To think this no pants rule is bloody weird?

[tinkiiev]

So; just discovered DD (just turned 5) is in a dance show - didn't realise her weekly tap classes were building up to this....

Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it, but also, apparently they have to wear NO PANTS.

We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up at the end of the show (930pm).

So my only just 5 year old is gong to be expected to strip right down to her bare bum backstage without her parents there. Apparently there are "chaperones" but I have never met any of these people.

I'm sure she won't mind; she'll have a great time; but I think it's really odd - she's 5 - she's too little to understand what's appropriate and what isn't and I've been trying to teach her that bottoms are private and nobody else should be seeing hers; only if me or her father are there and there's a good reason (e.g. At the doctor if we say it's ok).

AIBU? I was pretty shocked but the dance teachers looked at me like I was some kind of outmoded prude, and said if I objected, she'd have to pull out of the show.

"The helpers would no doubt be very sad to think you were worried and thinking twice about doing the show because of this issue."

One would hope so. But maybe the outcome would be the same! We do it this way because it suits us.

Really posted the picture of Carlos Acosta to demonstrate what male ballet tights worn for performances look like (as opposed to boys ballet shorts which are usually worn for class at pre primary level.

I just don't understand why she would have to wear a leoptard there but then need to take this off for her costume.

As OP has not really explained this part and has ignored it throughout when others had said it, I think she has misunderstood the situation and it was just no pants under leotard, costume goes over leotard as would be normal in this situation. No actual 'bare bummed ness'

Not rtft but this was common practice when DD did gymnastics. Only for competitions tho, not training. All ages as far as I can remember and DD did gymnastics from the age of 6-22years.

Eliza I was half joking! But my point was adults might do one thing and kids another.

Not rtft but I'm a bit astounded at this - dd1 is teenage, always been dance mad, cast as principal dancer in several shows and now dancing in competitions but has never gone pants-free. Dd2 now doing Freestyle and ballet exams with a different school and same applies. I'd find this weird.

I personally think it's about finding the right underwear that works.

But many parents won't bother so sometimes it's easier to say none b

If you had ever seen a bunch of about 20 little ones in white costumes on stage under the brilliant lights then you will know why there is often a 'no knickers' rule!
Yes, it would be easy for the teacher to say that the class has a pink costume (or whatever) and to wear matching knickers under it, but honestly some people have trouble in getting their kid to the theatre on the right day, let alone remembering that they need to be wearing the right underwear.
By the way, the rules for backstage chaperones are really stringent now, and it isn't unknown for councils to visit and demand to see everyone's licences.

I think you are over reacting.
My DDs both have done dance classes and shows and exams for years
In general they are told flesh coloured or no pants for exams. In the show it depends on the costume - I wish they would say pant free sometimes as if they say eg white or pale pink pants you have to buy a pack of 5 or something...
(No pants does cause shock and some hilarity between them at first ...they can't not wear pants!!! )
I've been a chaperone several times - I am enhanced disclosed - now have a PVG (in Scotland) but it wasn't a requirement -but every group has two chaperones and in a room with several groups - I don't think you need to worry about that side of things.
However the last time one costume was 'no pants' it was an 'odd' coloured, quite high legged leotard- apparently at the dress rehearsal pants had been a problem as they were really obviously sticking out the legs. All the children (aged 5-6) got themselves dressed, discreetly - most had dressing gowns and changed under them (I didn't notice a bare bum!) -however I had one child who was insisting on wearing pants, her parent had told her to keep them on. They were really obvious - think bright coloured under a pale leotard, hanging down at the legs. I decided not to push the issue but told her to push them up to hide them under the leotard sides - I couldn't help her do it (touching her to help would have been inappropriate) so she struggled a bit and when she came off after the dance they were on show...really obvious. Honestly if I was the mother I would have told them to not wear them for the next performance...(or got her paler ones!)
And IME even though parents are told to send them in 'suitable coloured' pants quite often for whatever reason they forget..you have the child who feel awkward with their flowery pants showing through.
In your case they are probably being told to go without pants to stop them fussing about taking them off - it is ok not to wear them under their costume.
And I don't think it is confusing...at 5 they should be able to tell the difference.

Giant crumpled-up Bridget Jones pants, polka dots, hipsters showing at the sides, neon cartoon characters and the like aren't easily disguised by pale coloured costumes and look absolutely dreadful on stage, they really do.

Never had the no pants rule for DD even with exams (admittedly rosette level currently for DD but I chaperone and help out with the older classes too) and her teacher currently has a 100% pass rate for exams.

Maybe it's a "thing" with some schools. I can see why your not happy OP because it goes against what we teach them and at that sort of age they don't always understand that rules aren't black and white

I danced from 1986 until 1998 in several dance schools and theatre companies, and the no underwear rule was completely normal (I started late for a dancer, aged 8).

My classical ballet school's rule was no underwear at any time, however my jazz and contemporary ballet only had the no underwear rule for exams and performances.

When I worked in theatres, I've often had 30 second costume changes in the wings, which involved a clothing assistant, and me stripping down to nothing but a pair of knickers and into another costume alongside several other performers, of both sexes and varying in age from 15 - 50. After the first few awkward, slightly cringey times, it became the norm.

It's just the nature of performing. I can understand feeling initially weird about it for your five year old, but as long as you talk to her about it in an age appropriate way, explaining that she isn't 'showing' herself in this situation, it's merely functional, and provide her with a dressing gown or long baggy tee to help protect her modesty, then she will be just fine.

Hope your daughter enjoys her show, it's an immensely enjoyable and satisfying thing for a performer.

We were in a show as 11 year olds where the teacher specified no knickers under our leotards.
He filmed the changing area.
He was sacked. Quietly because it was the 80s.

*Have been here years and am not a paedo on every corner type

When I did ballet we were not allowed to wear underwear. You are worrying about nothing OP...... Let it go.

I dance (and wear dance knickers). My dd danced, and wore no knickers for shows and exams.

Most places are really strict on the dbs. Even as a current pupil volunteering to do hair for last year's Xmas show, I needed one.

Either send her in no pants and add dance shows and exams to the exemption list, quickly get some dance knickers, or send her already in her leotard.

I am a Special Olympics Rhythmic Gymnastics coach, and yes - we do discourage no pants under leotards/performance costumes. However, we do encourage all our athletes to wear a "nude" (as corse to their natural skin tone as possible) under-leotard as their base layer. This is almost entirely for modesty purposes. It allows for proper viewing of musculature as PPS have mentioned, but no one is exposed. Could this new an option if you are uncomfortable with her being exposed?

One of our team athletes is a world multi gold medallist, so we can't be getting undergarments that wrong.

With that said... 5 years old and no pants for a recital and attended to by strangers backstage would seem a bit unsettling to me too if I were new to all of this.

No, that's normal. The leotard acts as pants in the same way as a swimsuit.

The carlos picture was because someone challenged the need to wear leotards for lines etc when boys can wear shorts.

I was pointing out boys don't wear shorts, for the same reasons.

No way. It might be normal in dance circles to not wear knickers, that does not mean it is good practise to have 5 year olds changing under those circumstances. I don't care where that's 'normal' it's not right.

Sigh.

Which is why they arrive at the theatre already in their leotard.

I never understand the "they will have had DBS checks/ be DBS cleared"

Some people offend before & after the check, but havnt been caught.

Anyway I mean that in general, not just this thread.

Would you not let her get changed for swimming if she was at a school where they swam weekly without parents? I think you are making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Bare bum to get changed into a new outfit, do it is like getting dressed. Prancing about with bare bum or specifically showing it to other people not ok.

And unlike swimming changing rooms theatre dressing rooms are subject to unannounced inspections from the local authority education welfare officers.

Don't get me wrong. I always refused to send dd knicker less. But I took the trouble to provide an alternative solution though it wasn't exactly cheap.