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Original poster

To be concerned dp lied about this?

222 replies

slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 07:08

Name Changed for this. Me and dp both finish work a similar time on Mondays . He works a 20 min drive from home and and I use the bus which takes 50 mins opposite directions to each other. So seeing as it was dd school play I asked him if he could pick me up and drive me home so I had a bit extra time to get changed. It would work out he would have an extra 20 min journey but I would be home half hour sooner. Sorry if this is confusing. Anyway he said no as the extra driving would make him too tired to go to the play and he doesn't want to miss it. I say ok I understand I will go straight from work to the play and meet him outside the school. I arrive at school he's not there! I text him and he says he has just got out of work and is running and to tell dd he's really sorry! Not the first time he's been out late so think nothing of it and actually feel bad for him that he's missed play. Anyway.... Tuesday morning I get a txt from a mutual friend who works with dp saying ' I'm so grateful your 'dp' gave me a lift home yesterday the weather was awful wasn't it' I was like Shock so he lied and was actually 5 mins from the school anyway! Sorry if this is all confusing but I'm angry

OP posts:
Wombletor · 07/12/2016 09:18

PS, text the woman and let her know that the kind lift she received meant that he missed his daughter's play. I would definitely without hesitation do that.

Laiste · 07/12/2016 09:23

''text the woman and let her know that the kind lift she received meant that he missed his daughter's play''

But we don't know that's the case do we? Woman's house could have been en route and might only have have added an extra 30 seconds to the journey.

Original poster
slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 09:25

Ok I've just text her as I was getting wound up asking what time dp gave her the lift. Just waiting for reply

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 07/12/2016 09:28

Everything about this may be dodgy or innocent but your DH not picking you up because 20 minutes extra in the car would make him too tired is staggeringly selfish.

Is all of your relationship this one sided. My DH would be driving 20 minutes every time to save me half an hour on the bus - every time. It wouldn't occur to him not to and I would be the same.
And if I asked him to pick me up to help me out he would really not want to say no.
And I say that, not to say 'isn't my husband great' but because that's what people do. It's utterly normal for couples to want to make each other's lives easier.

Does that not strike you as unusual ?

liquidrevolution · 07/12/2016 09:28

Dont text him. Mention it in person so he does not have time to think of an excuse if something is going on.

It may be innocent, it may not be. Trust your insticts but always keep your powder dry.

Miserylovescompany2 · 07/12/2016 09:30

It's the lie that would most definitely P me off. Why feel the need to lie in the first place? Now OP will be thinking of all kinds of scenarios, a myriad of thoughts will be running through her mind at phenomenal speed...

What happens when you confront a liar? You put them on the defensive, they twist things round and project the blame. Example...this is why I don't tell you anything because YOU react like this? So the cycle of lies continues...

I guess it's how you go about confronting him. Maybe by forwarding the thank you text to him? You put the ball back in his court. Then the next move is essentially his...

Iamthinking · 07/12/2016 09:31

I think it is innocent!!!
I don't think for a second she was rubbing your nose in anything or trying to stir. I think, if anything, she was making sure you knew everything was above board, or she was simply feeling very grateful and wanted to access a new avenue to express that gratitude as she had probably said it enough to him.

He didn't lie as far as a I can tell. Where is the lie? He didn't tell you he gave her a lift home, but that is an omission and not something I personally would be surprised about - would he normally tell you? It isn't a very interesting thing to tell you (I don't know how far away she lives) and there would have been much more to talk about when you saw him after the play.

The way I see it, the weather was bad, (raining?), he came out in a rush and contacted you to say he couldn't make it. Subsequently he saw her heading for bus stop or at bus stop in the rain/cold, he offered her a lift and said he would drop her off. The end.

Crucial details are where she lives, does this happen often, and did he actually lie in some way....those things could change my perspective.

MuseumOfCurry · 07/12/2016 09:35

This would certainly give me pause.

Jiggl · 07/12/2016 09:37

The text to you seems to be telling him that she wont keep secrets from you and friend-zoning him in the process. Maybe he made an unwanted pass at her while giving her a lift and she's subtly trying to keep it all above board and transparent.

But 20 mins of a lift is nothing. For THAT he's a selfish arse. And if if did blow your dd off and leave you in the pissing rain getting a bus so that he could flirt with someone, you should read him the riot act.

Gazelda · 07/12/2016 09:39

OP, I understand you're trying to work out what happened, and whether there is any reason for you to be suspicious about your DP's behaviour. But I don't think you should be asking the lift lady those sort of questions, it's your DP you should be interrogating.

LarkDescending · 07/12/2016 09:39

Crucial details are where she lives...

Iam thinking she lives 5 mins from the school, if I am interpreting the last line of the OP correctly.

lottiegarbanzo · 07/12/2016 09:40

Presumably he has an illness or condition that accounts for 20 mins of driving making him tired - and you saying it's understandable. Otherwise that is really, really odd. Three hours of motorway driving on top of a working day might make a person tired. Not 20 mins across town.

As for the rest? She's probably signalling to you to 'keep herself above board'. He could fancy her, he could have been late already. Or, is he a people pleaser (not you obvs!), someone vested in being seen by everyone as lovely, or someone who gets very caught up in the moment, or feels over-obligated to people?

user1468539146 · 07/12/2016 09:40

I completely agree with iamthinking
My ex was exactly the same as your DH, he would help anyone and everyone, except me!
So when we split up, people couldn't believe it as he was "such a great guy"....

It all looks innocent to me

PaulDacresConscience · 07/12/2016 09:41

Bloody hell.

So it's fine for you to have to get the bus in the shit weather, but it's not OK for your friend?

And it's OK for him to miss your DD's school play to give said friend a lift, but it would be far too tiring for him to drive an extra 20 minutes to pick you up so that you could go together? Right Hmm

Is he often thoughtless or is this a one-off?

CondensedMilkSarnies · 07/12/2016 09:42

He's up to something , giving this woman a lift was premeditated in my opinion , otherwise he wouldn't have refused to give you a lift when you discussed it earlier in the day .

UterusUterusGhali · 07/12/2016 09:46

I'd be hopping mad.

The "too tired" comment is ridiculous! He's a grown man! Too tired to sit and watch his child? That's outrageous, unless he has some kind of medical condition.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 07/12/2016 09:47

I would want to know why he was prioritising giving her a lift rather than the school play.

ArmfulOfRoses · 07/12/2016 09:49

Oh I know I'm too late now bit I wouldn't have text, I would have wanted to see the look on his face when he answered.
A text gives him plenty of time to work out a response.

Even if you believe the lift to be innocent despite him lying about it then he is still a selfish twat for not picking you up.
Really pathetic excuse for that that leaves you in no doubt as to where you are in his priorities.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 07/12/2016 09:52

I would have been livid and suspicious at the first part, him saying that an extra 20 mins on the road would make him too tired for the play ShockConfusedHmm

Straight away that's batshit. As for what happened next, well I am Envy on your behalf op. What a shitbag.

ParrotPudding · 07/12/2016 09:53

Seems a bit odd. My main concern would be why he didn't offer you a lift in the first place, 20 minutes driving, unless he has to drive those 20 minutes across an intense driving assault course, really isn't that big of a deal.

Original poster
slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 09:59

Ok so he was running late hence why he bumped into her. Just now need to find out why he's kept this from me

OP posts:
PeppaIsMyHero · 07/12/2016 09:59

Talk to him about it. x

scallopsrgreat · 07/12/2016 10:03

Why don't you want an argument about this slightly?

I wouldn't have text her either - she might text your partner and give him an opportunity to make up some more batshit excuses have an excuse ready for you.

ScrambledSmegs · 07/12/2016 10:04

So he thought he'd make himself even later by giving her a lift?

YelloDraw · 07/12/2016 10:06

WTF? This is all kind of wrong. He is hiding something.

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