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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've just howled my eyes out because this morning for the first time in 10 years ...

214 replies

Laiste · 30/11/2016 14:26

... DH gave me a birthday card with no words in it. I mean he wrote in it, but It was one of those no effort .com Moon Pig ones. He openly sets loads of store by the words in cards too and reads them very carefully when it's his own birthday.

[bottom lip wibbles again] :(

I said nothing about it at the time this morning - bottled it up and just cried in the shower. My AIBU is: Should i tell him how it's hurt me when he gets home from work? Or is this one of those things you should just keep to yourself? Am i just being a tit?

(for info. first day of period and i've got PMT and no check on my emotions)

OP posts:

Namechangeemergency · 30/11/2016 17:34

I am hoping that 'howling my eyes out' is hyperbole.

Please tell me it is.

LilywhiteLil · 30/11/2016 17:36

I once unwrapped a long, slim jewellery box - the kind you'd get a bracelet in - from a former boyfriend only to find a fake plastic poo in there. This was not a 'only kidding, here's your real pressie' gag; that was it.

LetsSplashMummy · 30/11/2016 17:42

How well can you remember the conversation where he talked about the cards he liked? What did you say? Is there a chance you said you like simpler things or did you join in enthusing about long messages.

What he likes is irrelevant - I don't get it at all. It is what you like that matters here and you haven't actually said you like long gushing cards. If he has "downgraded" you, it is probably because you have talked about your preferences since the last card not that he thinks less of you.

You are being ridiculous, honestly, it is the PMT, and now go celebrate how great the last 10 years must have been for this to be the worst thing to happen.

Sybys · 30/11/2016 17:44

I've emigrated so rely on moonpig and alike to send cards to family. Whilst they're a god-send in terms of me being able to ensure cards arrive on time, they are fiddly and a bit of an effort to do. I miss the convenience of just picking one up in a shop.

I think YABU OP (and think you've come to accept that), but would add that I don't think it's a great idea to speak to him about it right now. If you would truly be aghast to receive another moonpig card, maybe let him know in the build-up to your next birthday; I think if you did it today it would seem a bit petty and ungrateful and might lead to an argument.

timelytess · 30/11/2016 17:48

Moon at the pig when he gets home. See if he gets it.

CountessWindyBottom · 30/11/2016 17:53

Happy Birthday. Yes, you are being a complete tit regardless of your hormone levels.

Sybys · 30/11/2016 17:56

Well, if he used to write four pages then he did set the standard very high.
Or am I not getting something?
He didn't write them - she's talking about the pre-printed messages in cards. Today's card didn't have a pre-printed message, just something the OP's OH wrote personally.

SILfoundmyusername · 30/11/2016 18:01

I don't think you are being a tit. I think you are worried that the change in card ad style and thought behind it means something has changed with him or your relationship. That's not something you can keep bottled up, but it depends if you can enjoy your meal or not having not talked about it.

Roussette · 30/11/2016 18:04

But why can't someone change their mind as to what sort of card they send their DP? Sometimes I've sent my DH a funny one, sometimes romantic, sometimes daft, sometimes I write a lot, sometimes I don't. Try variety, it's fun!

MsJudgemental · 30/11/2016 18:13

I hate cards with words in them. Much rather have something sincere written by the giver, not something syrupy or cheesy. Always got my mother a blank card as I wasn't going to lie.......(now NC).

SENPARENT · 30/11/2016 18:14

I don't get what your problem is.

You told your husband the big slushy cards are not your thing.Your husband stops sending them and sends you a card saying, "Love you loads and loads" with loads of kisses all about.

You are being a tit OP. Get a grip.

RhiWrites · 30/11/2016 18:16

I think the real issue is that the OP didn't understand how much effort it takes to make a Moonpig card. They're a lot more effort than a Hallmark message card.

BusterGonad · 30/11/2016 18:20

NoCapes I know it isn't funny but that card made me laugh. Just the fact you've kept it and had it to hand adds to the hilarity!

Sybys · 30/11/2016 18:23

*SILfoundmyusername

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 30/11/2016 18:46

Reminds me of Airplane! when one of the passengers gets worried: "That's odd, Jim never has a second cup of coffee at home."

This is not a sudden change in behaviour. It's a complete overanalysis from the OP.

Bluemoon49 · 30/11/2016 19:01

IME designing and writing a card on moonpig can take a lot of effort, it just depends how much you want to put in. You can spend a few minutes on the site getting a pre-witten one and paying a fortune to get it sent the next day, just like you could rush into clintons and grab a pre-written card before posting it first class. On the other hand, you can spend hours on moonpig choosing a design, uploading personal pictures and crafting your own heartfelt words to go inside it. If OP's DH wanted to write his usual love letter type message he could have done that through moonpig.

Don't necessarily assume that moonpig = effortless.

Totally off topic I know. Just had to defend moonpig. OP YANBU to be upset given the context of your DH's usual card writing habits, but YABU to let it ruin your whole day. Maybe ask casually what happened to his usual soppy message? Maybe he was particularly busy this year and forgot, hence a lack of time to write lots? Can happen to anyone.

Sybys · 30/11/2016 19:05

She's talking about the pre-printed messages in birthday cards, her DH doesn't write the long messages himself.

BalloonSlayer · 30/11/2016 21:22

He was probably at work saying "I need to get a card for DW, takes me ages to find one that's just right" and someone said "Go to Moonpig, you can design your own, so it IS just right, it makes it really personal, LOADS better than a shop-bought one," so he does just that . . . not realising that some people, like the OP (and me TBH), think Moonpig = no effort or forgot & only remembered when it was too late to go to the shops.

There are plenty of instances when someone buys someone something that they think is fab, but the recipient is more au fait with what is currently fashionable/unfashionable, stylish/naff, high class/low class, cool/lame and is horrified by the lovingly chosen gift they have been given. I mean, try buying clothes for a teenager . . .

Sybys · 30/11/2016 21:51

not realising that some people, like the OP (and me TBH), think Moonpig = no effort or forgot & only remembered when it was too late to go to the shops
You need to buy from moonpig in advance so that they can mail you the card and it be received in time. Not an option is someone has forgotten.

Soubriquet · 30/11/2016 21:58

Yeah moonpig try their best to deliver for the next two days but it can take up to 5 days.

Not a last minute purchase

Original poster

Laiste · 01/12/2016 08:18

Lots of replies, thank you. Some very sweet advice and loved the poems :)

(''If that's the worst that's happened to you ...'' ect from demonchild. It's not the worst thing that's happened to me in the last 10 years by a very long way, no. Thanks for that)

To those saying he's changed his style because i said i like a simple card - well i've never really told him my preference. We chat (when the subject comes up) about how much he likes to give and receive big wordy cards. How much he feels a card means. (He's been quite hurt by the absence of a card from his brother recently) ect. He's always sent wordy cards and i've always found it really sweet. When someone tells you they feel a particular thing reflects a persons feelings and they always send you massive one and then all of a sudden they send you a tiny one i guess it makes you think 'hang on ...'

What else ... oh yeah, i was never going to rant tearfully at him about it. I'm not a ranter.

Princess - ''if something upsets you, you should be able to share it somehow with your significant other, and if this has touched a deeper nerve than "wrong type of card", then it's worth exploring somehow.''

Thanks for this too. I guess it touched a deeper nerve, yes.

To those who don't get it at all - I can't explain any more than it was probably 70% hormones, 10% me wondering what's changed, and 20% the few shitty things going on for us at the mo which just came out in tears in the shower.

For info i said nothing last night. We had a lovely quiet meal out together (despite stomach cramps!). We laughed about the single balloon he stuck on the wall AND out of the blue he said - that card, i wished it had had some words in it and i didn't realise it would be that small ...

Well why didn't he say that when he gave it to me?!

OP posts:

Sandsnake · 01/12/2016 08:53

Happy Birthday! And sorry that you're feeling emotional.

I'm now a bit worried though as I tend to give blank cards (with me writing inside) quite a lot. But I see it as the opposite - it's the people I care about most who tend to get the blank ones (often without even Happy Birthday on the front - just a lovely photo or art I think they'd like) as I can then write a personal message. I'm more likely to get someone I don't know as well a 'pre-written card'. Hopefully people understand that!

Again, Happy Birthday.

Cats1ife · 01/12/2016 08:58

OP - glad you had a lovely evening. I would not give the card thing another thought.

Did he get you a gift though - or just the balloon stuck to the wall?

My mum has been "creating" for the last month because of a great card misdemeanour. She asked for a M&S gift voucher which came in a quite nice card so I wrote in that. Nooooo! She is apparently "devastated and distraught" that I did not buy a separate card. She has slated me to anyone who will listen, to the point I'm not sure I can now show my face up north for Xmas.

Never mind the fact that her actual birthday gift was a new flat (so she could have a base near to me, DH and the grandchildren to use whenever she likes) and the fact I've decorated and furnished it for her / down to cutlery and food in the fridge! And made her a massive "rainbow cake" with the DC and welcomed her with champagne and a surprise party when she and 'D'F came down.

No apparently it's all about the card

RhiWrites · 01/12/2016 09:02

*he said - that card, i wished it had had some words in it and i didn't realise it would be that small ...

Well why didn't he say that when he gave it to me?! *

I wouldn't have. It's not a great way to give a gift by saying. "I got you this. It's not as good as I hoped it'd be."

PrincessMortificado · 01/12/2016 09:08

Aw, really glad that you had a nice birthday evening Laiste, and that you now know it wasn't an intentional "thing"

I hope that that 20% of shitty stuff works itself out soon. Every relationship has its moments.

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