To not bother starting this job?

[harveyyspecter]

Got a part time job after being a sahm for the last 2 years. I'm due to start next week and therefore dd will be starting nursery.

The problem is that one of the contracted shifts is on an evening and I can't get childcare for dd. I didn't realise dd's dad wouldn't be able to take care of her when I had the interview.

Wibu to just not bother with the job or should I start and ask them to swap shifts which will make me look like a flake straight away..

Hi OP. Have you tried a childcare agency? There's one my hometown that everyone raves about, and they're known for providing flexible childcare (nannies, babysitters, etc) to those who need it (think it's called Care Necessities, not sure if they're a chain) … obviously the workers would be fully vetted, so worth a shot.

Well done for getting the shifts swooped Sainsburys are very good your a lot stronger than you think a big well done

if I could realise that my anxiety is causing anxious responses rather than rational ones then I wouldn't have anxiety and I would be cured.

That's not true.

Anxiety is not cured by recognising how it affects you.

Massive well done on your job Harvey. So glad it all worked out. I've been in your position & it's heartbreaking leaving your little one. Never in a million years would I have a stranger babysitting my child either. Once your settled in your job your confidence will grow & everything will fall into place. Ignore all the negativity.

The "stranger" babysitting was never a reality.

Nobody leaves their children with strangers.

5 weeks is certainly enough time to arrange non-stranger evening childcare.

The "stranger" looking after the child was part of the anxiety response.

It was never going to happen and worrying about it was pointless displacement of the anxiety around starting the job.

Doin Have you ever suffered from anxiety? I mean, clinical anxiety that is a diagnosable mental illness?

One of the toughest things is having to
Negotiate your work times with your new employer! I had to do it this year and things worked out brilliantly in the end. You just need confidence and determination to get what you want. Glad it worked out in the end.

Doin you clearly have no idea what you're talking about with regards to anxiety.

Op well done for sorting this. I wouldn't have left my children alone with strangers either. My children went to a childminder who I had known for years. Inviting a babysitter into your home to settle your small child and put her to bed is completely different. I am amazed that posters cannot see this. I work shifts (including Christmas day) so am certainly not work shy, but wouldn't have taken the job as set out in your op. Good luck with everything

It's astonishing that people can make money babysitting when so many people think using babysitters is dangerous neglect.

Perhaps we should get SS involved when people take this terrible risk?

Some of the replies on this thread are fucking horrible. As for there are plenty of babysitters available until 11 at night, really. Maybe in large cities but certainly not where i live. nursery spaces/8-6 childminding places are rare and there is a waiting list. Childminding outwith regular hours non existent. And no one i know would leave their child alone with an unknown babysitter outside a nursery setting.op i suggest your ring your employer and explain the situation re childcare at night and see if they can offer any flexibility.

Doin, I use babysitters. But they are close family members/friend who I trust. I would never leave my child alone with someone outwith a nursery/childminding setting who i didnt know and didnt implicitly trust. Im not judging others who do, clearly if it works for them thats their decision. But its not something I would do, nor expect others to do to the detriment of their well being.

It's astonishing that people can make money babysitting when so many people think using babysitters is dangerous neglect

Could you please show where you got the quote 'dangerous neglect' from? Perhaps I missed it. I certainly didn't describe it as that but there is no chance of me leaving a small child with a stranger, it really is that simple. That does not mean I am judging your choices. Just as you and others on here shouldn't judge op's choices (or mine).

My children went to a childminder who I had known for years. Inviting a babysitter into your home to settle your small child and put her to bed is completely different. I am amazed that posters cannot see this

When you first sent your children to the childminder, she was a stranger too. And then you got to know her. Which oddly enough is exactly what would happen with a babysitter.
I'm amazed anyone is so stupid they can't see that.

I would never leave my child alone with someone outwith a nursery/childminding setting who i didnt know and didnt implicitly trust

You implicitly trust a total stranger because its the daytime and they work in a nursery, but one who would come to your house is somehow a horrifying thought?

Where is the logic here? Strangers in the daytime good, strangers in the evening evil.

Ah user, you're back, have you found the posts where I "slagged the shit" out of everyone else?

ask at the nursery - often nursery staff will also do babysitting (that's where we found our baby sitter from) presumably you are happy to leave your DD there?

Will somebody babysit for a couple of weeks while you sort this out?

There are always solutions, it sound to me like you have cold feet re your new job.

RTFT Hestheone 🙄

So you will leave your child with the people statistically most likely to abuse them, but not trained and vetted childcare providers?

O K

Doin you're like a rabid dog with a bone

And you've consistently made things up throughout.

It's all sorted now. You can relax

Lol you can't even do the passive part of passive aggressive.

Lol

Doin you've been waaaay too invested in this dude, even when op came back and said it was sorted

I think you need to lay down in a dark room and chill the fuck out

at fizz

I am sorry, I haven't read the thread (too long!), but I have paid for evening childcare from "strangers". I just turned them into "not-strangers" first by booking them for several sessions when I didn't actually leave, but we played board-games or whatever, together with the children.

Yes, it is an added expense, but sometimes it is worth it to not lose out on a job or opportunity.

I used www.sitters.co.uk and all their sitters are qualified and vetted anyway. The two I ended up using both worked in schools and once I'd met them a couple of times, I was extremely confident leaving them with my children. My kids adored them.

I would class myself as on the nervous end of childcare booking. For example, I booked a bigger room and a babysitter to stay in a hotel room when we had an important meal far from home. I was not prepared to have the children stay at home and be so far from me with even one of my familiar babysitters. (that one was a stranger, but we were only downstairs, and the children were a lot older by then). Everyone else at the table had left their kids at various places in Europe and thought I was mad!