To not bother starting this job?

[harveyyspecter]

Got a part time job after being a sahm for the last 2 years. I'm due to start next week and therefore dd will be starting nursery.

The problem is that one of the contracted shifts is on an evening and I can't get childcare for dd. I didn't realise dd's dad wouldn't be able to take care of her when I had the interview.

Wibu to just not bother with the job or should I start and ask them to swap shifts which will make me look like a flake straight away..

Some child minders do evenings, and even overnights. Keep looking, but in the meantime, be honest with the new employees as they may have a solution.

Her dad won't help because he's an arse - Long story short.

Leaving dd in a nursery where there are lots of people and other children around is very different to having someone in my home completely alone (or not) with dd.

Ask relatives to take your little one in their home until 11?
Not ideal but small children are often deep sleepers.
I used to pick DS up from the childminder at 10pm three nights a week from the age of 3 months.

My previous (registered) childminder looked after another little girl overnights as her mum was a nurse. There are childminder who will do outside of normal hours care.

However my first action would be to contact new employer tomorrow morning and explain that you have been let down with childcare for that shift and ask if there is an alternative shift you can do. I would really try.

I've never left any of mine with strangers outside of a formal childcare setting either.

I can't see how having that rule makes you a shirker. If anything it makes your own life harder.

But do speak to them about the problem that you're having. There might be leeway.

But if they say there is no alternative do not turn down the job! Tell them you will do your very best to arrange something else. They may be inclined to be more flexible if they see you really are trying to sort it.

I think your anxiety is shutting you down a bit OP. There's no way on earth that there's nobody out there that you can access. If you're drawing a blank call your health visitor and see if they can put you in touch with somebody suitable.

Oh FGS. Only 'anxious' parents demure from leaving their small children with complete strangers?!

I've heard it all now

carol that's just plain fucking nasty.

She has a very small child indeed, an arsewipe of an ex and has gone from considering job hunting to concrete offer in record time.

She's certainly not asking you for anything.

Manumission it appears we're in the minority here. It makes me wonder whether these people suggesting it have actually ever left their own children with strangers or whether it's just easy for them to tell me to do it?

OP I think you're doing brilliantly and are obviously highly employable to have got an offer so quickly.

Can you remind us how old DD is exactly? I remember she is small.

I agree with asking if you can leave your daughter at a friend's/family members house (she can be in PJs and sleeping just carry her to car and get her home) until you find someone you feel you can trust to babysit in your home. Many child carers are happy to make extra cash with evening work I used to. And I'm afraid yes many of us have used babysitters at that age.

carol rest assured that if this job doesn't work out I will be immediately applying for more that can work out. My 'anxiety' is very fucking real so please don't insinuate that I'm using it as an excuse.

Fuck knows harvey. It's one of those weird MN things I think like magic chickens and 6 week maternity leaves 🙄

But I know I'd never have done it.

She's just turned 2.

And the op isn't just rejecting strangers (which would be understandable) but professional childcarers with background checks and qualifications that both she and her child know.

OP I'm only vaguely aware of your back story. Your tenancy is dependent on your job, I think?? What would the consequences be for you if you didn't take it?

Transitioning back into work after having a child can be a really anxious time and sometimes we cling onto reasons not to do it or look for obstacles because it means change and that is uncomfortable. Your anxiety about leaving her with someone who is qualified and police checked but unknown to you is understandable but the odds of them harming your DD are very tiny. People up and down the county have to make compromises in order to go to work. They compromises on pay, commute, flexibility, childcare all in order to support themselves and their families. There is no perfect job. Every job will require compromise. It sounds like you've been really lucky to be offered a job you can do with only one shift you need extra childcare for. If you turn this job down I wouldn't be holding my breath for the next job offered to be any easier to fit childcare around. So in your shoes? I'd grab this one with both hands and cling onto it. Get a a childminder/nursery staff for the extra childcare and just get stuck into the job until it's 6 months down the line and you're wondering what the hell you were worrying about

My housing situation is sorted. The landlord is satisfied with my guarantor and knows I'm sorting out employment so she's happy to accept my application.

I think you should tell them your dilemma. They may try and make it work for you.

Good luck!

To answer questions about "would I do it?"

DS1 started nursery at 5 months old with 'Strangers', he then started a new one at 18 months old with more strangers. Then nursery school with yet again more strangers. I also had local teenage babysitters throughout this time.

DS2 started with a 'stranger' childminder aged 9 months old in childminder's own home, alone. Then nursery achool aged 3 with different strangers and again local teens to babysit.

I also babysat as a teen for strange children and I killed none of them

JenLindley has given you some excellent advice there.

Op how are you surviving at the moment and will 2days/wk keep you in food and shelter?

I'm a single parent and work full time and even then struggle to get by.

Jen I know it might seem crazy to you that I'm so terrified of 'strangers' looking after my dd but how I am now is a huge improvement on how ill I was when she was first born. I wouldn't trust family members to leave the room with her in case they hurt her and suffered massively with PND. I'm doing much better but this situation is really difficult for me. I'm really torn and don't know what to do for the best.

No it doesn't seem crazy at all, I actually totally get it. I suffer from anxiety (but not about giving my children away funnily enough ) i do understand why this is very difficult, but I also understand why it is so important that you should overcome it. Otherwise you are stuck. If you accept that this is your stance and you are sticking with it then you are massively limiting your job options. Its self sabotage. If you need to, get some counselling to work yourself through the decision but do it. You will thank yourself a million times throughout your life for doing it.