Pocket money for a 17 year old

[ScotsHumphreys]

DS is 17, he worked from the age of 13 up until recently when the newsagent finished him. He's not worked since but says he has been applying.

He's at college full time doing a-levels. Because of our income he doesn't get ANY financial help from college.

From us he gets £5 a week pocket money, a mobile phone contract (£30 a month) and a monthly bus card (£35 a month) as well as all his clothes etc bought for him.

Problem is, because he's only getting £5 a week in actual cash he never has any money and is constantly nattering for more. (Can I have £3 to get some lunch in town? Can I have £4 to get a coffee with Alice? Can I have £10 to take Gemma to the fireworks display?") it's constant.

DH says £5 a week is enough as we pay all the other stuff for him and it was his choice to go to college instead of getting a job. I say it's not fair because he doesn't get any financial help from anywhere else because of what WE earn.

He said his own kids never got loads of pocket money whilst at college so I pointed out that they got college bursaries and travel costs because their (single) mother is on benefits. Do they DO have access to money, unlike DS.

What is the solution here??? DS is pissed off because all his friends either gets college bursaries, benefits or generous allowances from parents. He gets neither.

It's all very well people saying oh I give my teen this, this and this. Not everyone can afford it.

My DD is 18. She's been working since she was 16, in Next and McDonalds. She was also studying full time doing A levels, and then working two shifts at weekends and one shift during the week in the evening.

She's finished her A levels and is off to Uni in a couple of months. She is working 5 days a week until then. She has managed to save enough to buy a car and tax it. She's paying for her own driving lessons and has also part funded a trip to Florida (the other half was crowd-funded as it's a voluntary role she's doing). The only thing I pay for her, is her mobile phone, which I will pay through Uni.

I know it sounds harsh but a) we just don't have unlimited money to throw at her for nothing and b) how the fuck will she ever learn to budget if I'm just handing out money and paying for everything?

Tell him to get a job. I wouldn't pay him for doing the hoovering as someone else suggested either. Contributing to household chores is par for the course, no-one pays me for doing it!

I agree with most, it would be sensible to st a budget and then he can decide if he wants to spend £30 on a phone contract, or if he'd prefer to spend £7.50 and have the rest for coffee. He can choose if he wants to spend £3 on lunch or choose to take his own from home and keep the £3 in his pocket.
FWIW, my dc, at £17, have both had £17 per month pocket money and managed fine - incentivised them to get jobs. I've never paid for their phones - they were all on PAYG until they were earning their own money and then they chose what to do with it.
Oh, and all my dc are expected to / have always contributed to doing stuff around the house as they live here too.

I give my 14 year old daughter £5 a week, we also buy her clothes and pay travel costs if they are not related to socializing, for example if she needed to get to school via bus then she would have that paid (she doesn't need buses to school, that was just an example). Today she has gone for a sleep over and needed to get the bus back with her friend so that has come out of her pocket money. Make-up she buys herself as and when (I bought her first lot and put it all in a makeup bag and now she tops up herself when needed/wanted). I think what I am saying is £5 doesn't seem enough for a 17 old. Maybe increase but expect chores for it? (we have a clause in place that she can earn up to £5 extra a week if she does chores - currently she chooses not to but that is fine).

I didn't get abutting from my parents once I was 16- they paid for travel to college but I had a payg phone (Nokia brick back in the early 00's) and a job in BHS on the weekends. They bought clothing essentials sometimes ie knickers socks etc but anything else I wanted I bought myself from my wages. Do you live in a town or a rural village? Is he likely to find work if he actually looked? Ask where he has applied maybe and suggest other avenues he can try.

I agree that pocket money for chores is inappropriate at 17. He should be helping in the house he lives in as a matter of course, just like the adults he lives with (and who pay the bills) have to.

£5 doesn't buy much these days.
He should be praised for going to college and trying to further his education rather than penalised for it by your husband.
Jobs are hard to find for teenagers in some areas.
I give my 13 year old £5 a week, I buy all of his clothes and toiletries, I buy his bus pass and I pay for all of his school lunches. If he wants a trip to the cinema etc then I will give him extra once a month. When he is 16 I know he will need significantly more than £5 per week as everything is so expensive.
The one thing you could do to give him more money without struggling is reduce the phone contract. The teenager in my house has a £10 monthly contract and even the adults contracts are only £20 a month.

God I'd give him a bigger monthly allowance, let him manage his own budget and have some fun with his mates.

He's 17 and he's studying, he's got his whole life ahead of him to work. And he's already worked in the past.

He's young and should enjoy it while he can!

I am in the minority obviously.

My dd 18 has £15 a week from college due to her disability and £45 a month from us. She gets a free college bus but any other bus fares she pays for herself unless it's a medical appointment then we pay.
I think while teens are still in sixth form they should be given an allowance.
Also op does his dad realise all 16/17 year olds in England and Wales need to be in education?

At that age i was paying all my own stuff and rent to my parents.

Oh and dd college gives free lunches to students.

I was paying rent and buying my own stuff at that age too missvictoria but if I hasn't needed to do that I might have stayed at college and finished my A levels instead of leaving to get a job.

Surely at 17 it should be an allowance rather than pocket money? A set amount every month to teach him to budget so he chooses what to spend it on but has to sort his own phone clothes etc....

'It's all very well people saying oh I give my teen this, this and this. Not everyone can afford it.'

This. Wow. It seems so many have hundreds to spunk away on frivolities every month. Must be nice.

And all this, he should be praised for going to college. Really? That's entirely to his own benefit. So now we're supposed to applaud when someone furthers his/her education.

He's hardly being 'penalised'. Poor child, can't afford to go to Costa daily.

My dc gets that and they are half his age. YABU.

Remember this when he fucks off college to get a shitty job so he can have some independence. You sound controlling, enjoy the fall out.

'My dc gets that and they are half his age. YABU. '

What if you weren't able to afford that? What does a 9 year old need a fucking mobile phone for, either?

Op can afford it so that's irrelevant to this discussion

No, it's not. Just because she can afford it, it doesn't mean it's the best thing for him at all. She's said he's lazy, his room is a tip, he does nothing in the home, all he wants to do is party and his grades are mediocre. And that he thinks £100/month isn't enough. So then he can get a job. Sounds like he needs to learn some more lessons about life.

Your dh is bu. $5 a week? My ds has gotten $10 a week since he was 12! I'd up it but then roll clothing and it together and then he can decide where to budget.

£25 a week for everything including clothes is nonsense. DS gets it, he'll go far.

In fairness this touches a nerve and I take it back. I'm an only child of parents who expected everything, had plenty and gave nothing. I got fuck all because of their wages, but fuck all support either.

I am really successful now, so I should thank them I suppose. The success is in spite of them, not because of them.

Shouldn't have weighed in with such a back story.

I disagree that it comes down only to what you can afford. It's also relevant what values you want to teach them. I wouldn't be paying for my son to take girls out for coffee on top of his allowance if he left the house a tip, phoned in his studies and tried to argue the toss with me about how much I 'should' be giving him. I don't want to raise entitled children.