To not bother starting this job?

[harveyyspecter]

Got a part time job after being a sahm for the last 2 years. I'm due to start next week and therefore dd will be starting nursery.

The problem is that one of the contracted shifts is on an evening and I can't get childcare for dd. I didn't realise dd's dad wouldn't be able to take care of her when I had the interview.

Wibu to just not bother with the job or should I start and ask them to swap shifts which will make me look like a flake straight away..

Pimmmms that's fair enough and I agree to an extent, but people are entitled to make a decision on who these vetted but unknown people are, for example, for me, I would rather my child be in a nursery setting so found work to suit that schedule, my friend however baby sits for a couple who work outside of school hours and this suits them, neither of us are wrong but we're both certainly entitle to do what we're most comfortable with.

You are absolutely not unreasonable to ask them to change your shift if possible. And if they can't then you'll find something else.

I wouldn't like to leave my children with some random in the house till past 11 whether they were dbs checked or not and I bet most of the posters suggesting you do so wouldn't either.

I Hope your potential employers are able to offer something else, or that you find something else soon

If you need to, get some counselling to work yourself through the decision but do it. You will thank yourself a million times throughout your life for doing it.

Jen, OP has said upthread that she is having CBT for her anxiety and medication as well, so has taken steps.

Sheldon why would OP post here if her intention was to dupe her LL?

If you can't find someone you trust to leave your dd with when you work evenings then you can't take a job where you might have to work evenings. Simple.

If this evening shift is a one-off then all means try to rearrange it, but if requests t work evenings are going to be a regular thing then you are going to have this stress over and over again.

I would tell them and see what they say. I wouldn't leave a 2 year old with a babysitter every week either.

Also bloody big well done for sorting out the housing and getting a job so fast, even if it doesn't workout.

You've totally got this.

Are you the OP who lied to get a house?

If you are then you need to find a solution and quick, your housing situation hinges on whether you have a job or not. I understand that you don't want to leave your child with a stranger but if it's a toss between that or losing a house I know what I'd do, speak to work to see if they can change your shift or something first.

Leaving toddlers with vetted and experienced childcare providers is what parents who want to work for a living do.

The poster who said you were making excuses not to work was spot on.

You have accepted a job under false pretences (you had no childcare arranged for a shift you knew you would be expected to do) and you aren't even planning to see if your shift pattern can be changed.

Your new employer will think you are a flake, because you are behaving like one. I hope you live in a very big town or city, because people talk about this kind of flakiness.

Can I just say, as a registered childminder we are one of the most scrutinised types of childcare in the country. We have to inform OFSTED of all aspects of our lives ( including for me a 30 minute interview last year with a bloke about my op to have an ovary removed) , in general we're a pretty safe bet.

You're the one that lied to get the house aren't you? If so you don't have much choice. There will be agencies of qualified professionals who will babysit. They're just going to be more expensive than your average sitter.

In many roles, the evening shifts are in demand as they enable parents to avoid childcare fees. It might be easier to swap the evening shift than it first appears, basically. You need to approach your new employer to see if this is an option.

Harvey - is I understand how you feel. I also suffered dreadful anxiety after a difficult start with my DD. I'm not sure my view is the norm, but I couldn't leave DD (2) with someone we didn't know. Also as she wouldn't know them and would be very upset.
It found it very hard her going to nursery when I started work, the panic of not being able to see her at all times.
Sorry I don't have more helpful advice, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone!

As others have said, nursery workers are often prepared to baby sit in the evenings. DS's baby sitter for a long time was his key worker at nursery, who he loved.

When he started at nursery, she was a stranger to him and us, though - but he quickly developed a real bond with her. Strangers aren't strangers for ever, so I'm not sure I understand the argument about not wanting to leave your child with a stranger - once you have found a baby sitter that you trust, you will quickly build up a relationship with them and they won't be a stranger any more.

Those people who are posting about not wanting to leave their child with some randomer - who is suggesting that the OP does? No-one's saying just drag in a passer by from the street, a different one each week.

I'm really confused now.you said on your other thread that you made a mistake about it being an evening shift and it was actually 7-11 AM not pm.

That was a week ago. And now you've been offered to job you are fretting about working 7 - 11 PM.

Seems we are both confused.

Quite honestly given your anxiety levels and the fact that you say you have very little childcare support I think the best thing to do would be to back out of taking this house you've got lined up and look for something where you don't have to lie to get it and then find any old job in a hurry.

Look for a different house where HB and income support are not a problem then find a more suitable job in the new year.

O accept the Sainsburys job but ask them if they would either allow you to skip the awkward shifts until you've found reliable childcare, or to delay your start date until the new year.

At the moment you've got yourself into a right pickle with going ahead and committing to things that you are just not in a position to commit to. No wonder you are anxious.

Haven't RTFT as am rushing out - but just wanted to suggest that a lot of nursery workers will baby sit in the evenings. We put DD into nursery for a morning every week and she loved it - adored her key worker, who has then become our baby sitter.

If working at a reputable /nice nursery they are obviously very experienced, fully checked and often with a first aid certificate.

Would that be an option, OP?

Actually landing a job is an achievement.

If I were in your position I would contact your employers and explain that you are having difficulties finding childcare for that later shift. Ask if it's possible to swap that shift for the time being until you can get it all in place.

In the meantime try and find someone to babysit. A nursery worker will perhaps be glad of an extra shift inthe comfort of someone's home. Or as mentioned upthread a nanny looking for more hours. At some point you will have to trust someone to care for your DD.

I had to entrust my DS to various childminders,nursery staff and childminders. I went with my gut and all turned out fine. I couldn't NOT go to work as had a mortgage to pay - plus I didn't want to teach my son that NOT working is an option.

Just talk to your employers. It will either be fine or it won't.

What SlottedSpoon said - have just read your other thread for context and on there you say the shift is 7 am to 11 am

Have you double double checked your shifts? am or pm?

There is no harm in going back to them and asking very politely if you can change.

If not, then you will need to make a decision. Plenty of people leave small children with childminders - we left ours from about 6 months to go out in the evening - but your anxiety on that isn't going to be conquered in a week.

I suspect you took the job to fool the landlord into believing you were in employment so that you got round the HB rules and now it's a done deal you don't need the job.

Exactly what I was thinking, and posting here in the hope that there's a bunch of people that support her behaviour.

Some of you are such nasty little people (and those of you who fancy yourselves as detectives, get a fucking life, it's a thread on a message board, not a police interview ).

Could you ask if one of the nursery staff would look after DD? A lot of them will do evening/early morning childcare to earn some extra money. If you trust them to look after DD at nursery, surely they'll be okay to look after her at home too?

I really sympathise with your anxiety, though. It's miserable - keep going with the CBT, if it's anything like mine, it'll turn your life around

As PPs have said, you can't give in to your anxiety, because otherwise it will take over your life.

You can't afford to be a SAHM (and to be honest I think it would be unhealthy for you and your child, given your anxiety). You need to go out and work. And this necessarily involves strangers taking care of your child at some point. A babysitter until 11 once a week is perfectly normal.