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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That my brother and sister in law say they cant afford Christmas presents this year

185 replies

ncayley115 · 01/12/2016 10:55

My brother and sister in law asked if we could not exchange gifts this year with only a very small gift for the children as they were moving house and couldn't afford it. My bil earns a 3 figure salary and my sil is on around £30k. MY dh and I earn under £50k between us. Anyway, the house sale is off now and I just got a text from sil saying if she doesn't answer her phone its because they are going on holiday to Barbados tomorrow! It makes me a bit cross that they can afford what appears to be a luxury holiday but not presents!

OP posts:
Original poster
ncayley115 · 01/12/2016 11:55

alotlikeChristmas16 that's exactly it. Especially as every other year they have expected gifts and made a big thing of it! I probably am a bit jealous too - I'd love to be off to Barbados!

OP posts:
alotlikeChristmas16 · 01/12/2016 12:13

it is a little unappetizing though when you are talking to someone much worse off than yourself about not being able to afford something - i try never to do it, the truth is, everyone has to prioritize but that is not the same as not being able to afford essentials. I suppose they might've thought it was unpalatable to say they're prioritizing a holiday to barbados over the annual Christmas prezzie swap. I'm jealous too op - no chance of me swanning off to Barbados with a toddler in tow :)

lalalemon · 01/12/2016 12:16

We put a stop to presents for adults last year as SIL just buys tat and I don't like tat 😜

Means we spend a bit more on each niece now, which is how it should be, Christmas is about the children after all!

PurpleDaisies · 01/12/2016 12:18

Means we spend a bit more on each niece now, which is how it should be, Christmas is about the children after all!

Christmas isn't just about children. We have no kids and it's a pretty big thing in our household.

Gottagetmoving · 01/12/2016 12:19

YABU
People should buy gifts if they want to. If you want to buy them gifts go ahead.
You shouldn't even be thinking about what they earn and whether this means they should be spending their money on gifts.

winkywinkola · 01/12/2016 12:21

Just forget about presents.

Make sure your dc are happy. That you have a wonderful time together over the festive season.

That's it. Don't let other people affect you.

Yoarchie · 01/12/2016 12:24

Look on the bright side no more shit presents

JackShit · 01/12/2016 12:25

They sound like tight arses yanbu

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 01/12/2016 12:28

I know lots of people who do not spend a lot on Christmas presents but can afford to

They don't get caught up in the commercialism of Christmas. A few friends and family only buy for friends children and they only buy for mine

RebootYourEngine · 01/12/2016 12:32

A few years ago we as a family agreed on children and siblings without children. It is so much easier and it makes me enjoy christmas more. We all are the type of people who buy things when we want so when it comes to christmas and birthdays we dont need anything and most of the time we are buying something just for the sake of buying. One year well all gave each other money and it was silly.

Now there is less stress. And i am not a tight person. I am quite generous when it comes to family.

Imbroglio · 01/12/2016 12:32

My approach is to do gifts for anyone I am seeing on the day, even if it's a token. Otherwise buy for who I want to. I don't expect anything from anyone and would hate people to feel obliged.

Baylisiana · 01/12/2016 12:34

They can afford to get something. They just can't be bothered, and it might have been better for them to be more honest. Yanbu OP, they sound annoying. I can totally see this is not about you wanting a present, just wanting to feel that family is a priority to them and that you aren't just being spun a line. However I would not make a fuss, not worth causing a feud over.

I understand in some families gifts for children only might be the best way forward, but for many families that would go against what Christmas is about for them. We include everyone and have great fun exchanging gifts with adults. Also, many families with young children will go through at least several years when they are grown but before grandchildren....what then, no gifts at all?

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 01/12/2016 12:39

I so wish I had the guts to say "I can't be bothered doing Christmas shopping for other people's children who never thank me anyway. Please don't get me anything either". I could then get on with actually enjoying Christmas.

expatinscotland · 01/12/2016 12:40

YABU. Don't see the point in presents for adults, the whole thing is already so fucking commercial.

StefCWS · 01/12/2016 12:40

It not a bad idea actually Tups, ill suggest it to my partner. My brother would be fine but its his family im not sure would be> but they are the type of people that would be fine with me asking and just say if they didn't want to go along with it so no harm I suppose x

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 01/12/2016 12:41

Christmas is about the children after all!

I fucking loathe this attitude. You only hear it from people with children, and it's one of the reasons the childless can feel so miserable at Christmas. It's not "just for the children." Christmas is for everyone.

MitzyLeFrouf · 01/12/2016 12:43

My family does Kris Kindle for the adults. Takes all the Christmas shopping pressure away and everyone is guaranteed one well thought out gift.

ElizabethHoney · 01/12/2016 12:50

YANBU, they're being tight.

But then, it's often those with less who are more generous, and those with more who are meaner.

creamycrackers · 01/12/2016 12:51

I have quite a few siblings with quite a few Dc. We have an unspoken agreement that when we feel we can't afford to buy gifts for the adults we just don't and nobody seems to care, it's the same for birthdays too. It doesn't matter what we decide to spend our money on other than Christmas gifts because that's our business and vice versa. We would much rather get together for a laugh tbh.

MitzyLeFrouf · 01/12/2016 12:52

Your relatives do sound very annoying though OP. It’s beyond boring listening to wealthier family members bleat on about how poor they are. Just before they jet off to Barbados.

Ulysses · 01/12/2016 12:53

I think it's possible if they are earning those kinds of salaries, which will require a lot of hours input I expect, have just lost lost out on a house so are going on holiday they just cant be bothered of the hassle of buying.

I'm relying on Amazon for presents because I don't have time to go to the shops but delivery dates are getting closer and closer to Christmas so if they are now going away I expect they don't want to committed into going having to go round shops in a mad panic.

I especially think if it's your DB on the six-figure salary it would be your SIL doing the bulk of the pressie buying (again due to time) then you should be taking it up with him.

Katy07 · 01/12/2016 12:55

"They have money so they should get us a present". Whatever happened to the spirit of Christmas? Hmm

chilipepper20 · 01/12/2016 12:55

I am not from the christian tradition, but really like christmas. The one thing I hate though is the random gift giving. "just a token" is the worst. why does anyone want a random useless thing?

PoohBearsHole · 01/12/2016 13:01

chillipepper20 I'm with you. Don't bother giving me token tat, please don't waste your money - if you do want to get something get me some chocolate that I like or a bottle of wine.

Oh and MIL you can stop with the weirdo flavours of gin/whisky/vodka which cost more than a "naice" bottle of say Bombay.......

I'm not in the slightest bah humbug.

OP sounds like you have had a lucky escape from regifted Honey which bearing in mind you have 3 of already perhaps you don't like Smile

KatharinaRosalie · 01/12/2016 13:02

We proposed gifts for kids only some years ago. Because I honestly didn't have any more space for the random supermarket gift sets SILs kept giving us. So maybe the poverty was just an excuse?

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