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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

That my brother and sister in law say they cant afford Christmas presents this year

185 replies

ncayley115 · 01/12/2016 10:55

My brother and sister in law asked if we could not exchange gifts this year with only a very small gift for the children as they were moving house and couldn't afford it. My bil earns a 3 figure salary and my sil is on around £30k. MY dh and I earn under £50k between us. Anyway, the house sale is off now and I just got a text from sil saying if she doesn't answer her phone its because they are going on holiday to Barbados tomorrow! It makes me a bit cross that they can afford what appears to be a luxury holiday but not presents!

OP posts:
mumofzands · 03/12/2016 13:45

Giving gifts should be something you want to do rather than have to do, right? You, as well as them, have a choice so if they choose not to give gifts why get unhappy?
YABU

Jayfee · 03/12/2016 16:27

i am providing food and drink for 10 adults 2 small kids...i would love not to buy any adult gifts as i think that part of christmas is for children. so i think op is bu

TippyT · 03/12/2016 18:53

I have not brought my BIL/ sisters anything for xmas or birthdays for years I see little point. We rarely talk I have not seen one of them since my fathers funeral. (4 yrs ago) she has not met my child. I do Christmas / birthdays for the children my nieces and nephews. I suspect at some point this will stop as its become a exercise in useing Amazon as I never see them other xmas etc anyway.

TippyT · 03/12/2016 18:54

I should also add they do not buy my partner or my self anything either

winterisnigh · 03/12/2016 19:45

Op I thinks its crap and mean.

My family were never present orientated to the degree some are, we were always short of ££ and just made best effort we could, DM usually gave silly joke gifts, like dreadful squatting cheesy parrot.
for little DC you can buy so much for a tenner, gorgeous coloring book, nice pens, stickers, sticker books...

But your not going to change them I would rather not have such people give me a gift we have same in our family.

we have two aunts and uncles - childless, about 6 houses between them, mortgages paid off - huge salaries ie - over hundred grand a year, expensive hobbies, and neither set can put their hand in their pockets and buy our children a gift at xmas.

It does stick in my craw as they enjoy my beautiful dc and play with them.

My poor sister however who is really struggling, always manages to send little bits - probably cost no more than a fiver - but sweet and well chosen non the less from the states.

Its mean hearted - a few quid isnt going to bankrupt anyone. I understand with huge families but when your dc are the only dc in the family - its just crap.

Yes its their choice, but in my view its a mean choice. And no, I am not jealous at all of them or their money, I wouldnt want to be them for all the tea in china.

MargaretCavendish · 04/12/2016 14:15

we have two aunts and uncles - childless, about 6 houses between them, mortgages paid off - huge salaries ie - over hundred grand a year, expensive hobbies, and neither set can put their hand in their pockets and buy our children a gift at xmas.

Do you buy them presents? I don't have an inherent problem with 'children's presents only at Christmas' as a family policy, but I do think it's astonishingly rude if (as seems to be the case in some of the anecdotes on this thread) it's proposed by parents to non-parents.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 04/12/2016 14:29

we have two aunts and uncles - childless, about 6 houses between them, mortgages paid off - huge salaries ie - over hundred grand a year, expensive hobbies, and neither set can put their hand in their pockets and buy our children a gift at xmas.

It does stick in my craw as they enjoy my beautiful dc and play with them.

Good God, it sounds as though you regard your children as rewards - granting your aunt and uncle play time with them, but that they should buy them things in return!

To echo what a PP asked, do you buy them presents? As I said early in the thread, my SIL expects us to buy presents for her children and there's never anything for us, not even a token box of chocs from the nieces (bought by her on their behalf of course). And they do that astonishingly annoying thing of pretending all presents are from Father Christmas, so we don't even get thanked anyway.

I think Christmas would actually be much happier if everyone reined in the gift buying. It's insane.

SusanneLinder · 04/12/2016 15:37

Nah, I'd love this. We dont speak to BIL and SIL ( long story), but when we did we agreed to stop buying each other stuff. I don't see the point in spending say £30 on something they dont actually like to get same spent on me to get something I don't like back.
I'd rather just keep the £30 and spend it on booze and a book.

Imbroglio · 04/12/2016 15:49

If there are very few children and lots of adults is there not a risk that they will get far too much?

BITCAT · 05/12/2016 02:15

Op unfortunately I've learnt that people can be very selfish..and in my experience it's usually the well of that are more so.
We are on a very small income but we still manage to buy everyone including adults in our family small gifts. It's about planning, and budgeting..we start our shopping in Sept come end of nov we are done. We always get nice gifts because we put thought into them but never more than 10/15 pounds per person. We don't spend penny on ourselves till after Xmas because we would much rather other especially our kids had presents.

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