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Original poster

That my brother and sister in law say they cant afford Christmas presents this year

185 replies

ncayley115 · 01/12/2016 10:55

My brother and sister in law asked if we could not exchange gifts this year with only a very small gift for the children as they were moving house and couldn't afford it. My bil earns a 3 figure salary and my sil is on around £30k. MY dh and I earn under £50k between us. Anyway, the house sale is off now and I just got a text from sil saying if she doesn't answer her phone its because they are going on holiday to Barbados tomorrow! It makes me a bit cross that they can afford what appears to be a luxury holiday but not presents!

OP posts:
Blackbird82 · 01/12/2016 14:10

We only buy for the kids in the family. I can't stand wasting money on crap for adults that nobody wants. I don't want or expect presents either. It's a massive waste of money.

Fockers · 01/12/2016 14:13

We do presents for kids only. My siblings live lavish lives on high salaries while I don't but don't you always find the most generous people are those with less money? Wink

whoopsiedaisy123 · 01/12/2016 14:21

OP I understand why you're annoyed.

We have family members who earn a lot more than we do and have bigger houses, newer cars etc etc but they always say they haven't got any money! It winds me up.

Baylisiana · 01/12/2016 14:26

I can see that exchanging presents with adults you are not close too, who don't appreciate them or think at all about what they give you, would be fairly frustrating and not really worth it. I come from a really quite small family, all close, which probably influences my thinking on adult presents. We also have several adults who love both buying and receiving parcels, we are children at heart I guess!

grannytomine · 01/12/2016 14:30

When I was a kid in the 50s it was exciting to get anything. A box of chocolates with a picture of a kitten or puppy on the front was great and we would use the box all year for keeping pencils in, or cards and letters or whatever. A box of hankies with lace round them were also lovely. Those sort of things wouldn't raise much excitement now.

I hate that people try to think of a suitable gift, I've been telling my kids for the last couple of years that I love an amazon token, it sits there and I can top up my kindle at will. Oh no it has to be a surprise, imaginative, original. Experiences are the big thing, Oh God not another trek to the back end of nowhere for a cup of tea and a scone. Goodness another set of smellies I can't use because they make me itch like a scabby cat.

I love Christmas, I love Midnight Mass, the little ones in the Nativity play, Christmas carols and cards from old friends, turkey and mince pies (not on the same plate thank you) and having a little cry when I watch It's a Wonderful Life for the millionth time. The Salvation Army playing carols in the town centre and the pretty lights are lovely. Receiving useless gifts doesn't add anything and worrying about people who I know haven't got much money wasting money is a real downer.

Arfarfanarf · 01/12/2016 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 01/12/2016 14:35

I like getting drunk and eating too much with a hearty Yuletide feast, granny, but I totally relate to your sentiments.

grannytomine · 01/12/2016 14:36

expatinscotland, I do enjoy the eating too much as well but I don't drink so I will leave all the booze for you.

alotlikeChristmas16 · 01/12/2016 14:39

i couldn't agree more granny and personally I'd like my 2 DC who get waaay too much from people they hardly spend any time with (large extended family) to get less sparkly tat. But if I try and suggest that they don't need it, I'm a mean mummy. Last year we had 4 large bin bags full of toys for the DC. I wish that money had been donated to people that needed it.

grannytomine · 01/12/2016 14:42

alotlikeChristmas, oh yes the bin bags full of tat. My late MIL used to arrive with one for each child so 4 bin bags of tat without whatever we bought them or other relatives.

We kept saying we didn't have room for it all and she took to saying but it has a box or I bought a bag to keep it in.One Christmas my husband told her that he was buying her an elephant, she looked a bit gob smacked and said she didn't have room for an elephant. Husband said don't worry I've bought a big box for it to live in. It was rare for my MIL to be speechless.

Cherryskypie · 01/12/2016 14:47

It's fine for them to decide on their spending priorities. It's not fine for them to hassle you to give money you can't afford for your FIL's birthday and then claim they can't afford Christmas presents. I have a SIL who's a bit like this. She swings from not having enough money to buy a Mother's Day card to spending £80+ on a birthday present. She always has enough for skiing holidays.

InsultingTheAlligator · 01/12/2016 14:52

Binbags full of tat. Oh yes.

My DM is very into going a bit overboard with tat in order to show you have thought of people. She got very cross with me because she is going to an old work colleague's place a few days after Christmas for lunch and wanted me (who they have never met) to buy loads of gifts 'Aldi will do' for their grandchildren - whom none of us have ever met. I asked her if her former work colleague's DIL would be expecting tat from someone she has never met, and my DM got quite cross and wittered about 'nice gestures'.

[head bang]

I put my foot down quite firmly and was told (very crossly) that maybe I could send a nice chatty message in a card instead.

baffled.

(I will not get started on what she expects for extended family).

alotlikeChristmas16 · 01/12/2016 14:52

love it :) and then they complain the children are very materialistic!

Aki23 · 01/12/2016 14:55

I buy for parents, FIL, DH, children and cousins children. I don't expect any presents from anyone

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 01/12/2016 15:02

Christmas is about the children after all!

No it isn't!

Should those that don't have DC not bother at all then Hmm

oldlaundbooth · 01/12/2016 15:02

Me and my brother decided just to get kids pressies - makes sense to me.

Colby43443 · 01/12/2016 15:15

Get their kid some nominal under £10 then, and use the money you save to treat the other kids in the family.

chilipepper20 · 01/12/2016 16:15

expatinscotland, I do enjoy the eating too much as well but I don't drink so I will leave all the booze for you.

it's all fun if you ask me. The lights, singing, get togethers, fires, ... the only thing not fun is looking for tat that you feel you must buy. I think christmas would be infinitely better without the random gift giving.

MrsSnootch · 01/12/2016 16:18

Op,why are you upset

bigredfireengine · 01/12/2016 17:30

I am fascinated that you know what they earn. I have no idea what any of mine or my DHs siblings earn and don't care. Are you jealous?

We don't give adult gifts and I stop children at 18 (only 6 more to go) . I am well off. I am not mean but I just hate the waste that is Christmas and the pointless commercialism. If any of my family wants money I would give it to them. No-one needs a 3 for 2 Boots gift set.

bigredfireengine · 01/12/2016 17:33

Op,why are you upset

Hopefully she didn't have a few items to regift or some reduced generic tat stuff from the january sales to give all lined up.

bigredfireengine · 01/12/2016 17:40

I wanted to offer all children over 11 a one off payment to buy them out of christmas and birthday gifts for life but DH thought it was too odd to offer.

bigredfireengine · 01/12/2016 18:10

Oh God not another trek to the back end of nowhere for a cup of tea and a scone

I love that comment. On mumsnet it is always suggested either a spa day or afternoon tea as a suitable gift for a mother or grandmother. Both would be my idea of hell on earth. If I am ever bought one in the future I simply would not go.

Original poster
ncayley115 · 01/12/2016 18:29

No I did not have generic tat or reports or things from.last January's sales lined up! I genuinely enjoy buying gifts and put a lot of thought into them. I don't have any siblings so it was lovely to have the opportunity to choose presents for them. I'm not upset about not receiving a gift at all. What has annoyed me - not upset me - is that they claim they are financially stretched bit can afford a last minute trip to the Caribbean! I do know what they earn because SIL tells me frequently. I have taken everyone's comment on board and we will just enjoy our Christmas and can spend more on our 22 month old son and the others in our family.

OP posts:
petitpois55 · 01/12/2016 18:47

We are going away this Christmas for the first time ever. I 'm not even writing any cards, and our holiday is our treat really, so only a smallish gift to open on Christmas Day. Will still put up a tree, and enjoy the run up to Christmas, but it's so liberating not to be sending cards and buying presents.
I think we are going to do the same next year.Smile