To think this no pants rule is bloody weird?

[tinkiiev]

So; just discovered DD (just turned 5) is in a dance show - didn't realise her weekly tap classes were building up to this....

Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it, but also, apparently they have to wear NO PANTS.

We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up at the end of the show (930pm).

So my only just 5 year old is gong to be expected to strip right down to her bare bum backstage without her parents there. Apparently there are "chaperones" but I have never met any of these people.

I'm sure she won't mind; she'll have a great time; but I think it's really odd - she's 5 - she's too little to understand what's appropriate and what isn't and I've been trying to teach her that bottoms are private and nobody else should be seeing hers; only if me or her father are there and there's a good reason (e.g. At the doctor if we say it's ok).

AIBU? I was pretty shocked but the dance teachers looked at me like I was some kind of outmoded prude, and said if I objected, she'd have to pull out of the show.

The thing is, I'm not actually worried about people seeing her bum, and I'm really not paranoid about predatory back stage paedos (!!) but I am worried about mixed messages. She's really little and I'm still trying to explain to her, without freaking her out, that she shouldn't show her bare bottom to strangers. Having complicated exceptions to the rule doesn't help. And just doesn't seem necessary...

Haha yes knockers and buns are clearly of less concern than knickers and bums in this case.

Honestly, it's an issue which won't go away. Knickers hanging out the sides of leotards do look awful, and the ballet world isn't about to change on your say so. Backstage is hectic but wonderful, there's really no nudity, just fast-paced changing of costumes in order to get back on for the next number.

NSPCC Pants. I think it is completely unnecessary & undesirable in terms of teaching young children about privacy.

It's not my first post by the way. Name changed. Cutted pear, Pom bear etc (although I never know why that proves anything).

Maybe you should volunteer to chaperone? They always tend to need an extra pair of hands

It's a solution, but she won't be able to without a DBS check.

Sorry to be clear the dance class edict. The NSPCC message is necessary.

Then send her in a skirt and tell her to change underwear before removing it. Does she swim with school, same would apply?

Name changed. Cutted pear, Pom bear etc (although I never know why that proves anything).

I think it just proves that you've been on here long enough to know that that is what you must say if you NC!

Werent't there a thread similar to this yesterday?

I'm not being goady whatever you call it, or argumentative or anything. I just worry as English isn't my first language, even after all these years in England. I tend to get out of touch with things.. But do we not say knickers anymore?

Found the link, these (or something similar) are what you need:
www.katz-dancewear.co.uk/productpage.php?product=1001

There was Lobster

I have reported and would suggest that people don't discuss whether their children wear underwear at dance recitals etc just in case

Not sure what Livia and Lobster are accusing me of but I don't really appreciate it.

Everyone else; thank you for your advice! Maybe it is best to quit the whole thing; she doesn't really love it that much. We moved from
Ballet to tap because I wasn't too keen on the whole "pretty pretty" body image stuff in ballet; thought tap would be a bit better. I just think it's all a bit full on for a 5 year old.

She's really little and I'm still trying to explain to her, without freaking her out, that she shouldn't show her bare bottom to strangers. Having complicated exceptions to the rule doesn't help

She'll understand if you say - "sometimes we get changed for swimming or a show and that's ok" - surely?

My 5 yo DD had school swimming lessons with communal changing area...

But the nspcc message is about body autonomy and about children not feeling pressured to "show" their body. It talks about feeling bad, sad, upset and worried. It talks about feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed and trying to see or touch you.

None of that applies in this situation, does it?

Ha! Exactly Shoopy

It's totally normal in ballet, dance, gymnastics etc.

It's unlikey they'll all be trotting about completely naked. Most i know learn right from the start how to change without showing anything.

Long t shirt over the costume, leotard down and off, new leotard on underneath.

I can do a full clothes change, pants included, in seconds, in any public place. Probably without most people even noticing, and even if the did they'd not see anything.

Tell her she'll need to change, and get her a long tee in case she's not comfortable.

she shouldn't show her bare bottom to strangers

She won't be showing anyone anything.

That's fine OP and I will be deleted if you are legit. It just seems an odd subject for a first post (or first post-name change) and given there was a very similar post about a little boy yesterday and there are some odd people lurking, it doesn't hurt for people to be cautious

Why don't you volunteer to chaperone?
I doubt the volunteer chaperones would be dbs checked tbh. When my dc were in shows, I volunteered, as I don't think it's fair to leave all the work to others, and they never asked if I was DBS checked. I imagine it's hard enough to get parents to volunteer as it is (doesn't seem to have crossed ops mind for example), without then expecting them to fill in reams of paperwork.

OP, maybe there is a more relaxed dance class near you? My DD learns 'ballet' and 'street tap' but frankly it would be more accurately described as 'prancing around'. The dance school mostly teach street dance and the teachers are not qualified in ballet. So no good at all if you want a ballerina. But DD doesn't want to be. But she does enjoy her 'prancing around'. They do still need to dress up for shows but there are no strict rules and if you refused to put a smear of make-up on there wouldn't be an argument (we do, but the amount has changed over the years!)

Again, if you are uncomfortable with this then don't do it. But I don't think letting her get changed quickly in front of DBS checked staff at a ballet show is the same as 'showing' her bum to people. The NSPCC advice is good advice but shouldn't prevent us from making sensible distinctions between situations where your DD is likely to be vulnerable and situations where she is protected. I would just explain to her that dance class is a time when she can get changed quickly into her costume and no-one will be looking at her, but of course she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to.

Yeah, you're right Trifle. I think we do that this time (explain that it's an exception) but then we look to move out of this particular dance school and try and find a more relaxed prancing around one (which is all she really wants at this stage).

They really are weird though. Who on earth cares if a five year old's pants show through her leotard?! It's not the National bloody Theatre...

I think it's a really stupid rule for little kids. They could ask for plain underwear if npthey wanted.