Pocket money for a 17 year old

[ScotsHumphreys]

DS is 17, he worked from the age of 13 up until recently when the newsagent finished him. He's not worked since but says he has been applying.

He's at college full time doing a-levels. Because of our income he doesn't get ANY financial help from college.

From us he gets £5 a week pocket money, a mobile phone contract (£30 a month) and a monthly bus card (£35 a month) as well as all his clothes etc bought for him.

Problem is, because he's only getting £5 a week in actual cash he never has any money and is constantly nattering for more. (Can I have £3 to get some lunch in town? Can I have £4 to get a coffee with Alice? Can I have £10 to take Gemma to the fireworks display?") it's constant.

DH says £5 a week is enough as we pay all the other stuff for him and it was his choice to go to college instead of getting a job. I say it's not fair because he doesn't get any financial help from anywhere else because of what WE earn.

He said his own kids never got loads of pocket money whilst at college so I pointed out that they got college bursaries and travel costs because their (single) mother is on benefits. Do they DO have access to money, unlike DS.

What is the solution here??? DS is pissed off because all his friends either gets college bursaries, benefits or generous allowances from parents. He gets neither.

Bank of mum and dad.

Really? How cliche.

Supporting the kid you created. £30 is nothing, it's 2016.

Good god, Fame, £30 is the shopping budget for some families.

You're the DS, aren't you?

Some families but not OPs family.

If OP family had a £30 food budget op DS would get support from the state.

You sound very controlling. Just my opinion, and I'm sure it's just how you are coming across to me. These threads are just a snapshot.

Controlling?

We pay for DD17's bus pass to college, college equipment expenses, phone, driving lessons, DJ lessons and lunches at college.
Plus £80 allowance to spend on clothes, going out and any extras.
She is not well enough to work as well as college at the moment so we decided to let her keep any money she makes from ebaying our unwanted things.
This has been brilliant, she is learning to understand the market, what sells and what doesn't, her mistakes have cost her money too, she keeps all her things in really good condition- box instructions etc because the sales figure is higher.
She has ebayed old phones, clothes she has grown out of even brand named empty boxes sell- it helps she is studying photography.
Another upside is she is so careful with her hard earned cash, deciding to buy a return bus in advance, planning taxi shares, eating at home before she goes out, refilling her water bottle and buying designer clothes on eBay at a fraction of the cost.
Your DS I think has not enough currently at £5 a week but was unwise to dismiss your £100 a month offer.

I don't think this is bank of mum and dad territory, usually students can get financial help, OPs can't because of what they earn that's not his fault. There's learning values and then there's leaving your DC up shit creek when you can help them

Fame: It's irrelevant that a less affluent family would have support from the state. This family doesn't. But the boy gets the best part of £100 per month spent on him as it is. It is perfectly reasonable for parents to draw the line where they wish to, it's their money.

Remember this when he fucks off college to get a shitty job so he can have some independence.

I totally agree with this. This is basically what I did. I then went one further though and left home at 18 because as I was paying rent and buying my own food I decided that I may as well pay for those things and have my own space where I can live as I please.

It's not like OPs son has always expected to be given everything either, he had a job for quite a few years but the newsagent let him go and he hasn't been able to find another job since. He has been self supporting his spends for a number of years and currently he is unable to do that. And yes I think children should be praised, supported and encouraged to stay in education to make their futures better because as parents we should want them to have as good and comfortable a life as possible.
By all means have a go at him about his lazy habits and make him take more responsibility but don't encourage him to leave education to get a minimum wage dead end job.

LouisvilleLlama: Up shit creek because he can't buy Costa Coffee for girls he fancies? Okay.

He can look for a job, now there's an idea. Then he can do what he wants with his money.

And if OP and her husband think £100 per month is a lot they better pray that their son doesn't want to go to uni as depending on their income they will be expected to find a lot more than £100 towards his student support costs. But maybe they are the type who would ignore their contribution assessment and refuse to help him because he has no call going to uni and expecting financial help when it is only for his own benefit.

Just to give a slightly different opinion -- I wish my parents had given me a budget. I never had to worry about money and now I'm terrible with it. I was allowed pretty much anything ad hoc but I had to ask my mum daily: how much I wanted and for what. Every day I had to ask for lunch money etc. My dad paid my phone contract so I had no idea how much it cost or anything like that.

My parents tried to shelter me from money worries but instead created an entitled teenager who got a very sharp shock taking care of herself at university and a bewildered adult when she had to pay rent etc.

Sixisthemagicnumber: That is unnecessarily harsh. Leaving aside the point that parents are not obliged to contribute financially to their kids' student finance, that contribution will be spread across food, rent and bills as well as coffees and clothing. They are already paying their son's basic costs and have been doing since he was born. He is asking for additional money to spend on non-essentials. I would fully expect my child to get a job to pay for things he wanted, rather than needed.

When I was 16/17 I qualified for a grant of £30 per week from college, attendance dependent; and got £20 a month pocket Money from my grandparents as my parents were skint. So I had £150 a month to cover my costs. These were bus pass (£45), phone contract (£20), which add up to the same total as the DS's. The other £85 had to cover all my clothes, socialising etc. I tended to use any Christmas and birthday money as money for clothes and essentials so that my monthly cash would go further, and the monthly cash was for socialising, lunches etc. There was no extra cash available for top ups from my parents.

I don't think this is unreasonable if you can afford it to be honest. But if it's too much of a leap from the current £85 then maybe somewhere around the £120 would be appropriate?

Yes I agree it was harsh. Partly because I thought his comment had been made by the OP but having scrolled back I realise that it wasn't so I apologise for my harshness. I do stand by the fact that I left college and home due to having no financial support from my parents at college and being expected to contribute towards rent and bills by more than what was reasonable.

And all this, he should be praised for going to college. Really? That's entirely to his own benefit. So now we're supposed to applaud when someone furthers his/her education

I never had to worry about money and now I'm terrible with it.

Meh. I was the same. Except mine also paid for my way through University and helped me buy my first house. I wasn't shocked when I was finally financially independent and I'm good with money. Most of peers were similar. My father made sure that I knew that I was lucky and to enjoy my good fortune because I may not always have a fortunate life.

There is something called the availability bias that the OPs son may be doing. If his peers are all able to afford more than him he may think he needs /should get more, it's not necessarily "entitlement" but just a blind spot or bias that he has.

I left home at 17, got a 'part time job' that was really 35-40 hours a week, paid rent and bills and did A levels. I got into the university of my choice and I carried on working in the holidays to pay my accommodation and living costs. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't have anything against young people who don't have these responsibilities, but I do get irritated when they think they should have both essential living expenses and discretionary spending covered without having to lift a finger to earn money. It is surely better to teach them that they will be helped when they need help, but they are also expected to help themselves.

It's up to you how much you give but it is helpful to give him a monthly budget. My 17yo (at private school and yes TBH we could give him more) gets £60 pcm plus £5 PAYG for his phone. I pay for his clothes but as he cant be bothered to go shopping that isn't much.

He manages. And he needs to learn to manage as he'll be off to uni next year.