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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I right to feel a bit miffed?

290 replies

zukiecat · 02/12/2016 09:50

First time posting for a long while so please be gentle!

I don't know if I'm just being a bit miserable or what but today I promised to look after a friend's three dogs in her home while she attends an appointment in a different city.

I am here from 9-4 and I have to go to work at 5pm (work a few shifts at my local shop)

Friend offered to pay me and said she would leave the money on the table, I arrive and find a note saying sorry can't pay you but here's your bus fare home (£4)

Am I right to feel a bit used as I have given up an entire day, for free?

I still have to work 5-10pm and again in the morning 7-1, so there will be no time to do anything else or see my daughter ( she's grown up, but we are very close)

Maybe I'm just a miserable cow and I'm all for helping a friend, but I always do the helping!

OP posts:
Finola1step · 02/12/2016 10:44

Mmm...bacon sarnie. You must be ravenous looking after those dogs. At least 2 rounds of bacon sarnie with 2 rashers per round. Sod it, use the whole pack.

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 10:46

There are no biscuits or much of anything in her kitchen ohtheholidays,

Just the bacon and some grapes, would you not at least have something for your sitter to eat, you would surely if it was a babysitter, luckily her child is 16, and at school so no babysitting duties!

OP posts:
fourkids · 02/12/2016 10:47

If you've text to ask if she's paying you later and she says no, I'd send a text back saying that you're in a bit of a pickle because the shop offered you some extra hours today and you turned it down because you'd already committed to help her and weren't going to be out of pocket because she'd offered to pay you. I'd go on to say that you really do need the wages so you think you'll have to sort the dogs out and go to work, and is there anything specific they'll before you go.

You would imagine she'll ask you to stay and feel bad, and cough up!

BolivarAtasco · 02/12/2016 10:47

Did you post about this same friend a few weeks ago trying to get you to wait in her house for the boiler man to turn up?

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 10:49

No Bolivar, that wasn't me though I have done similar things for her in the past

OP posts:
OhSuckItUpDucky · 02/12/2016 11:00

What did you text her ?

Finola1step · 02/12/2016 11:01

Zukie you sound like a lovely friend.

pictish · 02/12/2016 11:03

You're lovely but stop doing all the favours!

Dagnabit · 02/12/2016 11:19

As she mentioned the needing to go to a cashpoint, it sounds like she is going to pay you but wanted to make sure you could at least get the bus? I wouldn't mention the payment yet and see what happens. Enjoy your day, you can't do chores etc so relax, watch tv and have a cuppa (and bacon sarnie....I presume she isn't expecting you to eat dry bread?) If she doesn't pay at all and you don't feel able to make an issue about it, then never offer to do it again so she'll be losing out in the long run.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/12/2016 11:20

Here's the easy way, make yourself a bacon sarnie. Eat the lot. And the grapes.

Stay until about lunch time. Then leave.

Send her a text saying "Sorry can't stay." Ideally copy the wording of her "sorry can't pay" then don't answer her calls or texts.

Personally, I'd actually leave a note on the kitchen table, written on the side of her note saying "sorry can't stay then" and not even text. She didn't text you in advance did she? Right back atcha!

If you have trouble with confrontation you could prepare words like "I had to prioritise work" for when you do talk. That's true. You need time to chill and sort your life out so that you will be on form for work.

Preferably don't get into any discussion. She will probably verbally bully you using your tendency to feel guilty about things you shouldn't feel guilty about.

A normal person would apologise buckets to you for having taken advantage. A selfish bully would tantrum, be all me me me at you and call you selfish for not being their doormat servant.

bluebeck · 02/12/2016 11:21

I would do what fourkids suggested. I don't think she has any intention of paying you. If she doesn't respond positively I would let the dogs out, get them back in safely leave them plenty of food, then fuck off home.

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 11:29

Dagbabit

There was no mention of needing to go to the cash point, just a note saying "Sorry, can't pay you"

She employs a dog walker to take them out twice a week ( not today) and when I've been here before when he comes she pays him straight up, so I think I've just been made a fool of

OP posts:
FeelingSmurfy · 02/12/2016 11:30

I would play dumb and send a message with my bank details so that she can transfer it over, and isn't she thoughtful leaving the bus money in case I didnt have enough on me, then remind her to take it out of what she transfers over

Its much harder to turn around and actually say "well I wasn't going to pay You"

FeelingSmurfy · 02/12/2016 11:31

Even a PA "wouldn't want you to be out of pocket" after mentioning the bus fare

Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 11:36

Thanks RunRabbit

Some really good advice there, and what you say is absolutely right. I wouldn't get a thank you for coming over, just a hard time for not staying the full day!

OP posts:
Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 11:39

No chance of a bank transfer FeelingSmurfy, friend does banking the old fashioned way, won't entertain the thought of doing it online!

OP posts:
Original poster
zukiecat · 02/12/2016 11:44

I did text and mention I'd seen her note and got the bus fare and I asked if the bacon was meant for me,

All I got back was "No, the bacon is for me and Xxxxx (her child) Bread is for you"

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 11:46

Ha ha - okay, OP. Time to leave. She's left you bread BREAD for your lunch with no fillings. She is not going to pay you as agreed. Just go.

kawolski · 02/12/2016 11:48

Bread for lunch?!?!

Just go OP the dogs will live and if they toilet all over her house then it's no more then she deserves.

Trifleorbust · 02/12/2016 11:49

Oh and leave the bacon on the side. Woof woof!

StStrattersOfMN · 02/12/2016 11:50

[shocked]

zukie my love, I remember you from old. It's good to see you back x

Text her and say you will need to leave to get lunch, ask her if she's going to a cashpoint to get your money. If she kicks off, or says no, text back and say you'll be off home then as the arrangement wasn't for you to sit and starve for no money, and you'd rather do that in the comfort of your own home.

rollonthesummer · 02/12/2016 11:50

You are joking about the bread?! Please don't take this lying down!!

My reply would be-

You have asked me to look after your dogs for which you offered to pay me, yet you have left me no payment-just dry bread! What kind of friend are you?

Dagnabit · 02/12/2016 11:51

Ah, sorry....not sure where I dug up cashpoint from! In that case, take a bath, eat her food and text her to ask when she would be settling the bill. Did you agree on an amount? She's taking the piss!

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 02/12/2016 11:51

Don't let her treat you like a doormat. If you do, your an idiot. The dogs will be fine. If they shit on the floor even better.

wannabestressfree · 02/12/2016 11:51

Wow just wow..........
Please go home and put your feet up...... taking the bacon with you.
Some people are HUGE piss takers.

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