Pocket money for a 17 year old

[ScotsHumphreys]

DS is 17, he worked from the age of 13 up until recently when the newsagent finished him. He's not worked since but says he has been applying.

He's at college full time doing a-levels. Because of our income he doesn't get ANY financial help from college.

From us he gets £5 a week pocket money, a mobile phone contract (£30 a month) and a monthly bus card (£35 a month) as well as all his clothes etc bought for him.

Problem is, because he's only getting £5 a week in actual cash he never has any money and is constantly nattering for more. (Can I have £3 to get some lunch in town? Can I have £4 to get a coffee with Alice? Can I have £10 to take Gemma to the fireworks display?") it's constant.

DH says £5 a week is enough as we pay all the other stuff for him and it was his choice to go to college instead of getting a job. I say it's not fair because he doesn't get any financial help from anywhere else because of what WE earn.

He said his own kids never got loads of pocket money whilst at college so I pointed out that they got college bursaries and travel costs because their (single) mother is on benefits. Do they DO have access to money, unlike DS.

What is the solution here??? DS is pissed off because all his friends either gets college bursaries, benefits or generous allowances from parents. He gets neither.

'He can make sandwiches if he runs out of his allowance.'

, Navy! He needs a social life! You're so . . . controlling and mean, you probably have house rules and don't pay him to hoover his bedroom .

Good luck OP. Hope this plan works out better for him and for you.

'Contracts are just that you can't walk away from them.'

They're not forever, and you can sometimes negotiate on them if you try. Jobs are a lot harder to come by when you've got FT caring/childcare responsibilities, have to pay all your rent and bills and can't work ad hoc/temp/zero hours and still live. He just needs to work enough for a bit of money.

And yy, looks great on the CV, too.

OP, why did the newsagent 'finish' with him?

Great, OP. This gives him more flexibility in how he spends the money you are gifting to him. It will also incentivise him to look properly for a job. I would keep an eye on his activity in that sphere and perhaps I would do something sneaky like put some more cash aside for him if he was looking actively for a job, which I would give to him as a bonus or similar at the end of his first month in work.

Forget the bus pass as that's a cost like stationery for school.

If you can't afford to give him extra then I suggest you get him a cheaper contract and give him the difference in cash. A £20 phone contract plus £15 cash would probably suit him better.

I have a 15 year old. He walks to school, has phone obviously paid for him (an iPhone for less than £20pm) and he gets a tenner a week that covers socialising and random stuff like gum. He gets an extra tenner for half term. He spends every other weekend at his dads so tenner a week is plenty imo.
His friends who get large allowances often end up buying drugs rather than clothes etc (I know not all kids with large allowances do this but this is based on his friends.) this is why I buy his clothes rather than give it to him in cash and feel no guilt over his seemingly little allowance.

My DS used to cycle 5 miles to college in good weather, so that he could pocket the train fare. He took butties every day except Friday, when they all went out to the local great spoon for a full English.

Having a bit of autonomy to budget is really good for them, DS managed his money really well in uni.

Greasy spoon obviously

I think it would be great for him to look at finding a cheaper phone contract, given that money saved will go to him! What about giff gaff?

I would expect a 17 year old to get a job!

He's 17. He can get a job if he wants the cash. My ds has been working in Mcdonalds for 6 months and has just turned 17, he's also in college. Once he left school I said no to all the can I have this, can I have that because I just could not afford it anymore. He pays for everything himself now, phone, xbox live, clothes etc although I still buy him the odd thing as a treat, he pays me petrol to take him to work.

Even dd14 has a paper round.

£5 is very little.

40 years ago (yes 40!) I earned £6.50 a day as a Sat shop assistant.

blackhearts do you need the petrol money? I think it is great what your son is doing but I could never charge my kid who is still at college petrol money to get him to work unless I really couldn't afford the petrol.

I can't imagine charging children for petrol either, seems very mercenary. Nor clothes as until they are adults it's a parents job to feed, clothe and house a child.

Candlelight his in full time college,the boy doesn't need to try harder.

Your solution seems a good one and he has the option of saving money by some walking and change of phone contract and / or getting a job. Whilst there is a range of norms, how much you can afford has to come into it. We didn't have much money growing up so I had a Saturday job from 15 and walked to school and kept the bus fare. DS 16 now has an allowance and hardly any of his friends have part time jobs...... although they study hard and play sport for school / clubs at the weekend. It's a different world to the one I grew up in. I will insist he gets a summer holiday job though.....

Yes I do need the petrol money. Both dp and myself are on minimum wage ourselves. My son's job is 8 miles away and he works between 3 and 5 shifts a week sometimes at a drop of a hat. I can barely afford to get myself to work. He works at a drive through which is on a bypass, there is no public transport links. He offered this money and in fact wanted to pay more than 20 pounds a week but he gives me 10 a week. He earns 400 quid a month! Mcdonalds pay well above minimum wage for his age so he can well afford it. He also has adhd and asd, will only wear expensive designer clothes because everything else feels funny on his skin which I can I'll afford. I have 3 other younger children and I have to think of them as well..
Believe me his dad pushed him to get this job and I'm so proud of him for getting this far, he currently has 700 pounds saved for lessons and a car..which we are going halves with him for so don't tell ,e that I'm being tight and mercenary fgs. I am barely coping myself as it is. I have to get up at 5 am to take him to work 2 times a week and pick him up at 12 am on a late shift which he does 3 to 4 times a week after college, pick him up from college too. I'm sorry but my kids will stand on their own too feet from 17 onwards within reason, of course we buy food, gas, electric, he gets included in days out and I will buy him socks and under wear. I just can't afford to support him fully as I'd like, he chose to work in that particular fast food outlet, he had an offer of a job much closer but chose this one.

He's 17. Not a child. He's happy to be treated as such, and chuffed to bits he is earning a paying his way. He's a very difficult but lovely lovely lad and I've had so much going on with him over the years. I'm proud of him

Oh and the money we're going halves with him for..the car? I've paid a little amount each month into a saving account since his birth which will go towards his car. The rest I'll put back into another account somewhere, keep adding to it and that will go towards a flat deposit, won't be ,uch but hey its something.

I've just suggested £100 a month to DS to cover phone, travel, clothes and pocket money and he's still saying it isn't enough

Just doing the math, with 30 for phone and 35 for travel, that leaves another 35 a month. Only 15 more than what he had, still has to buy clothes, food, etc.

Yeah, why would you now say you'll give him more money but only if he pays for the things you're paying for now out of it? From what you've said that amounts to an extra $3.50 a week for him. That's still not enough.

I really think you're being mean by saying you'll give him more then making him pay for the thjngs you're paying for out of it. You can afford to give him $100 a month and keep paying for his phone and bus. If you couldn't, he'd be able to get child benefit/bursaries etc.