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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned dp lied about this?

222 replies

slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 07:08

Name Changed for this. Me and dp both finish work a similar time on Mondays . He works a 20 min drive from home and and I use the bus which takes 50 mins opposite directions to each other. So seeing as it was dd school play I asked him if he could pick me up and drive me home so I had a bit extra time to get changed. It would work out he would have an extra 20 min journey but I would be home half hour sooner. Sorry if this is confusing. Anyway he said no as the extra driving would make him too tired to go to the play and he doesn't want to miss it. I say ok I understand I will go straight from work to the play and meet him outside the school. I arrive at school he's not there! I text him and he says he has just got out of work and is running and to tell dd he's really sorry! Not the first time he's been out late so think nothing of it and actually feel bad for him that he's missed play. Anyway.... Tuesday morning I get a txt from a mutual friend who works with dp saying ' I'm so grateful your 'dp' gave me a lift home yesterday the weather was awful wasn't it' I was like Shock so he lied and was actually 5 mins from the school anyway! Sorry if this is all confusing but I'm angry

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 07/12/2016 11:15

I wish I understood how adding a round trip on the way home that would take OP 100 minutes by bus but would only take him 20 minutes by car.

It's not complicated: buses are bastards. Stupid routes. Maybe the stop isn't particularly near school. Also it's 20 extra minutes (ie his journey would have been 40 instead of 20) and maybe making the route from work a triangle via her work and the school rather than a straight line.

OP, I think there's a lot of people on this thread adding two and two and getting ELEVENTY, but I also think he behaved a bit shittily.

"Why did you give LiftLady a lift home instead of coming straight to watch DD?"

If he has a habit of dodging out of DD things, that's one problem.
If he has a habit of dodging out of doing you small favours, that's a different problem.
If he is making moves on other women (and I don't get that from your account, tbh) then that's another problem.

ijustwannadance · 07/12/2016 11:29

20 mins driving would make him too tired to see the play. FFS. He had no intention of going to see it regardless of anything else.

Purplepicnic · 07/12/2016 11:31

Another one not seeing the connection between the lift and the lateness. He worked late, missed the play, texted you to say, then saw friend and offered her a lift.

There's no evidence that he missed the play because he was giving her a lift.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 07/12/2016 11:35

Whatever happens I rather like the sound of this lady. If I have cause to spend time alone with any of my friends' partners which they might not know about, I always find a way to let them know. It's not a big deal, just a courtesy in my opinion.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/12/2016 11:35

I couldn't be in a relationship with a bloke who found driving 20 extra minutes (or 40 if he had to double back to school) far too exhausting to then attend a school play (serious illness excluded obviously). FFS what kind of a drip are you married to and why do you tolerate that sort of shit?

That aside, it's odd he didn't mention dropping her off (regardless of who it was, male or female), just in passing conversation, but then I guess some people wouldn't.

Msqueen33 · 07/12/2016 11:45

If my dh knew I was pissed him missing something he'd probably not mention it for fear of pissing me off further. I think job comes into it a lot as he has a busy job. Very shitty not to pick you up though.

sparklybluelights · 07/12/2016 11:47

Whatever happens I rather like the sound of this lady

Me too.
The idiot was probably sat there going on about how he'd missed his child's play and she's think wtf? Why has he offered me a lift?
She wants OP to know she wouldn't have accepted the lift if she'd known he was putting his family last.

alotlikeChristmas16 · 07/12/2016 11:48

my DH would do something like this - it wasn't any skin off his nose to do the lift for the friend as he was on his way back already. I find my DH values being thought of as a good person generally, and in this case it cost him less than giving you a lift. I don't smell an affair, it sounds like he's overworked, couldn't be bothered to go to the play and leave work early/ontime for that, and the lift he gave to the friend was a quick hit of self-esteem that cost him not much really.

WannaBe · 07/12/2016 11:48

God MN loves to tell people that their partners are having affairs and to get snooping don't they? Hmm.

He left work late so wouldn't have been in time for the play, bearing in mind this is primary so we're talking twenty minutes away from a half hour play here... Then colleague was there as well, it was raining, he'd already missed the play so gave her a lift home.

And the issue is ... What exactly? Confused.

Original poster
slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 11:48

I've just missed a call from him. Odd as he never usually calls in the day

OP posts:
shovetheholly · 07/12/2016 11:49

She's told him she texted, he's realised that you now know he gave a lift yesterday.

I don't think there is necessarily an affair here, but I do think he hasn't behaved well.

BravoPanda · 07/12/2016 11:52

Very dodgy if he's just called and that's not normal. Don't answer them or reply to texts. Ask him face to face when he's home. Unless it's for a totally different reason that he rang, why would she even tell him she'd text if there wasn't something at least slightly untoward going on?

alotlikeChristmas16 · 07/12/2016 11:52

if he's got any sense, he's figured out that your friend will tell you about the lift in some way anyway and thought, 'oh no, I'm going to be in the doghouse even more here, better phone up and explain'. I agree, he's been a bit of a Christmas party pooper but it's hardly grounds for divorce or a huge fight.

WannaBe · 07/12/2016 11:53

I don't think he's done anything wrong actually. Why is giving a lift to a colleague behaving badly. He wasn't going to make it to the play because he was late leaving work. The colleague was there and it was raining. Should he have left her in the rain because giving her a lift would have led to issues?

Honestly this level of mistrust is far more likely to destroy a relationship than anything else.

eddielizzard · 07/12/2016 11:59

yes, sounds like running late so gave a lift because he wouldn't have made it anyway.

not giving you a lift is a bit crap tho.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 07/12/2016 12:04

yes, sounds like running late so gave a lift because he wouldn't have made it anyway.

See this is what I wondered. And then he's done the thing of either not telling you because he knew it would make you cross or not told you as he doesn't see it as relevant.

Northend77 · 07/12/2016 12:05

Ok, so having read through all of this I am of the opinion that:

He was already leaving late so offered the lift out of kindness as he knew he was going to miss the play anyway

Didn't tell you about the lift as he knew you'd be pissed off about him working late and you having to get the bus in the rain

Your question about what time he dropped her off would have been an odd one so she probably texted him to ask if things were OK (as I guess she's not aware he didn't mention the lift to you)

He's rung you off the back of that because he now knows you think he's lying to you

Can't see anything really wrong with the above. Don't like that he wasn't happy to pick you up though - that is selfish

alotlikeChristmas16 · 07/12/2016 12:07

yes i don't think he's done nothing wrong - he should've prioritized seeing the play and taking you all home and you've a right to be angry about that. It doesn't sound as though he is so slammed at work that he's working a lot of overtime and would get totally behind for one event?

Musicinthe00ssucks · 07/12/2016 12:08

I don't think he is having and affair but I do think he is a shit for missing his DD's school play and not picking you up.

OnionKnight · 07/12/2016 12:11

*God MN loves to tell people that their partners are having affairs and to get snooping don't they? hmm.

He left work late so wouldn't have been in time for the play, bearing in mind this is primary so we're talking twenty minutes away from a half hour play here... Then colleague was there as well, it was raining, he'd already missed the play so gave her a lift home.

And the issue is ... What exactly? confused.*

Agreed.

sweetstemcauli · 07/12/2016 12:31

God MN loves to tell people that their partners are having affairs and to get snooping don't they?

Often that's because people usually leave it until it gets to that stage before they post. The majority of good advice on relationships in trouble simply comes from experience. In this case responses to OP are from experience. If OP didn't want others' experience why would she post? If you have a problem with snooping then don't snoop is my advice.

CinderellaFant · 07/12/2016 12:48

I agree with eastcoast

HarryPottersMagicWand · 07/12/2016 12:50

I doubt its an affair. He's phoning because he knows he left out information to his wife about him being late, refused to pick his wife up but happily gave a nice work collegue a lift.

I'd be furious because of his lame arse excuse of not being able to pick you up OP because it would make him too tired. Does he have a health condition that makes him extra tired or is he just a special snowflake?

Original poster
slightlypdoff · 07/12/2016 13:05

Just spoke to him on the phone. He called to see if I'd paid in his cheques as he forgot to remind me this morning HmmI didn't mention anything will wait till he's home

OP posts:
Miserylovescompany2 · 07/12/2016 13:24

Or was he testing the water?

Would he usually call you to remind you or would he text?

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