Am I right to feel a bit miffed?

[zukiecat]

First time posting for a long while so please be gentle!

I don't know if I'm just being a bit miserable or what but today I promised to look after a friend's three dogs in her home while she attends an appointment in a different city.

I am here from 9-4 and I have to go to work at 5pm (work a few shifts at my local shop)

Friend offered to pay me and said she would leave the money on the table, I arrive and find a note saying sorry can't pay you but here's your bus fare home (£4)

Am I right to feel a bit used as I have given up an entire day, for free?

I still have to work 5-10pm and again in the morning 7-1, so there will be no time to do anything else or see my daughter ( she's grown up, but we are very close)

Maybe I'm just a miserable cow and I'm all for helping a friend, but I always do the helping!

Perhaps she needs to go to the bank and will give it to you later? < gives your friend the benefit of the doubt>

YANBU - If she was the one who asked you for the favour and said she'd pay you, then of course she's out of order. Ask her when would be convenient for her to pay you.

Leave a note saying sorry couldn't stay and leave!

I am certain the dogs won't need food between 9 and 4.

Could you text her and ask if she'll be paying you on her return?

Don't leave - the dogs need letting out for the toilet otherwise they'll be hanging on for hours (because they know they're not supposed to go inside) and if they do have an accident they'll feel bad.
The friend is out of order. Can you text her and say 'don't forget to go to the cashpoint before you come home'?

I did wonder about that just juggling but this friend has always been a pay upfront for everything sort of person

Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt though

That does sound very much as if she doesn't intend to pay you. If that is the case she is completely out of order as you agreed to have her dogs on the basis that you would be paid. Text her and say 'Got your note, no problem. There's a cash point at [address]. See you at 4!'

The friend is being really cheeky. She should have at the very least spoke to you about it beforehand. To just leave you a note like that without actually stating when you'll get the money just leaves you thinking you're not going to get it anytime soon when you were expecting it/need it.

justmuddling sorry!

Absolutely entitled to feel miffed. In your shoes, I would look after the dogs as agreed. But I would leave a note in reply. Something along the lines of "Dogs all fed, watered, walked etc. Just to be clear, we had agreed that I would be paid for my time today. Therefore, despite having a lovely day with the dogs, I will not be able to repeat in the future". Then leave on the dot at 4pm, whether she is back or not. You then keep the moral high ground as you kept your side of the deal. And be prepared that this may well be the end of the friendship, which may not be a great loss to you.

Normally if a friend asks for a favour (I cut a friends three dc hair at home for nothing) I bank the favour in my mind and then if I need a favour (her dh helping my dh this weekend with a car part)they return the favour.
No money exchanges hands between friend groups where I'm from

Whether or not money should change hands between friends isn't the point. It was agreed that the OP would be paid.

Hold the dogs ransom

Yeah, I wouldn't just leave because that's not fair on the dogs, I can't help but feel though that she would have to pay anyone else, but because it's me she just takes advantage, we've known each other for a lifetime and she knows I just keep quiet about things

If she's hoping that you won't hold her to it then you're entitled to feel used and lied to. What will you say to her?

What was the agreed payment? Just being nosy!

she knows I just keep quiet about things

Please don't. It's unacceptable to be placed in this position. If she kicks up a fuss about it then write her off as a friend. Friends don't take the piss.

I do agree with you I fudging and normally I would never expect any money for favours, but it is always me who does the favours, friend has form for saying she'll help me with whatever, but then cancelling at the last moment.

I am giving up an entire day for this, there just won't be time to do anything else except go straight to work

If she doesn't pay up, look her straight in the eye and tell her not to ask favours of you again. You've kept your side of the deal and if she doesn't, then you shouldn't feel bad. Don't spend the day stewing over it. Just make sure she doesn't get the opportunity to make you feel used again.

Thanks justmuddling

That sounds like the best way, and if she ever does ask again then I can say no, You didn't keep to our agreement last time!

Oh god OP. She's not your friend. You are the mug who keeps doing favours when she never reciprocates. Now she's stepped up to a whole new level of piss taking and lying and manipulation.

Yes you can leave the dogs. You really really can.

She'll have to come back early from her appointment if she thinks it's that much of a problem won't she?

I am outraged that she does this to you and I am outraged that you have let her for so long and you are merely miffed at this utterly outrageous lying and using you, presumably because she knows you won't shout and flounce, you'll just take it.

Have you even sent a wtf text yet?

Do you have self confidence issues or excessive people pleasing tendencies or fear of confrontation?

Yes RunRabbit!

I have major self confidence issues and always please others before thinking of myself, if anyone on here knows me from when I used to be on Mumsnet all the time then they'll know I have really struggled with this and other mental health issues

My health is better now and I have had CBT to help deal with a lot of things, but I'm still quite easily pushed over the edge, I tend to just do whatever is asked of me.

Have just found a note in the kitchen saying "Bread for your lunch"

I had a nosy in the fridge to see if there is anything to make a sandwich and I found a pack of bacon

Should I make myself a bacon sarnie?!

Have texted but no reply yet

Is she expecting you to stay there the whole time(9-4)if so and she's not going to pay you make sure you make the most of her hospitality,tea,coffee,biscuits,nice lunch all courtesy of her kitchen

Sorry cross posted with you OP,yes I would,if no money then she gets to provide your lunch,drinks and snacks.

Your saving her a fortune really a day being looked after for our 3 Dogs costs us £50!