To think this no pants rule is bloody weird?

[tinkiiev]

So; just discovered DD (just turned 5) is in a dance show - didn't realise her weekly tap classes were building up to this....

Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it, but also, apparently they have to wear NO PANTS.

We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up at the end of the show (930pm).

So my only just 5 year old is gong to be expected to strip right down to her bare bum backstage without her parents there. Apparently there are "chaperones" but I have never met any of these people.

I'm sure she won't mind; she'll have a great time; but I think it's really odd - she's 5 - she's too little to understand what's appropriate and what isn't and I've been trying to teach her that bottoms are private and nobody else should be seeing hers; only if me or her father are there and there's a good reason (e.g. At the doctor if we say it's ok).

AIBU? I was pretty shocked but the dance teachers looked at me like I was some kind of outmoded prude, and said if I objected, she'd have to pull out of the show.

tink but when does PE or swimming at school, you won't be supervising then.

I would suggest that you look at the nspcc poster and use that as the basis. It's not about making children fearful of the world, but about teaching them that it is their choice. That's the important bit. And if she's comfortable with this, then it's her choice.

I'm just pondering about a bunch of 5 year olds in leotards and needing the toilet.

DD has done several dance exams and shows and has worn pants for all of them.

They had to be high leg nude coloured pants for the last show but there were pants.

And yes, chaperones are DBS checked and registered with the council.

So volunteer to chaperone? I have for all the dance shows. The areason segregated by age and gender. Thereally are plenty of chaperones to supervise. This is perfectly normal. Everyone is so focused on quick costume changes that taking notice of bare bottoms is rare. The children all learn to get changed quickly and discreetly.

This is highly suspect. Be very wary of the motives of the organisers. There may be a good reason in their eyes but it is more likely to be something slightly more sinister. Expecting a child to remove their underwear in front of these "chaperones" is either ridiculously naive or downright perverted.

There is no need for your child to be put through this. For what reason is underwear unacceptable with this costume? Who exactly is going to be looking that closely during the performance to be upset by the presence of underwear? Why can't different costumes be used instead, something that wouldn't require your child to expose their genitalia in front of other children and (so-called) "appropriate" adults?

You should definitely kick up a fuss, and possibly consider going to your local paper or even the police. "If you suspect it, report it" - I know this is mainly said with regard to terrorism, but it applies in the situation of child sexual abuse too. Better they get investigated and be found to have done nothing wrong than for your child to be sexually exploited like this. Remember too that if they get away with this now, they are likely to try something more extreme in future.

It could all be harmless. But why risk it?

I don't think the changing part is any different to changing for school swimming.

darcybussell I can understand there are reasons for it, but they don't outweigh kids privacy. There are way too many cases of abuse coming to light to sanction things that take away children's right to privacy, or parent's rights to privacy for their kids.

There are always choices.

If knickers on 5 year olds are so important make having the right ones a requirement. Buy them in and pass on to parents at cost price.

Or change the costumes to be less revealing.

Or accept that children's underwear should not be teachers concern.

Or that parents are unlikely to care if someone's knicker lace sticks out of a 5 year old's costume!

Who is the show for? The children and parents. So let the children and parents decide.They are the participants and paying customers.

What are you planning to do when she starts school swimming lessons?

And I do wish people wouldn't use expressions like "showing her bum to people" when it's just a matter of getting changed.

Oh, and actually, quite often it's the girls who mind if their knickers show....it would be horrible to be the only one.

WLF I love the way you tell 'em!

Blimey- the police??????

Quite normal I think. Otherwise on stage you can see bunched up pants underneath the leotards.

The chaperones at the dance schools in this area are all mums or dads of dancers at the school.

Well, they don't do school swimming lessons till year 3.

I don't think it's a press/police situation (!!) but I do think it's unnecessary and confusing and over the top - of them. I didn't realise they were so full on or I'd never have signed her up in the first place.

Bertrand - obvs I know she won't be actually displaying her bum (!!) but TBH she's so little, she doesn't really get the idea of privacy super well at the moment, so I wouldn't put it past her..!! There's a really big difference between a just turned 5 year old and an 8 or 9 year old.

The point I'm trying to make is - she's at an age where I'm trying to teach her how to look after herself, what's appropriate and what isn't - and something like this confuses the issue unnecessarily.

Anyway I really do have to go; bowing out now; thanks again, all.

I think getting changed in front of other kids is different to getting changed in front of adults. Most kids of 5 or even 3 or 4, can dress themselves unaided. Swimming is the only class which requires removal of pants/knickers at primary, PE does not.

My son (aged 6) has swimming at the local pool. There are communial changing rooms (sex segregated); I'd be happy for him to use them but all the kids use the cubicals unassisted and so he does too.

For the record I do not think there is anything more sinister here than telling little girls (I assume, predominantly) that their privacy doesn't matter and all that does matter is what they look like!

The dance school will be preparing their older dancers for professional roles.They want to put on an unsloppy performance and show their school in a professional light.It looks 'pants' to have knickers hanging out of the bottom of leotards. and when other parents have spent so much on their DC's costume , it is unreasonable and unfair for your precious one to spoil it with her pants hanging out.
It is a normal part of dance , and the message you are giving her is extreme, youy will give her hang ups about nudity and communal changing/showers .What are you going to do when she goes swimming with the school.I can assure you nobody is going to be remotely interested in your DD's arse but if you think otherwise get her a big long skirt or changing towel to cover her modesty.
You had better not sign her up for gymnastics either because again that is no pants

All mums or dads. Do your child's friends normally see your kids without clothes? I expect no.

It is not that they are necessarily there with any ulterior motives but logic dictates that helpers do not need to see children changing underwear, so why put patents/helpers and most of all kids I. That position unnecessarily!

You can see underwear under a costume. Then ask parents to supply correct underwear. Or concentrate on the dancing and not what the kids costumes look like!

As you bow out can I just say please stick to your guns. The school have an over inflated view of their own importance of they would discourage a child fr bring included because her mum has genuine concerns about the message about privacy being set by this foolishness.

just tell the teacher if she asks that its totally unnecessary to have a no knicker rule.

she should tell a performing arts school how to put on a show?

This is highly suspect. Be very wary of the motives of the organisers. There may be a good reason in their eyes but it is more likely to be something slightly more sinister

This is completely ridiculous.

Lola talking to parents to suggest they have to toe a line they are uncomfortable with for genuine reasons for the sake of others is really unreasonable IMHO. The op has not said I want my daughter's knickers to stick out!

This type of 'professionalism' is the kind that says don't ask us to change, just toe the line. Things are done differently now with good reason. Kids nead to hear clear messages about privacy.

Your tone is very offensive, suggesting the Op is being paranoid, and I expect a lot of other patents have told their kids to not be so silly or worryy about this or that. Only to find they should have.

No, I do not think that is the case here but why not teach kids autonomy of body privacy young? Because it is slightly inconvenient!!

lola schools are not able to dictate everything. I think the OP would be totally reasonable to send her child in knickers and complain about the request.

If much of the revenue is likely to come from photo sales it will matter if a child has pants on show.

I had a lovely pic of dd in a show i can't display because the child next to her is wearing stripey boy short pants under her leotard. You can see more of the kids pants than is hidden.

Ps do those older dancers also have no rights to privacy? A not of a culture there then!

Oh so she will be wearing a leotard? Surely that is fine.

really maybe the kids costumes should be less skimpy then?

My ds does gymnastics, and has just passed some sort of exam. The teachers just asked that the children's clothes were comfortable, but not too big and baggy. No one had to wear skimpy outfits, and everyone was allowed to wear underwear.