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Original poster

Pocket money for a 17 year old

220 replies

ScotsHumphreys · 26/11/2016 12:41

DS is 17, he worked from the age of 13 up until recently when the newsagent finished him. He's not worked since but says he has been applying.

He's at college full time doing a-levels. Because of our income he doesn't get ANY financial help from college.

From us he gets £5 a week pocket money, a mobile phone contract (£30 a month) and a monthly bus card (£35 a month) as well as all his clothes etc bought for him.

Problem is, because he's only getting £5 a week in actual cash he never has any money and is constantly nattering for more. (Can I have £3 to get some lunch in town? Can I have £4 to get a coffee with Alice? Can I have £10 to take Gemma to the fireworks display?") it's constant.

DH says £5 a week is enough as we pay all the other stuff for him and it was his choice to go to college instead of getting a job. I say it's not fair because he doesn't get any financial help from anywhere else because of what WE earn.

He said his own kids never got loads of pocket money whilst at college so I pointed out that they got college bursaries and travel costs because their (single) mother is on benefits. Do they DO have access to money, unlike DS.

What is the solution here??? DS is pissed off because all his friends either gets college bursaries, benefits or generous allowances from parents. He gets neither.

OP posts:
Original poster
ScotsHumphreys · 26/11/2016 14:13

He's quite lazy and does nothing st all around the house. His room is a complete sty. He does absolutely nothing. Behaviour wise he's good but his grades are not great as he's always wanting to be out partying. Ema is £30 a week apparently, so £120 a month. I could match it but then where is the incentive to find work?

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 14:17

Don't match EMA. He isn't helping at home, isn't studying hard, wants to go out all the time and - by the sounds of it - isn't looking for work so much as telling you he is looking for work. Time for some tougher love?

worridmum · 26/11/2016 14:22

Yes because the economy is going really really well employers are just wanting every single 17 year old out their and there are enough jobs for everyone to go around ....... NOT

If you are not in London part time work that a 17 year old can do is like hens teeth because right now full adults are hovering up most of the part time jobs that are on offer here in the north west so its not so simply to go get a job (even mc dondalds are able to be picky as they get 30+ applicants per job) with graduates having to apply for this level of job as well btw.

Sorry for the mini rant it gots on my wick when people just assume 16/17/18 can go out and easily get a job as thats what they did (much much easier for parents late 30s + as the economy was alot better now).

£5 a week is actully nothing my 12 year old get more than that if she does her chores etc

£5 a week is not quite enough for 2 coffees here in york and would take 3 weeks to get 1 cinema ticket so its quite harsh exisitance for a teenager thats at full time college.

Why is your partner wanting to punish your child because you earn too much? god help him if he goes to university as the loans are based on your earnings and if you earn over the limit he will get fuck all that wont even cover the accomidation.

£10 - 15 a week while covering him for bus fare and clothes sounds far more reasonable (though cut back massively on the phone no one needs a £30 contract)

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 14:26

worridmum: I have little siblings in the north west (several) and not one of them has struggled to find a part time job once they really started looking. I accept that if he is looking properly for work it's not his fault if he can't find it, but does it sound like he is making an effort?

LovingLola · 26/11/2016 14:28

So phone is £30. Travel is £35. Add in 4 by £5 for his weekly pocket money and that is $20. So if you switch to giving him £100 per month that leaves him £15 to buy clothes and any extras?

followTheyellowbrickRoad · 26/11/2016 14:28

If you can afford it, I would give him more to. And make it £10 a week at least. But give it monthly so he has £40 a month and can budget according.

How long does he have left in his phone contract? I would see if you can drop it a bit.

sj257 · 26/11/2016 14:30

I didn't get any pocket money, i worked from the age of 14. My mum would pay for clothes (only ones I needed, not just wanted) and toiletries. If I wanted anything else I had to buy it myself, at 17 I had two part time jobs, a Saturday one and an evening one.

5moreminutes · 26/11/2016 14:34

My parents gave me an allowance during term time because my father had strong feelings about us not doing part time jobs in term time (which was a good job really as they lived miles from anywhere with no public transport so I couldn't have got myself to a term time job).

Conversely I got nothing in the summer holidays because I was expected to work then (and did from the age of 14, full time over the summer for £1.08 an hour I distinctly remember!)

From starting 6th form just after my 16th birthday til the end of 6th form just before my 18th I got £80 way back in the 90s which would be at least twice that now, but then my parents paid for nothing - bus fares, all food eaten out of the house, absolutely all leisure activities and school trips and all my clothes, shoes, toiletries and school stationary came out of it.

I think I will do the same for my kids though it's a few years off - have already discussed it with DD who is angling to start the allowance idea at 12, but I don't think she's mature enough yet not to blow it all on novelty T shirts and earrings...

stabbytheunicorn · 26/11/2016 14:36

Once the phone contract runs out buy a SIM only from another supplier (look to get his phone unblocked if need be so you can get the best deal)

My 12yr old has a second hand handset and I got a simo deal from a company called the people's operator- they use the EE network. This costs £10 a month with decent package, 2gb of data, calls and txt included. She only goes over the tenner if she sends a picture message. So it's hardly ever more than £11 a month.

£5 does seem a small amount but if you can cut the phone costs down that saving could be passed on.

WaggyMama · 26/11/2016 14:38

My DD put together a small CV and went to every cafe, coffee shop and restaurant in town. She got two calls back and was working by the end of the week.

lovingmyginandiphone · 26/11/2016 14:40

My DS also 17 is doing A levels and works part time in Waitrose, I also give him £30 a month pocket money (balances out with the Waitrose discount!) and his dad pays for his phone contract. He buys his own clothes and walks to sixth form.... they need to learn to earn their own money and budget ready for when they go to uni!

ihatethecold · 26/11/2016 14:40

My ds 16 pays his own phone bill now. We split the cost of any clothes he buys, which isn't often.
He earns his own money and is at 6th form.
He gets £70-£100 per week washing up at a pub.
There's no way I'd give him pocket money now.

Vixxfacee · 26/11/2016 14:40

Are there any children's holiday camps near you. They will have work every 6 weeks during school holidays and half terms so wont affect college.

Wookiecookies · 26/11/2016 14:41

My kids have a go henry ac,

Stop paying for clothes apart from essentials, underwear, winter coat/hat/gloves etc.

Pay him more to replace clothing budget, but only on a weekly chore basis (this is where I find go henry useful because you can set to only release money when chores are carried out.)

He needs more than £5 per week, BUT you dont get something for nothing, so he should only be paid on the back of his contribution to the family and home IMHO.

My older DD1 is going to be poor this week as none of her set chores have been done. Tough luck!

H1ghw4y61revisited · 26/11/2016 14:53

I might be a little in the minority and don't have kids yet, but I do think I would rather they focused on school and improving grades rather than working a bunch, so I would probably be happy enough to pay for the essentials and some extra to go out with friends and stuff. Short term a job gives him some money to have fun, long term his education will help with a better job. Maybe you could incentivise his grades? If he's putting in the work at school I'd be happy to help out financially, but if he's just cruising along that's another thing.

bigredfireengine · 26/11/2016 14:57

I got £40 in 1984. No mobile phones then though

A 17 year old is still you full responsibility. Travel doesn't count as money that you are giving them. Is there a subsided pass through the college or council? Or is the £35 subsidised? Take this money out of any reckoning.

Mine have almost unlimited data contracts for £16 each a month- it was an offer through from ee. Can you change the contract?

So you give him £50 a month at the moment or £1.60 ish a day but only 66p a day after his phone for giving and clothes.

What do you do about lunch?

MrsGB2015 · 26/11/2016 15:03

I started working at 16 and paid my way since then while doing my A levels. I paid my phone, my travel and my lunches.

Katedotness1963 · 26/11/2016 15:07

My eldest is 17. He gets about £100 per month pocket money. We pay for his phone and buy his clothes/shoes/toiletries. School bus is free.

expatinscotland · 26/11/2016 15:19

£100 isn't enough? And he's lazy, just wants to party, not the best grades? I'd stick with £5/week and tell him he needs to get a job. Sure as hell wouldn't be paying for him to take girls out - Gemma and Alice can pay for their own coffee.

Sallystyle · 26/11/2016 15:29

My 17 year old can't get a bloody job it seems. Many of his friends are struggling to find jobs that fit around college. So many places want them to be flexible and don't seem to like the idea that they can't come in on certain days. It is tough out there.

Getting a job really isn't that easy. He's a good kid who studies hard and who is applying for jobs so I happy pay for what he needs. We don't give him a set amount of money though.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/11/2016 15:32

Do Alice and Gemma know they're being two-timed? Wink

Joking aside, it sounds like you provide an awful lot for him already. He'll be officially an adult soon - how long would you be prepared to support him for? A part time job is really needed I think.

Ragwort · 26/11/2016 15:37

he's still saying it isn't enough Shock Shock Shock

Well then, he needs to get a job - I'd love to drift around having coffee and lunches out (& paying for my friends) but my budget doesn't allow for it more than as a rare treat.

Join the real world. Grin.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/11/2016 15:44

No I don't think £100 a month to pay for everything is at all generous.

My 17 year old DD gets
phone
bus pass to college
packed lunch
swimming pass
horseriding session
youth theatre class
basic clothing (underwear, sensible coat etc)

plus £80 per month which goes on socialising, clothes, concerts and the like.

To earn that she hoovers the house regularly, empties dishwasher, lays table, keeps her room in order and works really hard at school. She has a temp job for Christmas but has struggled to find anything permanent.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/11/2016 15:49

I don't understand why he has such an expensive contract , that's ridiculous. Get that down to a tenner and there's instantly another 20 a month.

A fiver wouldn't stretch to 2 coffees here so I'm not surprised he's saying it isn't enough. I think it's reasonable to buy teens clothes until they're working properly. Is he actively seeking work? Don't stress about his room,if he wants to live like that then fine,just shut the door and ignore it.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/11/2016 15:51

is it possibly a contract that includes buying the phone?