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Original poster

Pocket money for a 17 year old

220 replies

ScotsHumphreys · 26/11/2016 12:41

DS is 17, he worked from the age of 13 up until recently when the newsagent finished him. He's not worked since but says he has been applying.

He's at college full time doing a-levels. Because of our income he doesn't get ANY financial help from college.

From us he gets £5 a week pocket money, a mobile phone contract (£30 a month) and a monthly bus card (£35 a month) as well as all his clothes etc bought for him.

Problem is, because he's only getting £5 a week in actual cash he never has any money and is constantly nattering for more. (Can I have £3 to get some lunch in town? Can I have £4 to get a coffee with Alice? Can I have £10 to take Gemma to the fireworks display?") it's constant.

DH says £5 a week is enough as we pay all the other stuff for him and it was his choice to go to college instead of getting a job. I say it's not fair because he doesn't get any financial help from anywhere else because of what WE earn.

He said his own kids never got loads of pocket money whilst at college so I pointed out that they got college bursaries and travel costs because their (single) mother is on benefits. Do they DO have access to money, unlike DS.

What is the solution here??? DS is pissed off because all his friends either gets college bursaries, benefits or generous allowances from parents. He gets neither.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 26/11/2016 19:24

LOL @ OP being 'controlling'. He wants to spunk money taking out girls, go and earn it.

NavyandWhite · 26/11/2016 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarOnTheTree · 26/11/2016 19:43

I give DD2 (16) an allowance of £100 a month. She pays for her phone out of that and college lunches if she wants them and anything else so clothes, socialising, make-up, etc. She can take a packed lunch to college if she wants to and she gets a free bus pass.

The allowance is enough for the essentials but she'll need to get a job if she wants more money. They're hard to come by here though but I can't afford to increase her allowance.

PNGirl · 26/11/2016 20:05

When I was 16 (2001) I had £40 a week (£25 from working every Saturday and £15 from mum and dad to cover bus fare and lunch at college). That was comfortable, enough to teach me to budget, and enough that if I ran into a friend in town I could go for a coffee without having to say that I couldn't afford it because I didn't have £3. I could have managed on £30 a week to cover travel, clothes, lunches and the odd cinema trip/coffee out but probably not much less.

I used to pay £7 for a weekly bus ticket, and I've just paid £5 for a single trip on a bus this afternoon. Times really are different.

When you say you buy clothes etc, do you mean sundries as well? E.g. deodorant, books, music? If so then stop buying those and up the allowance a bit.

Sybys · 26/11/2016 20:57

Haven't read the full thread, and maybe I was spoilt, but I used to get £40 p/w at that age, plus my phone was paid for. I was also at college. My parents aren't wealthy and I think maybe grandparents paid for my phone.

My parents wanted me to be able to have a bit of a social life, but wanted me focussed on college and not a part time job. I was expected to get a summer job when not in college, which I always did (not that it's always easy, depending on where you live).

I did well in college (4 As) as a result of being supported by my parents, and was still able to have a social life, which is particularly important at that age imo.

£5 would have been enough to cover one return bus ticket to town....and that was 15 years ago.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/11/2016 21:06

Where do kids still get EMA? Scotland? Where I live kids don't get it anymore. When DS was in college some of his mates did and never bothered to look for jobs. DS was doing a couple of shifts as a kitchen porter. Same when they went to university they got grants and bursaries, and DS, with his loan and parental contribution, was the one who got a part time job.

It's a difficult one because, while I totally agree that kids from lower income families should be helped to remain in education, it means that some of them then cruise along a bit, which is probably detrimental in the long term.

PUGaLUGS · 26/11/2016 21:15

DS (17) doesn't get pocket money. We pay £7.50 a month for unlimited calls/texts on his phone and that's it.

We buy his bus tickets in bulk for college and he gets £3.50 a day for lunches.

DH and I will not fund his lifestyle. He has a part time job washing cars. £45 a shift.

IAmNotACat · 26/11/2016 21:20

5 pounds a week is the same as giving him nothing. That won't buy even one social activity/week.

By not giving him more, when all his friends have access to more money, you will eventually be shutting him out of a social life. There's only so many times he can say no because he can't afford to go, or that he goes and doesn't have anything to eat or drink while everyone else is because he can't afford it, before people will stop inviting him to do anything with them. At least up it to 15/week so he can have one meal out or night out or a few coffees with his friends a week.

harridan50 · 26/11/2016 21:22

Monthly allowance to cover all expenses topped up by what they earn.

expatinscotland · 26/11/2016 21:27

'5 pounds a week is the same as giving him nothing. That won't buy even one social activity/week.

By not giving him more, when all his friends have access to more money, you will eventually be shutting him out of a social life. There's only so many times he can say no because he can't afford to go, or that he goes and doesn't have anything to eat or drink while everyone else is because he can't afford it, before people will stop inviting him to do anything with them. At least up it to 15/week so he can have one meal out or night out or a few coffees with his friends a week.'

It's the same as nothing? If you think that, send me a fiver. Hmm

He can get a job if he wants to swan around having coffees or going on nights out.

Cucumber5 · 26/11/2016 21:30

5 pounds is nothing. My arse. That's 20 a month.

IAmNotACat · 26/11/2016 21:31

It's not 'swanning around'. It's called having a life.

A 17 year old needs a social life. And they shouldn't have to get a job on top of doing A Levels. Those are like having a job in themselves given how much time they take. Since he qualifies for no monetary help, money should be provided for by parents -- if they couldn't afford it he would have money for college from bursaries like his friends.

Thefishewife · 26/11/2016 21:31

Sorry but I told my ds he gets nothing bank of mum of mum and dad is now CLOSED he got him self a job with in 3 weeks in tesco

If you fumd there fun there is zero motervation to get a job

Phone contracts are for people with jobs

IAmNotACat · 26/11/2016 21:32

Cucumber, could you live on 20 pounds a month?

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 21:32

IAmNotACat: It's not the same as giving him nothing. He is given money for clothes, transport and a phone. He can choose to spend the £5 on a coffee with friends or on something else. It is not a lot of money, granted, but he is making very little effort by the sounds of things to find a part-time job, so his social life can't mean that much to him.

Cucumber5 · 26/11/2016 21:32

Basically he wants you to pay for his essentials, extras and luxuries with no real effort or general commitment. What does this teach him?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 26/11/2016 21:32

Well my DD(17) is bright, charming and good looking. She has been looking for a job pretty much since September and has only now found something for a few weeks over the Christmas period.

I don't know where some of you live but it's not always easy for kids to "just get a job".

Trifleorbust · 26/11/2016 21:34

IAmNotACat: I couldn't live on £20 a month, but that's because the bank would repossess my house, I wouldn't be able to MOT my car, I wouldn't be able to heat my home or wash my clothes. It isn't because I wouldn't be able to afford expensive coffee.

BackforGood · 26/11/2016 21:36

You must live in a very blinkered world Iamnotacat
I, as an adult who has worked all my life, don't go out for coffee, or meals, on a weekly basis. Why do you then think I should be funding my dc to do so?
My dc have all got plenty of friends. None of them (my dc are 20, 18, and 15) 'go for a coffee'.
They are all involved in their hobbies and they all spend time at friends houses or doing things like walking friend's dog, or going round to watch a film or play fifa. In between working (for school/ college), playing music, and sport, and working (for money).
None of them are socail outcasts I can assure you.

YoungPretenderMortificado · 26/11/2016 21:37

Jesus expat you do sound like you'd have 'em working at the coal face at 10 years old Shock

There's really nothing wrong with being a kid at 17 and being able to have fun and go out with your friends. It's not immoral to be funded by your parents at that age. He's got a lifetime of work ahead of him.

And an educated population benefits society at large, not just the individual.

Cucumber5 · 26/11/2016 21:38

Keeping up with the Jones's is a hiding to nothing anyway. Materially he is very well off but doesn't quite appreciate his good fortune. Learnjng the value of money is important. Universities will want to see more then just x many A level grades, they will want to see voluntary or paid work on a CV

Thefishewife · 26/11/2016 21:39

Mc Donald's are always hiring it's just that most don't want to work there

I they say there looking but there there REALLY looking until they realise they won't get a penny more from you my son was looking at it was really diffcult to get a job until he realised we weren't kidding the mc Donald's wanted to see him with in 5 days of applying and the tesco was a week he had a interview and was hired the next day

Aroundtheworldandback · 26/11/2016 21:41

Totally agree with iiamNotACat in that a 17 yo should be studying hard and rewarded by being able to have a social life in his free time! Honestly op would you rather he sat in alone and lost his friends because he couldn't afford to go out?

My kids know they won't be funded forever but I fully intend to support my kids whilst they're studying. I'd rather my kids get brilliant ALevels, they have their whole lives to fund themselves.

expatinscotland · 26/11/2016 21:41

'It's not 'swanning around'. It's called having a life.

A 17 year old needs a social life. And they shouldn't have to get a job on top of doing A Levels. Those are like having a job in themselves given how much time they take. Since he qualifies for no monetary help, money should be provided for by parents -- if they couldn't afford it he would have money for college from bursaries like his friends.'

Boohoo. Plenty have to get a job because the parents cannot afford to pay for them to have this 'social life' even if they do get a bursary because essentials have to be paid for, too. We also have no idea if his mates are getting bursaries.

I was stony skint at uni, like a lot of students and we managed to have an active social life on very little money. We didn't go out for coffees or meals and OMG! We all still lived! We got creative with what little we had because it wasn't being handed to us on a plate. We got Shock JOBS on top of school work or during term breaks and when we couldn't get jobs, we made jobs - walking dogs, babysitting, pet sitting, running errands/Girl Friday.

expatinscotland · 26/11/2016 21:43

'Totally agree with iiamNotACat in that a 17 yo should be studying hard and rewarded by being able to have a social life in his free time!'

She says he had mediocre marks, is lazy and just wants to party. Probably not the wisest idea to throw money at him and encourage this.