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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to not let my 12 year old son get his ears pierced?

205 replies

pineappletrees · 03/12/2016 16:26

My 12 year old son really wants his ears pierced. My daughter has it done so I can't use the age excuse (she is 10). I just think that they look awful on don't suit boys. WIBU to say no?

OP posts:
Zarabell · 03/12/2016 18:02

Here's the thing. Earrings for girls and women are always in fashion and have been for a long time.

Earrings for boys are a fashion that come and go.

So I can kind of see the ops point here as a piercing is a lifelong thing. Although you can take it out there'll always be scar tissue.

Otoh it's double standards and kind of sexist that you're happy for your dd to decorate her ears but not you ds.

Personally I wouldn't be keen on a boy or girl have them pierced but I can imagine it's difficult when you come up against it.

JacquesHammer · 03/12/2016 18:17

A piercing - even in a lobe if left long enough with no jewellery in will become almost invisible so it's hardly like he's having "fuck the system" inked across his head.

Not sure also why the obsession with diamond studs - all the younger lads I am aware of with piercings have curved barbells or bcr

HardcoreLadyType · 03/12/2016 18:21

I have a 12yo boy, and I would let him on the proviso that he cared for them himself, and didnt break any school rules (or that he lived with the consequences if he did, in any case).

DD1 had her lip pierced at 15. I wasn't madly happy about it, but the above rules applied. She wore a clear retainer for school, and looked after it herself. She no longer wears any jewellery in it at all, and I think it may have closed up, actually.

You need to let him live his life.

Ballstowinplease · 03/12/2016 18:24

It just really chavtastic on boys isn't it and if I saw a boy with his ears pierced I would assume he wasn't particularly intellectual and his mother was guiding him not to expect much out of life.

Trifleorbust · 03/12/2016 18:27

Torn here. It's definitely a social signifier- you're not going to walk into Eton or St Paul's and see 12 year old boys with pierced ears. So to that extent, it does contribute to a specific 'look' (trying hard not to use pejorative words!). However, it is very much his body and it is sexist to say no. I would tell him he needs to think it through for 6 months. Then I would lobby furiously for it to be banned at school Grin Also I would hope he might forget.

JacquesHammer · 03/12/2016 18:29

balls Grin how wrong you are. Sweeping generalisation much?

BusyBeez99 · 03/12/2016 18:36

YANBU. Pierced ears on girls are nice but boys doesn't. But I would have made daughter wait until older anyway

BusyBeez99 · 03/12/2016 18:36

*doesnt look good

Helsinkimorning · 03/12/2016 18:47

No unless he's going to become a pirate

pointythings · 03/12/2016 18:56

You allowed it for your DD, you now have to allow it for your DS otherwise you are being horribly sexist. End of.

I8toys · 03/12/2016 19:08

Helsinki Grin

BertieBotts · 03/12/2016 19:18

To offer a counter argument as to why it's okay for girls but not for boys - it's about social norms.

There is no way that any woman would be negatively judged in the job market for having pierced ears, because it is such a normal thing. In fact, well chosen earrings can even be a signifier for dressing well. Because it's so common, it's unlikely that a girl would seriously regret her decision when she got older, even if it was just a whim that she didn't care much about later on. So aside from the risk of infection, which is minimal if the piercing is cared for properly, the long term risk of it affecting a girl negatively is very low. Additionally, many girls have their ears pierced young, so there is a danger of really being left out of a typical bonding ritual that girls tend to do at around that age. Actual disadvantage from waiting.

On the other hand, boys' and mens' ear piercing is still relatively niche. Yes, some celebrities have their ears pierced, but most men you come across in life don't. It does give across a specific image, and this might reflect negatively on a man searching for a job. Even if holes are let close, you can usually see. I think that men are probably more likely to regret ear piercings, too, because of the fact it's not so common and does give across a specific image. So I'd say that there is a medium long term risk here. Secondly, there's much less of a disadvantage to waiting until he is, say, 16, and more able to make a decision for himself. As earrings aren't as common for boys, he won't be missing out on anything. The earring might buy him some extra "cool points", but that's not the same thing.

I'm a feminist and I would normally say absolutely what you allow for one gender you must allow for the other, but it's not as simple as that in this case, because the expectations and therefore the risks and benefits are not quite the same. A lobe piercing on a boy is similar to a non-ear piercing on either gender in terms of how it's likely to affect the person later on in life.

Basicbrown · 03/12/2016 19:26

I kind of agree with balls. Really wouldn't want a 12 yo son to get pierced ears. Thankfully I have girls Grin

PaulDacresConscience · 03/12/2016 19:26

So it's fine on MN to be annoyed about science and adventure toys being labelled as boy stuff, with the pink dollies/kitchens/princess stuff being the preserve of girls...

But it's not fine to agree to let a boy choose to pierce his ears when you would agree for a girl. What it looks like is irrelevant. Talk about a double standard.

Floggingmolly · 03/12/2016 19:28

Things being labelled as "boys stuff" are still totally accessible to girls. Just ask my daughter...

Soubriquet · 03/12/2016 19:28

What Paul said

TiggyD · 03/12/2016 19:31

Tiggy are you projecting here?

Not saying. Angry

On another topic, what do people think about 42 year old men getting their ears pierced? because they wanted it done when they were younger but weren't allowed

pinkyredrose · 03/12/2016 19:32

Bertie I do think you're talking a load of eloquently put crap Smile social norms differ depending on your demographic and besides which, why would it be that important to adhere to those norms rather than do what you want with your own body, even at 12? In fact I think 12 Is the ideal age to explore something like this, young people are finding their identity and experimenting is part of that.

llangennith · 03/12/2016 19:34

My answer was "yes when you leave home" by which time (18) he hated the idea.

JustAnotherPoster00 · 03/12/2016 19:39

If you do decide to let him have it done, please take him to somewhere sensible to have them done OP, a piercing/tattoo studio, it will get done with a needle in completely sterile surroundings not in the back of a Claires with 1 of those hideous guns which can cause some real damage.

AuntieStella · 03/12/2016 19:40

Tiggy 42 is the answer to everything, so do what you like.

Do you still use Lynx?

BertieBotts · 03/12/2016 19:51

Fair enough pinky - and I would agree but a piercing is a permanent body modification. Hair, dress, I have no problems, but piercings, tattoos, no. If anything, it's lobes for girls I'd make the exception for. And only because this one in particular has no long term consequences. Demographics don't really come into that one.

cardibach · 03/12/2016 19:52

Tiggy I'm a 52 year old woman and I just had a helix piercing because I wanted one as a younger person and -was too scared- couldn't. It's fine. They heal if you decide against them. Heal as in vanish without trace.

cardibach · 03/12/2016 19:52

Strikeout fail. How did that happen?

PaulDacresConscience · 03/12/2016 20:00

FloggingMolly - yes it is. But pierced ears aren't the exclusive preserve of girls - in the same way that girls might want microscopes and boys might want to play with a kitchen set. Why should it be OK for a 10 y/o girl to secure agreement for ear piercing, but it be a no-go area for boys? A lot of the objection to it on here seems to centre around what it looks like - which is utterly bonkers. Can you imagine the response if this was a girl being told she couldn't do something because it didn't look nice simply because she was a girl?

There's also some class snobbery going on as well, which is pretty unpleasant.

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