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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just howled my eyes out because this morning for the first time in 10 years ...

214 replies

Laiste · 30/11/2016 14:26

... DH gave me a birthday card with no words in it. I mean he wrote in it, but It was one of those no effort .com Moon Pig ones. He openly sets loads of store by the words in cards too and reads them very carefully when it's his own birthday.

[bottom lip wibbles again] :(

I said nothing about it at the time this morning - bottled it up and just cried in the shower. My AIBU is: Should i tell him how it's hurt me when he gets home from work? Or is this one of those things you should just keep to yourself? Am i just being a tit?

(for info. first day of period and i've got PMT and no check on my emotions)

OP posts:
Cuttingthecheese · 01/12/2016 09:10

You cried over a card? A bit of thick paper folded in half? Are you for real? What's the real issue?

FAIRYFRETGNIKCUF · 01/12/2016 09:11

If every year he writes something lovely and this year he didn't I think YANBU

Thinkingblonde · 01/12/2016 09:27

I once received a Wedding Anniversay card on my birthday from DH. He'd crossed out the word Anniversary and replaced it with Bitthday.
I looked at him, puzzled. He told me he didn't like any of the birthday cards, they were shite. The verse in the anniversary card summed up how he felt about me. It was a lovely verse and I still have the card.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 01/12/2016 09:30

If every year he writes something lovely and this year he didn't I think YANBU

That's what I though too, but no, he doesn't write the wordy cards, he buys them.

Cromwell1536 · 01/12/2016 09:40

SNorfle. Count yourself lucky that he's over those horrible naff big cards with 'poems' in them. Never seen a Moonpig card, but if someone sent me an uploaded, web-generated card with their photo on it, I'd throw it straight in the bin. You might think this snobbish and mean. I don't care. But it's a bit pants getting a rubbish card, whatever your definition of rubbish is.

If it's any comfort OP, my husband sent me a silly jokey card, of the kind that you would send a colleague, for a really BIG birthday as well. Of course, he was supposed to send a 'tasteful', high brow card of the sort he knows I like (the kind of thing you could conceivably frame and put up on the wall), blank for your own message, in which he would go on about how lucky he was to be married to me. I just said, "Oh. A jokey card." It was also on the back of making a panic booking at a really expensive restaurant, and inviting the wrong guests, resulting in a crap evening. Because he hadn't thought about it, but had thrown money at it, last minute. So it was a bit crap all round. ANyway....I showed him a much better time when his birthday came along three weeks later. Booked a family night away in a lovely hotel in a part of country we love, great dinner, gorgeous walk the following day - the sun even shone...This year, he got my birthday totally right.

He's a fab bloke, just sometimes he's got a bit of a tin ear, emotionally. Show your chap the way and see how he responds next birthday!

MaryMcCarthy · 01/12/2016 10:48

What an absolutely ridiculous thing to get upset about.

Soubriquet · 01/12/2016 10:58

Never seen a Moonpig card, but if someone sent me an uploaded, web-generated card with their photo on it, I'd throw it straight in the bin.

You don't put your own photo on the card. You put the birthday persons photo on it.

Happybunny19 · 01/12/2016 11:00

Wow this seems like a massive pmt induced over-reaction, yabu.

I haven't received a valentines or birthday card from dp for approx 10 years (together 22). He always gets me thoughtful gifts and makes me feel loved every day though and that matters more than some shitty card.

Do you feel loved and cherished generally? I think you need some perspective (I too have the dreaded hormonal fuck up atm, so this is said with caring, but ever so slightly raging sentiment) Grin

anon1900s · 01/12/2016 11:05

I think your being unreasonable.
He made the effort to go online, choose and write in a card and order it.

Was it personalised / have photos on it etc?

I like moonpig style cards as the ones in the shop don't often have written in them what I want to say, add photos etc.

My DH usually gets one at the last minute, sometimes even on the morning of my birthday from wherever is open!

Cromwell1536 · 01/12/2016 11:18

Even worse, Soubriquet! Can't think of anything I want less than my mug on a birthday card. Each to their own, though.

Soubriquet · 01/12/2016 11:24

That's fair enough cromwell

I've found children LOVE seeing their faces on their own cards and my dh loved the Father's Day cards I did with him cuddled up to the child on each card.

ElphabaTheGreen · 01/12/2016 11:28

Cromwell It depends on the card, though. For Father's Day cards, I plaster on pictures of our DSs on Moonpig, then get our boys to put handprints in them. DH absolutely loves them (but has never taken the hint that maybe I'd like the same effort and consideration shown on Mother's Day...Hmm). When DS1 finished nursery, I put a picture of him on the day he started nursery next to his nursery 'graduation' photo onto a Moonpig thank you card for his nursery nurses. Again, they've kept it, because of the extra consideration required and it's a lovely card.

Totally perplexed by people who still think Moonpig is the lazy option. Going to a 24 hour Tesco/ASDA is a lot simpler.

BravoPanda · 01/12/2016 11:29

After years of shoddy cornershop cards from DH I finally told him a few years ago that I wanted nice, thoughtful cards. Otherwise what was the point? I'd rather have had none. He genuinely had no idea what I meant so I had to drag him around Utility and even Asda/Tesco/M&S to show him. He was amazed. He didn't even realise they sold nice cards like the ones I meant and wondered where I'd always bought his. He got really in to it. Buys me a lovely one that I can keep as a memory every year now :)

5moreminutes · 01/12/2016 13:43

You can put any photo on the card - photo of their beloved dog/ cat, favourite place in the world... Or search the non photo cards for one that exactly suits them and edit the text on the front and write your own inside. It isn't compulsory to put someone's face on a Moonpig (or Funky Pidgin, or there are probably others) card Cromwell

Cats1 that is insane. You bought your mother a flat and she's "devastated and distraught" the card was too generic? Shock Confused Is the flat in her name? Does she understand that you have bought it for her? Sounds as if her cognitive ability needs assessment!

5moreminutes · 01/12/2016 13:47

Mind you in all honesty I put most cards in the recycling bin after the they've knocked about for a day or two - no idea how Hallmark et all pulled such a number on us - most nationalities don't do the card thing to anything like the extent English speaking counties do, it's actually quite mad...

The only ones I keep are handmade by kids or with special photos or with something special hand written in them.

Original poster
Laiste · 01/12/2016 13:47

The big 4 pagers he usually buys also had his own words in them. Just for context.

I know big fat zero about how moon pig works. (gradually learning here though!) For those who've asked - this card is about 5'' square, with To a wonderful wife at the top. A bear fast asleep in bed on it, and then my name under the bed. No pre printed words inside.

Thank you princess.

cats - the present is another issue. I'm not going to talk about it here though because i don't want to be told i'm being ridiculous anymore. He fucked up out of a bit of carelessness, but meant well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Laiste · 01/12/2016 13:49

5moreminutes - ''... Or search the non photo cards for one that exactly suits them''

I'm not in bed all the time! Great xpost there Grin

OP posts:
5moreminutes · 01/12/2016 13:52

:o

Paddington68 · 01/12/2016 13:55

You received a card. He wrote in it.
This man says Mission Accomplished.

ElphabaTheGreen · 01/12/2016 14:01

Yep - he custom-ordered that OP. Definitely more effort than shop-bought.

Potatoooooo · 01/12/2016 14:04

So you're upset because he didn't put in as much effort as you? A card is meant to be an acknowledgment that it's a birthday an occasion etc. Not a chance to write a love poem in.
I think you're expecting more out of him and getting upset because he didn't do that. It doesn't change how he feels about you.

EveOnline2016 · 01/12/2016 14:09

I always do moon pig cards.

It takes a lot of effort on my part because every word in the card is what I have written myself.
My hand writing is terrible so at least people can understand the type text.

Original poster
Laiste · 01/12/2016 14:14

A card is meant to be an acknowledgment that it's a birthday an occasion etc. Not a chance to write a love poem in.

But he's used the last 9 years' birthdays as a chance to write a love poem in a massive card. Not this one. That's the point. The change. Anyway. It's all done now.

OP posts:
Baylisiana · 01/12/2016 14:23

I think he was just trying out Moonpig and didn't really know what he would get. I would not fixate on the card. You indicate there are other things going on and that plus hormones probably made you so upset, the card was just some kind of trigger. Try to forget it. I do think a bear in bed asleep sounds pretty cute though.

Baylisiana · 01/12/2016 14:30

Also OP, when I think about times I have suddenly done a bit less than usual in the way of birthday extras, it has never once been a reflection on the relationship. It has always just been me being disorganised, distracted, stressed or busy/broke etc.