To not bother starting this job?

[harveyyspecter]

Got a part time job after being a sahm for the last 2 years. I'm due to start next week and therefore dd will be starting nursery.

The problem is that one of the contracted shifts is on an evening and I can't get childcare for dd. I didn't realise dd's dad wouldn't be able to take care of her when I had the interview.

Wibu to just not bother with the job or should I start and ask them to swap shifts which will make me look like a flake straight away..

I wouldn't have left my two-year old with a stranger either.

Yes, all those of us who left our toddlers with "strangers" don't love our children at all.

Really all parents should give up work until their children reach adulthood.

It's the only way.

Although admittedly I'm the kind of maniac who drops their knickers for a stranger without thought.

Also lets strangers feel my breasts.

Sadly nobody in my family is close enough to do my smear test and mammogram for me.

My friends who do or use the babysitting websites (sitters.com?) are either supply teachers who need extra cash or nursery nurses who want extra cash. My friends who use sitters either know someone locally (one found a nice mum who wanted extra cash by putting a card in the library) or use a babysitting website or through the school. Ask at your local school if they know a childminder who wants extra evening work.

All these sitters are vetted by the sites, they want first aid certificates etc to ensure they're safe to babysit.

It's quite good too, to have another option if your family etc cannot help out one time for whatever reason.

The CBT can help with this, sorry you have anxiety over this and other issues but it seems you need to work!

there are tons of agency babysitters that are vetted and trained

'I suspect you took the job to fool the landlord into believing you were in employment so that you got round the HB rules and now it's a done deal you don't need the job. '

And then said she had a guarantor, which makes having a job a moot point, surely, as it will be the guarantor who undergoes all the checks.

Rather than saying you won't leave her with a babysitter why don't you think about it as a nanny who works evenings. Advertise as such, many nannies also babysit so look at this route. Personally I would far rather use a nanny or babysitter than a nursery, someone I interview and choose. However bad your anxiety I think you need to consider this more broadly than just a blanket "I don't do babysitters". Rephrase it as "I don't do random babysitters but I would do a CTB checked childcare professional with good references who will babysit for me on a weekly basis"

I think quite a lot of the post's are absolutely BLOODY MENTAL !!

Leaving their 'tiny babies' 3 mths/5mths with strangers/10pm??. Maternity leave...It's a legal requirement by law, to give Mother's time to bond with their children. I presume some have never heard of it..
We all have bills to pay.

Where has anybody got from reading the OP's post, she is a shirker/excuse maker?

I wouldn't leave my 2 yr old with somebody I don't know, very surprised how anybody would?

It seems some MN's are more than happy, leaving their babies with strangers? I just don't get it. Not at all. Why are these people having babies?

And yes I did use random babysitters, I don't know anyone who didn't, it's the norm here, parents might help out adhoc but everyone uses babysitters. I've used Sitters, the agency since my eldest was a baby, without exception the sitters are fab, all either nannies or TA's in their day jobs. Our 2 favourites have been sitting for us for over 12 years, the kids have got to know and love them and it has been a really positive experience

We don't leave them with randoms, we leave them with properly vetted babysitters, people who have been interviewed and checked. When I said random above I didn't mean anyone off the street. I fail to see how interviewing someone, checking their references, letting them meet your child checking their CRB and arranging any other background checks is any different to employing a nanny when you go back to work which many people do

It seems some MN's are more than happy, leaving their babies with strangers? I just don't get it. Not at all. Why are these people having babies?

They are having babies because they are functional adults who understand that outsourcing childcare is both safe and desirable for people who want to earn a living.

Have you come from a workless future?

Because I don't think there is any period in history when children were not ever looked after by people who weren't their parents.

Falsely characterised as "strangers" by people who want an excuse not to work.

I think some people on this thread need to have a nice cup of tea, a sit down and a read of this thread.... ;-)

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2792150-Fuming-raging-heartbroken?pg=3

I think the point some people have been trying to make is this...

Some people just aren't comfortable leaving their child in a home setting with someone they don't know, regardless of whether they're called a babysitter, a nanny whatever, to me personally this feels very different to a nursery school setting I am not saying people are wrong to do this if they wish I am simply saying it is my personal choice not too because it feels odd

I'm a single mum who works full time I am not Saying people shouldn't work if they can! I knew a nanny type scenario was not what I wanted so I spent time and effort getting a job that enables me to work full time and have my child in a nursery (child is now at school)

This was right for me, for others it wouldn't be, and that's ok too, but OP certainly shouldn't be attacked because she is uncomfortable with something when in all likelihood if explain correctly she could amend her shifts slightly and everyone would be happy!

Because I don't think there is any period in history when children were not ever looked after by people who weren't their parents.

Falsely characterised as "strangers" by people who want an excuse not to work.

Don't be daft Doin.

My eldest is 20. Working has never been an issue because there are things called nurseries and after school clubs. You do a series of settling in visits if your child isn't wildly gregarious. They get used to the staff. There are several staff who have oversight of each other. There are policies and insurance and other children and interesting toys.

Childminders are different. Your child doesn't know them. There's no formal structure or oversight. They just turn up and you're supposed to leave your child with this person they've never met before and trot off for the night. It's a TERRIBLE message to give a child about trust, strangers and boundaries.

And what it all has to do with shirking and excuses not to work, I have literally no idea. The way some posters are discussing this, you'd think evening work was an inalienable part of UK work culture. It isn't.

Not childminders- Babysitters; Babysitters are different...

Blue all babysitters childminders and nannies are strangers at first. The OP has gone ahead and committed to a house on the strength of a job she didn't have, and now in a blind panic she's agreed to accept a job on the strength of childcare she doesn't have either. How can this possibly resolve itself (without resorting to employing 'strangers' or just asking her dad to stay over one night a week as a temporary measure, both of which she is reluctant to consider) before someone decides she's a lying unreliable flake?

This is about much more than just whether or not she should trust a stranger to babysit.

OP I can see that you want to do your best for DD but you are approaching everything arse about face at the moment and getting stressed because you can't hold it all together. Is it absolutely essential that you leave your current home by Christmas or is there any chance of a couple of months extension from your existing LL? You could use that time to plan and research childcare in advance and then look for a job with more suitable hours.

Or I really do think that in a company as big as Sainsburys if you are honest with them they will try to accommodate your needs or agree to postpone your start date until next time they recruit for that branch. Let the other house go. You know it makes sense. No good can come of putting yourself under this much pressure - you are not a magician and it will come back to bite you if you take the house or start the job on the basis of false information.

Some people just aren't comfortable leaving their child in a home setting with someone they don't know, regardless of whether they're called a babysitter, a nanny whatever, to me personally this feels very different to a nursery school setting

Exactly. It IS different.
It's experientially different for the child.
And the risk profile is different.

Someone who was genuinely intending to take a job wouldn't have showed up for the interview without having ascertained whether they could have childcare that met their (conveniently inflexible) standards for the shifts that were on offer.

They also wouldn't even consider not taking in job rather than checking if there was any flexibility over the shifts worked.

This kind of excuse making is how people who don't want to work justify to themselves that they can't work.

"Childminders are different. Your child doesn't know them. There's no formal structure or oversight. They just turn up and you're supposed to leave your child with this person they've never met before and trot off for the night. It's a TERRIBLE message to give a child about trust, strangers and boundaries."

You appear to be talking again about 'random strangers grabbed off the street", not qualified, registered childminders, who do indeed have a lot of formal structure and oversight - as much training, if not more, than 17 year olds recruited in nurseries. Reputable childminders would have defined settling in processes - children aren't just thrown at them whilst the parent makes a break for it. Settling in at a childminder will be no different to settling in at a nursery.

And childminders will also have "policies and insurance and other children and interesting toys"!!

There is a world of difference between getting a total random stranger from gumtree to come and sit in your house for 6 hours in the evening to babysitter and getting using a registered childminder/babysitter from an approved agency with DBS etc who you settle your child in with first. No-one here is suggesting the former, of course they aren't, but many of us are perfectly happy with the latter.

The risk profile for being homeless is a bit higher than using a babysitter.

cross post there Manumission!

patricia Exactly

Oh do try to behave yourself Doin.

In those types of (shift-based) jobs, shifts often aren't assigned until after a successful interview.

Yes, it's probably anxiety that's making it hard for her to ring them and ask for a shift-change as a new starter. So she posted in panic.

That doesn't make her a shirker. It makes her flustered.

It doesn't make informal babysitters the answer, either.

NP Patricia

sounds to me like you are not ready to go back to work. That's fair enough but perhaps you should be more honest with yourself. If you really wanted the job, you would find a way.. perhaps call in favour with a friend for a few weeks while looking for a childminder willing to do evenings. It's ok to not feel ready to go back.