I've just howled my eyes out because this morning for the first time in 10 years ...

[Laiste]

... DH gave me a birthday card with no words in it. I mean he wrote in it, but It was one of those no effort .com Moon Pig ones. He openly sets loads of store by the words in cards too and reads them very carefully when it's his own birthday.

[bottom lip wibbles again] :(

I said nothing about it at the time this morning - bottled it up and just cried in the shower. My AIBU is: Should i tell him how it's hurt me when he gets home from work? Or is this one of those things you should just keep to yourself? Am i just being a tit?

(for info. first day of period and i've got PMT and no check on my emotions)

I don't get why some people get upset when someone sends a birthday card that isn't the type they'd send themselves. We are all different. The card should say something about the sender, and their wishes for the recipient. If anyone sends me a soft as crap card with god awful verses I'm not going to get upset, but I'd never send one of those myself.

Wow.

It's a card.

You cried because he gave you a card that was somewhat thoughtful but not a book of soppiness?

"Howled my eyes out"

At a card.

You need a grip, a huge one.

that you like cards

Well yeah, you should probably talk to him, it's always best to communicate.

But maybe not so much a "bawling your eyes out at him", rather more of a "Thanks again. You know, I do love that moonpig card, but I kind of miss the old type."

Has something happened recently to make you think he values you less?

Howled your eyes out??

I hate when people hand out grips out on here but really...

Talk to him about it, why? So he can feel shit and think his wife is a loon? This is the OP's issue not her DH's.

Because it's clearly meaningful to the OP. And if I've ever been upset over something deeply, I've talked to my husband and we've resolved it instantly, even if it was a me-being-silly thing. That's part of most relationships isn't it?

Again - I'm not saying run and scream and wail. Just chat about it.

DH, I howled because, although you got me a birthday card, it wasn't the right sort of card...

I think I read that Gary Lineker's first wife knew it was all over when he signed her birthday card "Gary Lineker."

She's talking about it here. With vast majority saying she's BU. She's already made a 'thing' out of it completely needlessly and doesn't need to drag it out further.

Well, my husband took me to macdonalds for my birthday dinner last year, and I managed to keep the tears at bay, so I think you're going to have to pull yourself together and focus on the fact you are celebrating with something other than a Big Mac. Happy birthday! Pmt is a bitch.

Hmm. It's possible dh and I have a different dynamic from some others.

He wouldn't be offended if I hadn't liked something, he'd genuinely want to know to avoid it again, and vice-versa. We have silly jokes about some of the stupid things we've bought, or mis-gestures over the years. (That might be a bit weird though, I am aware we're a bit odd )

No matter what, I still can't help thinking that if something upsets you, you should be able to share it somehow with your significant other, and if this has touched a deeper nerve than "wrong type of card", then it's worth exploring somehow.

That one balloon needs 2 friends. You've at very least got to make it into a cock and balls!

Satsuki, that's awful! What was his excuse? Was he short on cash? Even if that was the case, he could have cooked you a nice meal at home...

A friend's exh took her to Little Chef, with a 2 for one offer cut out from the local paper. They weren't married for long.

Happy Birthday OP, it's not that bad in the grand scheme of things.

I think it's your hormones and I hate people who say things like that. 'Howling your eyes out' at a birthday card is a bit over the top.

That said, DH didn't get me a christmas card last year and I was a bit put out because every year before he has got me a lovely card from him plus one from the cats as well! (Don't ask). I accepted that he was busy and forgot though, no tears shed.

I agree princessmortificado I like the phrase mis-gesture too.

I think it's how you deal with things together. For e,g after the Macdonalds debacle - if we are near an Asda cafe, or see a hotdog van at the side of the road I say to dh "ooh wonder if they're taking bookings for next June? Shall I note the number for you" and we have a laugh about it. Likewise, I bought him a beanie hat that he and I both know he hates and will never wear, yet he pretends he likes it and is waiting for it to be cold enough to wear it and I pretend to believe him

Everyone except my mum forgot my birthday

It was basically a complete balls up and miscommunication - he had taken the day off work and booked a restaurant for all of us, but then inexplicably cancelled it because he thought I'd prefer to decide on the day. I thought he had planned something so didn't say anything, it got late and the kids hadn't eaten so he panicked and took us all to Macdonalds. It was pretty shit and I did feel a bit tearful, and I still think he could have managed something better - let's face it anything - but he feels bad about it and we can laugh it off now. There was a moment where he said "isn't this nice just all being together" where I could have cheerfully punched him though

He has booked us a lunch out somewhere nice for Christmas Eve to make up for it.

Laiste

Ooh I love Moonpig cards! You can put your own messages and pictures on them. I've wasted spent hours designing them.

I particularly enjoy adding embarrassing lovely pictures of my kids when they were little

I think that it's his usual style of card that would have had me crying tbh!

I get it.

Many years ago, a couple of months before valentines day, my then boyfriend and I were just chatting, and he happened to mention how difficult it was to buy a valentines card for his ex, because he realised that he didn't love her (but they hadn't broken up yet) and so he spent ages trying to find a valentines card that didn't use the word love.

Fast forward a few months and its valentines. The card he picks didn't have the word love on the front. Later I realised it did in what he had written, but I burst into tears. He was bewildered. I reminded him of the conversation we'd had before. It turns out he just liked the card and it made him smile. We are now very happily married.

We put a lot of effort into special occasions, go all out on birthdays etc, and so I'd feel really upset if suddenly he treated it differently. There's probably a completely innocent explanation for it, like with my valentines card, but if its upsetting you, then talk to him. Nothing good ever comes from bottling things up.

Please tell me you honestly did not cry your eyes out at this?!

I reserve crying my eyes out for bereavement and truly awful things.

A card is a card. Honestly. Moonpig is fiddly, far easier to grab any old card from a shop.

This is utterly ridiculous, sorry but it is. How lovely to have a DH writing that he loves you loads and loads. Surely that is enough?

I'm guessing that the 'howling your eyes out' wasn't really about the card, but worry about what the change might signify.

But - the thing is HE doesn't think this - i know because we've chatted about it lots of times, he sets great store on the words and usually gives big gushy 4 page cards AND a slushy bit from him. And i send them to him and he sits and reads them carefully and loves it.

Well, if he used to write four pages then he did set the standard very high.
Or am I not getting something?