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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I right to feel a bit miffed?

290 replies

zukiecat · 02/12/2016 09:50

First time posting for a long while so please be gentle!

I don't know if I'm just being a bit miserable or what but today I promised to look after a friend's three dogs in her home while she attends an appointment in a different city.

I am here from 9-4 and I have to go to work at 5pm (work a few shifts at my local shop)

Friend offered to pay me and said she would leave the money on the table, I arrive and find a note saying sorry can't pay you but here's your bus fare home (£4)

Am I right to feel a bit used as I have given up an entire day, for free?

I still have to work 5-10pm and again in the morning 7-1, so there will be no time to do anything else or see my daughter ( she's grown up, but we are very close)

Maybe I'm just a miserable cow and I'm all for helping a friend, but I always do the helping!

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/12/2016 12:26

Any chance you could make today the day that you decide to make that change?

I just want to give you a big hug, I wish you could see that you deserve so much better than some of the "friends" you have in your life Sad

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/12/2016 12:28

It would be really, really wet of you to stay the whole day now. Let the dogs out in a bit so they get a chance for a wee, bring them in, and then go. Text her and tell her you've gone. No apologies.

Grrrr!

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 02/12/2016 12:28

What kind of appointment is it?If urgent medical, that's one thing, but really going too far if it's just lunch and shopping.
Is she the sort of person who would tell you if she was down to her last few pounds in the bank? Because total poverty is the only excuse I can think of for her behaviour. If there is no poverty, then eat the bacon and the bread, let the dogs out and when they are back in, take the bus fare and leave.
This woman is not your friend. She speaks to you because you are convenient and gullible- which is far better than being a piss-taking arsehole like her. Tell her that if you wanted to look after dogs for no pay then you'd be better of finding a dogs home in need of volunteers.

StStrattersOfMN · 02/12/2016 12:31

You CAN just leave. You are worth far, far more than a day in a freezing cold house with just bread. Make yourself a massive fuck off bacon sandwich, let the dogs out for a piss, then GO HOME.

And tell her to get to fuck.

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 12:31

She told me that it was too long to leave the dogs alone, there's plenty of food for them, it's just me who has to starve.

She does have form for this and I should have known better

OP posts:
StStrattersOfMN · 02/12/2016 12:31

Is this 'table' friend? I think it was a table.

StStrattersOfMN · 02/12/2016 12:33

Well, rule of thumb is 4 hours for adult dogs, so no problem with you buggering off home after that bacon sandwich 😘

LightTripper · 02/12/2016 12:35

Is she really expecting you to just eat some dry bread????

Seriously this is not on (and I don't like confrontation either but sometimes you just have to draw a line). I understand you can't leave the dogs because it isn't their fault, but you have now been trapped in a house where you are working for free eating dry bread and water!

I think you need to tell her that she needs to pay you and that you will need to pop out to get something to go on the bread and will leave her the recepit so she can pay you back for that too. If that's not an option just say you will have to eat the bacon because there is nothing else and you are not eating dry bread for lunch. She is really taking the p.

If she refuses then at least you have been clear and know where you stand, and you can refuse all favours in future on the basis that you can't afford it.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 12:35

OP, that isn't your problem. For goodness' sakes, they're HER animals. If she wants someone to care for them she needs to agree what to pay them, pay them, not starve them and not leave them freezing bloody cold!

ohfourfoxache · 02/12/2016 12:36

Oooooohhh Zukie you have to leave.......

melj1213 · 02/12/2016 12:36

At first I was willing to give the friend the benefit of the doubt, maybe she went to get the cash out of her purse and realised she didn't have the money on her (I've occasionally thought I had an extra £10 then last minute remembered that I used it to get some milk/bread on the way home) so scraped together the bus fare so you could definitely get home and planned to pay you properly later.

However as the thread has gone on the friend sounds like a user. We had dogs growing up and they didn't need someone sitting with them all day! They got walked in the morning, someone would nip in at lunchtime to let them out in the garden then a walk in the evening. When we were at work/school the dog was fine alone ... she never had a pet sitter unless we were going away for more than a day.

LightTripper · 02/12/2016 12:36

Or if the dogs will really be OK (I know nothing about dogs), and you don't think there's any chance she'll pay, then as others have said just let them do their business, have your bacon sarnie and then go!

What a miserable woman.

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 12:37

Well remembered StStratters!

We didn't speak for a long time after that, and it was liberating, but I caved after a year or so

Now I remember why we fell out before!

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 02/12/2016 12:37

Sweetheart please, she's taking the piss. You don't have to put up with it.

What the hell do you get from this "friendship"?

PaulDacresConscience · 02/12/2016 12:38

Go now - and I say that as a dog owner. If she is due back at 4 then take the dogs out now for a wee then lock up and leave. They'll be fine for the 3 hours until she gets back home.

Text her after you have left and say:

Dogs walked and fed, have locked up and gone home as I am hungry. Dry bread is not sufficient lunch and given that you have decided not to pay me, it seems fair not to give up my entire day to sit and be hungry in your home. Please don't ask me for a favour again as I feel quite upset that you have taken advantage of me.

Then switch your phone off.

Do it - please! Don't let her walk all over you, the cheeky cow.

ohfourfoxache · 02/12/2016 12:40

Holy fucking shit - it's the same person? Shock

LaContessaDiPlump · 02/12/2016 12:42

Definitely leave.

If you aren't comfortable being so up-front about it (and some people aren't, no matter how strenuously MN tells them to be), then invent a sudden emergency elsewhere that means you have to go. When she grumbles, be deliberately not-that-apologetic about it ('Yes, it was a shame I had to go that day. Still, the dogs were fine.'). Then repeat that approach EVERY TIME she takes the piss.

She will very soon work it out.

You don't deserve this crappy treatment op Sad

KoalaDownUnder · 02/12/2016 12:43

The dogs will be perfectly fine ffs.

Leave them and fuck off home now.

angryangryyoungwoman · 02/12/2016 12:44

Can you see the disbelief from other people in this thread zukiecat? This is because when you know your own worth, there is no way that you would put up with this, it becomes unbelievable. Listen to everyone.

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 12:45

I know Fourfox Sad

I'm a bloody fool, and maybe it's my own fault for being such a doormat, I remember all the wonderful help and support I got on here before and it made such a difference,

Think I'm going to do what everyone says and let the dogs out for a wee while in the garden and then just go

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 12:45

Yay!

Fiderer · 02/12/2016 12:47

Shock 9-4, no money despite offering, measly bus fare, only bread - no "Eat the bacon, I'll pick something up for me & child", blimey.

I recognise your name zukiecat, nice to see you posting again. Do as the Sainted One says, bacon sandwich and then flee Grin

ohfourfoxache · 02/12/2016 12:49

No. Stop that right now, lady. You are NOT a bloody fool and this is NOT your own fault.

Too kind for your own good, yes. Lovely and considerate and a lovely friend, yes. But sometimes the outcome is that you're used.

It's just something you need to be aware of sweetheart, and you need to remember your own worth Thanks

StStrattersOfMN · 02/12/2016 12:51

Oh lovely, I did wonder if it was her again.

You don't need her sweetheart, if you need friends, you have US. Bless you, you're such a softie. Now, eat that bacon sandwich, and shuffle off home. Flowers

SapphireStrange · 02/12/2016 12:53

She's royally taking the piss.

If you haven't done so already:

  • make the world's biggest fuck-off bacon sandwich
  • make sure the dogs have been out for wees etc and have food and water and are comfortable.
  • text cunt friend and say 'My time doesn't come for free, so I'm leaving now. Dogs are fed and watered. You owe me £x for the morning.
  • take rest of bacon and the bread with you
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