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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not bother starting this job?

296 replies

harveyyspecter · 28/11/2016 23:19

Got a part time job after being a sahm for the last 2 years. I'm due to start next week and therefore dd will be starting nursery.

The problem is that one of the contracted shifts is on an evening and I can't get childcare for dd. I didn't realise dd's dad wouldn't be able to take care of her when I had the interview.

Wibu to just not bother with the job or should I start and ask them to swap shifts which will make me look like a flake straight away..

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 28/11/2016 23:26

Call them and tell them the issue and ask if it can be accommodated, otherwise you will have to rescind your acceptance.

LikeBigBotsAndICannotLie · 28/11/2016 23:31

I would just be truthful with them and advise you were under the impression you had childcare in place for one of the shifts, see if there is any scope for change. If there isn't, I would thank them for the offer but politely decline the position.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/11/2016 23:33

Babysitter?

Original poster
harveyyspecter · 28/11/2016 23:36

I can't get a babysitter unfortunately.

OP posts:
mirokarikovo · 28/11/2016 23:47

Well you are coming across as someone who never actually wanted to start work and is delighted to have a reason not to have to, so any possible suggestion we make for how you might manage it will be shot down. Not sure why you posted in AIBU as clearly you will only accept a resounding YANBU.

YABU. There will be any number of ways to make it work which you are going to choose not to pursue.

WestCoastMainline · 28/11/2016 23:49

Agreed miro

Pluto30 · 28/11/2016 23:56

Why "can't" you get a babysitter?

DixieWishbone · 28/11/2016 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WouldHave · 29/11/2016 00:00

Why can't you get a babysitter? There are normally plenty of reliable sitters around who would be delighted to get a regular evening's work.

Original poster
harveyyspecter · 29/11/2016 00:01

miro how on earth did you get that from what I posted? Of course I want to work otherwise I wouldn't have applied for the job Confused I'm actually gutted about the situation which is the reason that I'm taking the time to post on a forum about it..

I can't get a babysitter who will look after dd until 11 at night.. it's too late for everyone I've asked and I'm not comfortable leaving dd with a stranger.

OP posts:
Graphista · 29/11/2016 00:04

You also need the job for your housing situation. Why can't you get a babysitter?

TheCursedOne · 29/11/2016 00:05

NBU at all. Not having the childcare is quite a good enough reason. At 2 years old, I would only be leaving my DC in a nursery or with a registered childminder, outside of family/close friends, and they obviously don't operate in the eves so you are stuck.

I should imagine that they need someone to cover the evening and would rather employ someone who can cover it but you have nothing to lose by asking them if they can change your shift. You never know.

Why can't her Dad have her? Surely he should be supporting you in getting back into work?

SuperFlyHigh · 29/11/2016 00:05

That's ridiculous! I babysat until 11pm at night and I know of 3 local babysitters who cover til that time in my area alone.

Your excuses are very transparent.

mirokarikovo · 29/11/2016 00:07

Just from your generally defeatist tone which shuts down anything anyone says other than "of course you are right".

So what changed since the interview day when you believed DH would be covering one shift a week? What is so sacred about his commitments that there isn't a single evening he can cover?

Original poster
harveyyspecter · 29/11/2016 00:08

Like I said, I'm not comfortable letting a stranger look after her. It would have to be close family or friends and none of them can do it. Would people here seriously leave their 2 year olds with someone who wasn't a registered childminder?

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 29/11/2016 00:08

Cursedone- OP's ex DP is an arsepiece who makes things hard for her.

OP, could you have a word with the nursery and see if they can recommend somebody who does babysitting, or post on one of the local buy and sell pages- you might get a friend of a friend type or somebody recommended by somebody that you know.

Also there is time for a trial run between meeting them and you starting work. It's not ideal, but don't make things harder for yourself than they have to be.

Pipsqueak11 · 29/11/2016 00:10

11pm kind of normal time for baby sitter isn't it? I think you should give it a,try

InTheKitchenAtParties · 29/11/2016 00:10

Reciprocal childcare? If you know any other mums it might be worth considering a sleepover arrangement. Obviously if you can find someone willing and trust worthy.

FameNameGameLame · 29/11/2016 00:14

OP ywbu if you don't try to make it work (e.g. ask for shift change) but YANBU to not want to leave 2yo dc with anyone accept close friends or family until 11pm.

What's for you won't get past you. If this isn't your moment something will come soon.

Good luck.

Original poster
harveyyspecter · 29/11/2016 00:14

Believe me I've explored every option and haven't been able to find anyone to take care of her. I suffer with terrible anxiety (medicated and receiving CBT) and leaving her with a babysitter who I didn't know would make me ill.

OP posts:
WouldHave · 29/11/2016 00:14

Have you tried asking people like registered childminders or nursery workers? They might just be prepared to do this. Or perhaps an agency? That way you know people have been vetted. As for leaving your child with a stranger, if you interview them first and get references, they won't be a stranger.

MatildaTheCat · 29/11/2016 00:16

Try to think of solutions rather than reasons it can't work. For example, if dd is starting at nursery there might well be a carer there who would be willing to babysit on a regular basis. This would entail having clear boundaries re reliability etc since you will be working, not socialising.

Speak to your employers and tell them you would love to take the job but need to find evening childcare so would they possibly accommodate you for a few weeks while you sort this out.

Why can't her dad help? Is it s genuine reason?

There are always solutions to problems. Finding childcare for shift work is a bit of a nightmare,my didnt for years but it can be done.

Good luck.

WouldHave · 29/11/2016 00:16

I suspect you don't know everyone who works at the nursery yet you're OK to leave your child with them. Try thinking of the evening arrangement the same way.

Original poster
harveyyspecter · 29/11/2016 00:16

Being vetted and having references is one thing for people who work in nurseries etc but for someone who will be left alone with dd until late at night I'm afraid it means nothing to me. I just can't put my trust in someone even if they are innocent and well meaning.

OP posts:
TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 29/11/2016 00:18

I think your anxiety is shutting you down a bit OP. There's no way on earth that there's nobody out there that you can access. If you're drawing a blank call your health visitor and see if they can put you in touch with somebody suitable.

You know that jobs are not so easy to come by at the moment and your tenancy is dependent on this. Something has to give somewhere.

I'm agog at the total lack of any help from any family though. Given how desperate you are.

Playgroup mums, nursery mums etc - speak to them and ask for recommendations. You never know, somebody might be looking for a bit of extra ££ pre-xmas and be able to help you out. You won't know them inside out- but if they're willing to help you then they're better than the people that you do know who are no help at all.

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