Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned dp lied about this?

222 replies

slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 07:08

Name Changed for this. Me and dp both finish work a similar time on Mondays . He works a 20 min drive from home and and I use the bus which takes 50 mins opposite directions to each other. So seeing as it was dd school play I asked him if he could pick me up and drive me home so I had a bit extra time to get changed. It would work out he would have an extra 20 min journey but I would be home half hour sooner. Sorry if this is confusing. Anyway he said no as the extra driving would make him too tired to go to the play and he doesn't want to miss it. I say ok I understand I will go straight from work to the play and meet him outside the school. I arrive at school he's not there! I text him and he says he has just got out of work and is running and to tell dd he's really sorry! Not the first time he's been out late so think nothing of it and actually feel bad for him that he's missed play. Anyway.... Tuesday morning I get a txt from a mutual friend who works with dp saying ' I'm so grateful your 'dp' gave me a lift home yesterday the weather was awful wasn't it' I was like Shock so he lied and was actually 5 mins from the school anyway! Sorry if this is all confusing but I'm angry

OP posts:
QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 07/12/2016 08:07

I'd text him now saying you've been thanked.

SixthSenseless · 07/12/2016 08:08

If he specifically wanted to give the woman a lift, why pick a night when he was due at the play? He could give her a lift any night.

Was there anything particular going on last night, like a course that they were all on, or leaving drinks for someone? Do you know what time he did actually get in? Maybe he knew all along he was cutting it fine for the play, for some reason, (hence refusing to pick you up) and then co-incidentally give the woman a lift?

Wellthatsit · 07/12/2016 08:09

Lots of people seem to think he might have had a legitimate excuse, but why didn't he say "I was running late and wasn't going to make it anyway so I gave 'pretty lift lady' a lift home".

He is selfish.

I am shocked that you didn't confront him immediately about the lie. Do you often keep things bottled up to avoid an argument? If you do, then I think you might have a bigger problem going on. You are not the person in the wrong - he is.

Charley50 · 07/12/2016 08:09

Or he was genuinely late, felt guilty for giving her a lift so didn't say anything to you.

OliviaStabler · 07/12/2016 08:10

What annoys me is that he really did want to go

I don't think he did if he gave her a lift instead.

Bluntness100 · 07/12/2016 08:13

Is her home on his way home? It could have been he was late anyway as a previous poster said and giving her a lift didn't change anything. I think we're all assuming he was late as he gave her a lift, but that might not be the case.

Gazelda · 07/12/2016 08:15

Even if it is the simple explanation that he's running late anyway, it doesn't excuse his refusal to pick you up, his non-attendance at DD's performance (even for the last 10 mins) and his lying.
You say you're trying to avoid an argument, but these three things individually would have me asking him straight questions and demanding an answer and a whole heap more respect.
Have you replied to the friend?

SixthSenseless · 07/12/2016 08:16

It doesn't sound as if giving the lift made him late: he was only just leaving work when the play started. And why didn't he just slip in late? Parents do that all the time at our school and if late from work etc.

sleepyMe12 · 07/12/2016 08:18

TheoriginalLEM has hit the nail on the head.
She's rubbing your nose in it.

Liiinoo · 07/12/2016 08:20

Honestly, it sounds as if he didn't intend to go in the first place. He got the might be 'too tired' excuse into the mix very early and for a ludicrous reason. Why he didn't want to go I cannot say. It might be for sinister/unfaithful reasons or it might be that he finds school plays boring. I know I often did.

Itsseweasy · 07/12/2016 08:23

If you don't know how to bring it up, simply show him the text from the mutual friend and ask what she's on about.
That gives him a chance to explain and come clean.
But you need to raise this with him - simmering resentment isn't going to do your relationship any good!
BTW I used to be with someone like this. He kept going out of his way for a certain female but couldn't even help me get our cat to the vet.
Turns out he had a massive crush and was desperate to get in her pants - he admitted this after we spilt up.
I'd be watching him closely from now on.

BadKnee · 07/12/2016 08:25

I would just ask him.
"DP, just had a text from X thanking .... what's she talking about?"

And he says, "...." and you discuss it like adults.

FWIW I can think of may occasions when I have said NO to one thing and then another has crept in by the back door when I have been asked "just to do a small thing" (lift early when he has had time, delayed due to bad weather, looks like it was planned etc)

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 07/12/2016 08:40

I have a suspicious mind (after ex having two affairs)
One possibility is that something is going on and she's trying to plant seeds...enough for you to question things. Not everyone is as they seem and ANYONE is capable of an affair.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 07/12/2016 08:41

Of course, it could also be something entirely innocent OP Grin

AyeAmarok · 07/12/2016 08:49

When he gets home, I'd simply say "so why were you late yesterday?" and see if he comes clean.

Laineymc7 · 07/12/2016 08:52

You've got to ask him outright what he was up to. Only he can explain what he was doing.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/12/2016 08:59

Why did mutual friend text you a thank you text and not him

I had an almost 4 hour messenger conversation with the male friend of one of my children's dads the other night. It was a totally none event to me as it was solely related to my professional field, it was also a total none event to my children's dad if anything he was pleased I had helped his friend.

The friend did message him and and ask him to thank me.

I think it was code for "dude just so you don't think ive been hitting on sock and covertly messaging her"

Laiste · 07/12/2016 09:04

If i'm understanding it right he didn't actually lie about anything. He left work late dropped a colleague off on the way back to the home/school area. Is her house on the way home or close to the school OP?

I think the driving for 20 mins after work making him ''too tired'' is the weirdest thing about this tbh. I wouldn't have said yes, i understand to that!

Her text ... hmm, he gave the lift on the monday night. Play was missed. She texts on the tuesday morning ... Did he tell her about him missing the play and she worried about you thinking something was going on and wanted to be seen to being open about the lift?

You know your DH best. If my spidey senses were going off would say ''Husband - i got an odd text off [woman's name] yesterday ...''

and go from there. (no need to tell him it was just a thank you straight away)

PollytheDolly · 07/12/2016 09:06

I would definitely ask him. Firstly because it's eating you up and you need clarification and secondly, he needs to be honest.

ChasedByBees · 07/12/2016 09:08

You have to ask him directly.

CountUpTo3 · 07/12/2016 09:08

I'm with @itsseweasy - it does seem a bit off, but surely you can just ask him and explain why you're upset?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 07/12/2016 09:09

Oh and your DH is a shit for not picking you up.

An extra 20 mins each way drive is fuck all that's the sort of distance that a lot of drivers wouldn't even notice.

I once had a chap drive for 59 miles at 5am to de ice my car and then drive back as a surprise and to save me the effort of doing it myself and he never even let on it was him I only know it was because my sons taxi driver saw him

Sneakynamechage · 07/12/2016 09:13

I'd drop a text saying
" Oh, [name] wanted too thank us again for you giving her a lift back on DDs play night. "

Wombletor · 07/12/2016 09:17

You need to speak to him about this and he needs to explain and apologise. Its seems very 'off' to me, and my spider senses would be tingling. Even if its all innocent, he needs a bollocking for prioritizing some woman and not getting to his daughter's play, and not giving you a lift.

sweetstemcauli · 07/12/2016 09:17

Not everyone is as they seem and ANYONE is capable of an affair.

Sorry, OP, but yy to this. You seem naïve. 'Lift lady' is not sweet nor is she 'grateful', she and DH are both jerks. Known lies are your evidence.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread