That my brother and sister in law say they cant afford Christmas presents this year

[ncayley115]

My brother and sister in law asked if we could not exchange gifts this year with only a very small gift for the children as they were moving house and couldn't afford it. My bil earns a 3 figure salary and my sil is on around £30k. MY dh and I earn under £50k between us. Anyway, the house sale is off now and I just got a text from sil saying if she doesn't answer her phone its because they are going on holiday to Barbados tomorrow! It makes me a bit cross that they can afford what appears to be a luxury holiday but not presents!

I would spend on a holiday but not give presents. Especially for adults.

A 3 figure salary means he earns under a grand. Are you sure that's right?

Anyway it's their money and they can do what they want with it.

YABU. It's their money, why do they have to give gifts? They may be up to the eyeballs in debt and paid for this holiday on the credit card. People live to, and beyond, their means. It doesn't mean they have to spend it on other people, Xmas or not.

Don't buy them anything either, do what you want with your money.

The holiday was probably paid for (or budgeted for) some time ago, and the ramifications of a sale falling through can be unpredictable.

You simply cannot set someone else's spending priorities.

Are you cross because your not getting a present from them! That's what it certainly seems like?
They haven't disregarded the children, and that's all that matters.

They've asked you not to get gifts for them so don't.

Presumably you mean a six figure salary! In any case, it's their money and while I can understand why you feel a little resentful, it would be very unreasonable to complain about their decision. Lots of families - including very wealthy ones - think it's a bit wasteful and silly for the adults to swap presents. Wish them a happy holiday then go spend the money you would have spent on their present on a treat for your family - buy your own gift!

Your idea of what some one can afford isn't necessarily the same as what they think they can afford YABU. I'm sure my SIL thinks we could afford to get her bigger presents than we do, but we have very different opinions of affordability.

Why are you upset?

Saves you money too

We don't buy for adults here either. Just for the children.

Just spend the money you would have spent on them on yourself. Everyone's a winner.

It makes sense to just buy for the the kids anyway.

A 3 figure salary?

People are selfish and think about themselves and put themselves first in everything. Time you understood this and start doing it yourself. Took me a long time.

They probably deserve a holiday if the sale fell through
I think you need to move on

We have decided not to buy gifts for adults this year. It isn't that we can't afford it we would just rather spend on the kids and all go out for a meal together instead of buying guide things that no one really wants.

I don't see an issue with them going on holiday either. It's their money to spend as they wish.

Gosh I wish my family would do that, it would make my life so much easier as im struggling financially at the moment :-( you never know, perhaps they have hit a time when they are struggling temporarily too. im sure they have their reasons. Showing your offended would just make things awkward and make you look like the bad one.

People are selfish and think about themselves and put themselves first in everything. Time you understood this and start doing it yourself.

It reads like Op already is being selfish and thinking of herself

YABU Op.

It's entirely up to them.

Yeah I never get the entitledness of people over Xmas. Just expect nothing and if you still want to give gifts then that's your choice!

StefCWS Why don't you suggest this to your family if you are struggling? They may actually be in the same boat financially and jump at the idea :)

Why do you have an issue with them not buying you gifts and not wanting any in return? You're not a child. They're allowed to spend their money on whatever they like. , it being their money and all.

I'm sure you'll manage to negotiate the barren wasteland and survive OP.

Personally I'd be delighted and consider it one less bloody task on the list but there you go.

My (ex) friend did this. We always exchanged Christmas gifts, one year I gave her hers and she accepted them saying "Oh we're not doing presents this year as we've just paid for an expensive ski-ing holiday. But thanks for these."

It took several other examples of shitty behaviour before I finally gave up on friendship.

Unfortunately while I agree with you - that it wouldn't break the bank, is a bit hurtful that they can't even get you a token something, there's not a lot you can do except decide whether you want to get them something or not.
Our BIL and SIL are similar - earning huge amounts, no kids, regular holidays etc and every year say the same thing, but DH insists that we get them something - while we don't mind not getting a pressie from them, and realise that having 4 dc's is costly for them, it's ultimately their choice as to whether to get you something or not. So, no, I don't think YABU, but you will just have to respect their decision and then decide whether to get them something from you.

We have a BIG budget for neices and nephews - £15-20 for each one. Anything else would be unecessarily excessive imo. We have savings we could dip into or holiday could be less expensive etc but i refuse to go into debt or overspend the budget we set.
So i'm interested in what the reset "small" budget is for kids' presentsand just to say if i was wanting to scale back present buying i'd have used the house sale as an excuse too.