I've just howled my eyes out because this morning for the first time in 10 years ...

[Laiste]

... DH gave me a birthday card with no words in it. I mean he wrote in it, but It was one of those no effort .com Moon Pig ones. He openly sets loads of store by the words in cards too and reads them very carefully when it's his own birthday.

[bottom lip wibbles again] :(

I said nothing about it at the time this morning - bottled it up and just cried in the shower. My AIBU is: Should i tell him how it's hurt me when he gets home from work? Or is this one of those things you should just keep to yourself? Am i just being a tit?

(for info. first day of period and i've got PMT and no check on my emotions)

Jesus "a bit hard work " that's a bit harsh. If she is upset she is upset. That does not qualify a person as hard work. We all have different little things that upset us based on what we are used to.

Staggering to me that people still think the OP should raise it with her DH.

• it seems he's put more effort in this year than in previous years
• as a result of getting a personalized card, there was no pre-printed message, but it's the DH and not the OP that likes cards with pre-printed messages anyway.
• he has, without prompting, said that upon receiving the card, he wished there'd been a pre-printed message.

I think taking further at this point would be rude and ungrateful in the extreme; fortunately the OP seems happy enough now anyway.

Have you ever tried ordering a card on moonpig? It takes much longer chosing the size, style, writing on the front, inside and back (and maybe adding photos too) then the whole check out/payment etc than it does quickly picking one up off the shelf. I think making one on moonpig is much more effort

kirsty was just about to write #firstworldproblems. I feel some serious eye rolling is in order. Sorry OP, YABU.

and slightly strange

This year, for Valentine's day, I gave my husband the least revolting card I could find and inside I wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for details". I think he wrote a "roses are red" poem that ended in "poo" in mine. We laughed.

Personally I'm lucky if I get a "love from Mr Catwaving" in my cards, but I get where you're coming from. Its the change that's upset you.

As your reaction is a bit out of proportion, are you worried in general about how he feels about you now? Are you worried about the relationship in general?

hey you have a husband - lucky you ...never had one of those ....

I used to get worked up over cards too. Words are my 'thing' so I tend to prefer blank cards which I can be sentimental in. I used to buy beautiful (and expensive) cards for my dh. He would smile, look sufficiently moved and thank me for the lovely cards. When my birthday/ anniversary/ valentines came around I would look forward to receiving a card, only to be presented with either a cutesy teddy kind of card, or with a joke card. I would pretend I loved it and give my dh a big hug to say thanks.

The thing is, my dh has always been more physical and verbal when showing his love. I quickly realised that was just who he was, I even jokingly brought it up ( he admitted he hates slushy cards but always loves my words/ art work. He hadn't wanted to offend me so pretended that he loved that type of card. Could this be the case with your dh?), I now handmake (well kids help most) all the cards I give him, he still buys the joke cards and we giggle together about the jokes. He chooses funny cards that usually are relatable. I know my dh adores me and I him, I don't need a verse in a card to prove this to me. Ask your dh to be honest, is he really a fan of long versed cards or does he prefer to show his love in other ways.

Of course if you have been together for over ten years and he is suddenly changing the effort he puts into your relationship, then you may need to have a frank discussion about whether his feelings have changed. Good luck OP xxxx

Except that he's put in MORE effort this year.

Happy birthday, OP. Here, I have gift-wrapped a grip for you.

Never mind the card! Did you get a PREZZIE??

That's horrible OP. My DP writes the most amazing verses in my cards and vice versa there's always something new to add each year and we both go back and read them when we're alone for comfort. Tell him how much the card means to you he might not have realised he's done something to upset you

Happy birthday OP!

I haven't RTFT but wanted to say I get it. I'd be peeved if DH did the moonpig thing, even if some effort is better than no effort.

A few years ago, it was my birthday a short time after our wedding. I was so excited at receiving my first ever WIFE card. DH was aware of this. Yet he still trusted DD to 'help' him choose a birthday card for me. For a joke, she convinced him that I would prefer a humourous card. So he got me a small one with a cartoon pile of turd on it and I can't even fucking remember what the joke part of it was because all I saw was a cartoon pile of steaming shit and I ran into my bedroom and howled.

Credit where credit's due, he was absolutely mortified, immediately went back to the shop and bought me a lovely Wife card and flowers and apologised profusely. (DD apologised too, to both of us) He's never made that mistake again He was devastated to have upset me and kicking himself for not realising DD was pranking him.

Thank you annie and those that say they get it/got it

I do have enough grips now, thank you

You know when you're down, but the manic two year old general business of the day is stopping you dwelling on stuff ... then you get in the shower/bath/bed and all the stuff which is worrying you swirls into your head all at once and there might be one thing which tips you into tears? Well the card was the thing. I surprised myself how hard i cried, but it was probably all a mixture of other things too.

There's been a bit of family tension lately. The thing causing it would also explain a lack of time for him to shop for a card in his normal way to be honest. I've been tetchy with him he's been tetchy with me but this weekend is going to be the end of it (the thing i mean, not the marriage) and the atmos is already better.

The balloon is still stuck to the wall

OK the present - at the risk of inviting more grips being handed out - i'm telling because posters have asked - it was a bit of a catastrophe. I had hinted at a specific handbag. The one i was after was a little dark red patent over the arm bucket style bag. Not v.expensive - £30ish. He's usually spot on with prezzies - picks up on things you've said or seen through the year and there was lots of nod nod wink wink 'i know what you want' type stuff from him, so i was really looking forward to my red bag.

The bag i received was a floppy cotton beach bag, with tassels all around it in fluorescent orange and green. Once all unfolded, it is literally big enough for a small adult to sit in! Bigger than one of those yellow Ikea packing bags and reminiscent of a camel saddle cover

Of course i told him i loved it and thanked him very much. It's NOT why i cried in the shower before anyone says oh my goooaaaad you cried over an actual cloth bag?! No, it was a just a cock up, it's ok, i'll use it on the beach next year to carry at least 10 people's gear in.

I think I'd be wailing about the bag and not the card

Personally I hate those saccharine trite Pte-printed cards written by someone who knows nothing about me - and for whom only about every one word in six applies (and I'm including 'The' and 'a' in the word count) . Don't they go in the recycling anyway?

.

BUT - I get that it's important to you, a change from the norm and a bit sad for you.

Next steak & blow job day get him a Fray Bentos pie and a length of hose & tell him to get on with it!

(NOTE - joke. S&B day is abhorrent but funnier to make a joke about to cheer OP up)

Happy Birthday OP.

Someone posted on a Christmas thread that when their grandfather receives a card wishing him a Happy Christmas he writes: "And to you!" In it and then does "return to sender"

Genius way of cutting down on postage.

I suggest you rest easy in the knowledge that when it comes to your husband's birthday you can do the same to him with this card.

PS I am moved to post and suggest this because of the description of that bag....

rousette, ikl and horizon and

Proper ridiculous problem. You're lucky he's not lying and/or fucking someone else as that's what most men I encounter in life do. Happy belated birthday anyway.

I can see why you're upset if he is this is a sudden change in behaviour. I think it is more likely to reflect a change in him (perhaps due to other stresses) than a change in your relationship though. It could be that he has got the impression that you aren't really into the cards though and therefore has decided not to make so much effort. You may not have said anything but if he really knows you he would have realised by now.

By the way, it's AIBU and no one bothers to RTFT, so they like to come in and post the same thing endlessly (because where would you be without their opinion?) You might want to hide the thread!

I get a card with "To Army. Tom x".

I'd love a poem, or even a decent message

Relax, he just hasn't got the hang of the website. Probably didn't even know you can upload writing for the middle page.

I woke up on my birthday this year, it was on a Saturday. My husband announced that he needed to go into town to buy me a card as he had forgotten to buy me one! I told him not to bother. It didn't particularly upset me but I sipppse we all have different sensitivities!

YWNBU. Change in card/present behaviour was one of the first signs that my DH was fucking a much much much younger (than me) other "woman"