask him why did he go out of his way for her and not for you.

YorkiesGlasses · 07/12/2016 10:43

He kept it from you because of the play and because he didn't give you a lift, I think that much is evident. And then there is the extra factor of the attractive work colleague. If you're already running late for your child's event, you don't offer to drive colleagues around.

But she has probably contacted him now to confer. If she has half a brain your text will have let her know she put her foot in it!

mygorgeousmilo · 07/12/2016 10:47

Maybe the fact that you don't want to cause an argument, in the face of overwhelming evidence that he's a wanker, is the reason why he thinks he can take the piss?! The not picking you up was the first mark against him, then the lying, then the not dashing to the play. Why cant you just confront him. He told a bare faced fucking LIE and let you get drenched and your daughter be disappointed- for someone else!!

Theoretician · 07/12/2016 10:50

I wish I understood how adding a round trip on the way home that would take OP 100 minutes by bus but would only take him 20 minutes by car.

At time of text exchange which appears to be just before the play, he was just leaving work and OP concluded that he would consequently miss play.

I don't understand why the fact that he gave friend lift means he lied. Why does it mean he was five minutes away at the time of the play start? As I read the facts, he left work (with her) at the time of the play start, so would have been in the vicinity of school (assuming near home) 20 minutes later.

TwitterQueen1 · 07/12/2016 10:50

You do need to talk to your DH, OP. There is no way round this one I'm afraid.

PrivatePike · 07/12/2016 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3luckystars · 07/12/2016 11:01

I would just say to him "explain to me again, why you missed our child's school play last night?"

And then shut up. Do not speak and take in everything he says and does. Do not doubt your feelings.

EastCoastDamsel · 07/12/2016 11:07

I just have experience of this sort of thin Private and of course there could be a perfectly innocent explanation.

However, I am very doubtful.

bumsexatthebingo · 07/12/2016 11:11

I think the most likely thing is that he'd already missed the play and gave his colleague a lift as he didn't want to look a shit if it was pouring down with rain. He then hasn't told you because you would rightly be pissed off that he had refused to drive you then offered someone else a lift. The main issue you need to address with him is him being a selfish arse in the first place. I wouldn't have texted the colleague asking for timings.

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