To think this no pants rule is bloody weird?

[tinkiiev]

So; just discovered DD (just turned 5) is in a dance show - didn't realise her weekly tap classes were building up to this....

Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it, but also, apparently they have to wear NO PANTS.

We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up at the end of the show (930pm).

So my only just 5 year old is gong to be expected to strip right down to her bare bum backstage without her parents there. Apparently there are "chaperones" but I have never met any of these people.

I'm sure she won't mind; she'll have a great time; but I think it's really odd - she's 5 - she's too little to understand what's appropriate and what isn't and I've been trying to teach her that bottoms are private and nobody else should be seeing hers; only if me or her father are there and there's a good reason (e.g. At the doctor if we say it's ok).

AIBU? I was pretty shocked but the dance teachers looked at me like I was some kind of outmoded prude, and said if I objected, she'd have to pull out of the show.

Well, they don't do school swimming lessons till year 3.

And? A 7yo getting changed is pretty much the same as a 5yo getting changed, you know.

Has your DD actually objected to getting changed in front of her friends, and a couple of their parents (which is who the volunteer chaperones will be, after all)?

I have to say, I go swimming a few times a week. I am easily able to change in the changing rooms in a fairly discreet manner. She could wear a longish top and leggings. Take off her leggings, and pull on her tights. There. She's wearing tights which cover her bottom as well as knickers do, anyway. And no one saw her bottom, because it was covered by the longish top. Easy.

really maybe the kids costumes should be less skimpy then?

If you think leotards are too skimpy maybe dance or gymnastics isn't for you or your child.

Leotards are perfectly normal dance wear.

OK just ignore me then...Sob...I'm saying pants from now on

My daughters dance school, which is strict about uniform, has no such rule, even for exams. If it did, my dd, who is 5, would be very uncomfortable, and would simply refuse to go without knickers if she had to change in front of strangers. I've had a look at information for the older girls and there doesn't seem to be anything about knickers at all.

The standards and expectations of any organisation should be the same for those at entry level as it is for those at the top. Otherwise, at what point would you insist on those standards and expectations?

The parents would only want to know why it had changed and there would still be those who resisted.

itsme (nearly) everyone takes their underwear off to wear under leotards for dance exams and performances too.

Not all, but it's a pretty standard thing.

However a 5 yr old just starting lessons is possibly in a very informal Xmas show, where surely no one will care less if any dcs undies are on show.go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up

It doesn't sound like an informal show though:-

'Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it...

We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they at the end of the show (930pm).'

Have you double checked that she isn't keeping Her leotard on as a base for the costume?
It seems strange to send them in with t shirts, trousers and a leotard just to change out of it - why need a leotard at all?
And you do realise she must be able to get changed herself the chaperones won't be doing this for her - they will be supervising timings, noise levels and behavior etc not hands on changing children - maybe with the exception of correctly tying up ballet shoes for little ones

That doesn't make sense!

what I mean to say was that the OP said:-

' Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it,...
We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up at the end of the show (930pm).'

That doesn't sound like an informal show itsmine The dance school has to make it look professional, it is their reputation on the line.If you don't like it then don't enter your child for the show!

Swimming at school is totally different

How?

dyls my daughter's Christmas dance show is coming up.

She has to arrive in the school's t shirt and leggings. Then she has a costume change (including leotard) for each dance that she does (different styles). Then they wear the school t shirt and leggings for the finale.

I'm both a local authority licensed chaperone & the parent of a teenage dancer.

Many dance teachers consider a leotard & ballet tights to be equivalent to underwear. I can pretty much guarantee that unless your dsughter needs to wear several different leotards during the show then she will not be asked to strip down to her bare bottom.

The leotard will be used as a base, they shirt & leggings removed & the costume put on over the top of the leotard.

However my own dsughter has always worn knickers underneath her leotard. You can get nude coloured seamless dance knickers from capezio or First Position & when they get a bit older Primark do a cheapo version.

By law all chaperones have to be licensed with the local authority. Parents are not allowed backstage without one of these licences. You have to have a DBS check, provide written references & have an interview.

Stormyseasallround nails it. It's perfectly normal, t-shirt will cover everything anyway, all chaperones will be DBS checked and you can't double the numbers of people backstage by having the parents there, it would be utter chaos!

My kids do theatre rather than dance, so undies isn't an issue except for very rare roles, but we have exactly the same set up otherwise. I am allowed backstage with them because I am DBS checked, but I'm not an official chaperone, so I don't stay any longer than to help my own kids, but most parents don't come backstage at all.

When your kids going swimming with school and have to change, would you expect them to keep their knickers on under the costume? It's exactly the same.

I also don't understand the relevance of the nspcc stuff, nobody is asking to see or touch, they're asking her to get changed.

In our house, we all prance about in various stages of undress (which I'm sure will horrify many people on MN) as I make a point of teaching my kids that their bodies are nothing to be embarrassed about, but they still understand the meaning of private parts, and if ever I need to look at them for medical reasons etc, we have the discussion about how and when that is ok. Basically their understanding is that no-one should force them to show anything OR to hide anything, I think both are equally important. I know that won't be popular, but I really think it contributes to a lot of the self esteem/body image issues that people have.

They may show through leotards, but the camels hoof effect of not wearing knickers can be pretty spectacular - I have a photo of my DD in a show when she was about 7 and it is one about which she is mortified even at the age of 40!!!

This thread has really made me pleased that my dd(7) plays tag rugby as a hobby rather than dancing g!!

I can see what you v are v getting at re nspcc message, but when she goes swimming with the school it will be the same, and no chaperones.

Swimming at school is exactly the same.

A local school swims in a leisure centre i use.

They all pile into the communal change, get changed out of school uniform, into swimsuits, with 2 teachers for crowd management.

Then get out, dry, and change back into uniform.

I don't think they leave their pants on :). They also manage not to "show their bums" to all and sundry.

I'm sure a five year old can understand the importance of not swimming in their pants and so not wearing wet pants under their clothes. They understand the only way is to remove their pants. But I can't imagine a five year old understands why they can't wear pants to dance. Unless of course you stress the importance of how they look and what other people expect and think of you is more important than the person themselves. Which is not a message I would teach a child. It is ridiculous given the football abuse scandal in the news today, an abuse support lady was on the BBC this morning saying parents should question when things don't seem right. I suspect this is an overzealous failed dancer turned teacher being very naive, but somebody somewhere is taking advantage. I think the OP is right to just play this one out and quietly leave. But do let them know why you left OP.

Having supervised school swimming at infant age (school has own swimming pool)-standard state school.
I can assure you that most 5-7yos have no worries about wearing absolutely nothing. In fact stopping them from running out of the changing room to the toilet in the nude happened every time I helped at least once.
And nude dancing in the girls was also very common -six 6yo girls doing The Locomotion were very put out when told to stop.
The boys tended to go in for more like competitive willy wobbling.
Not my favourite school activity to help with.

Sounds right witchend.

Dds dance show has said no knickers, and we as chaperones haven't been asked if we are dbs checked.

There is no way my child at age 5 would be going anywhere where a child would be expected to be naked in front of other people.

Do people really pay attention to pants

Will an amazing dancer really be marked down cos hello kitty poked through fir a second?

Isn't there an actual talent to pay attention to?

How many threads have been started on here because a journalist or judge or whatever commented on a contestants/celebs underwear? Yet here we have kids unable to wear pants should some one see it?

Bonkers...