To think this no pants rule is bloody weird?

[tinkiiev]

So; just discovered DD (just turned 5) is in a dance show - didn't realise her weekly tap classes were building up to this....

Not only do we have to fork out about £100 for a special t shirt, extra rehearsals and tickets to see it, but also, apparently they have to wear NO PANTS.

We have to deliver them to the stage door an hour before the show; they go backstage without us and get changed - no pants!! - we pick them up at the end of the show (930pm).

So my only just 5 year old is gong to be expected to strip right down to her bare bum backstage without her parents there. Apparently there are "chaperones" but I have never met any of these people.

I'm sure she won't mind; she'll have a great time; but I think it's really odd - she's 5 - she's too little to understand what's appropriate and what isn't and I've been trying to teach her that bottoms are private and nobody else should be seeing hers; only if me or her father are there and there's a good reason (e.g. At the doctor if we say it's ok).

AIBU? I was pretty shocked but the dance teachers looked at me like I was some kind of outmoded prude, and said if I objected, she'd have to pull out of the show.

Not wearing pants isn't unusual for dance

Chaperones will be dbs checked and have done some sort of training (presumably covering safe guarding)

What is weird to me is that they're making things so difficult! With five year olds, surely having a leotard as a base layer makes sense. Do you know for sure this isn't the case? I remember a lot of dance costumes when me and my sister were little being white leotard with various sparkly skirts, simply, cheap and easy for 20 5 year olds to get themselves dressed

In a theatre setting all chaperones and volunteer helpers would be DBS checked at very least. Chaperones are licensed by the LA. DBS volunteers cannot be left with children unsupervised nor do loo runs.

I would say I will send her in the leotard ready to go. I think in this day and age knowing all we know about past abuses that any rules that leave child unnecessarily vulnerable in this way are wrong.

If she bans your Dd from the show Id personally kick up a right stink.

Of course I am sure all the chaperones are lovely and nothing inappropriate would ever happen.... Oh no wait, I don't I've got the teachers word for that and... Oh yes she would possibly not know anyway!

It is not the age to be allowing this. In the past we did because we had no idea so many people who worked with kids could have unpleasant motives.

Wanting your 5 year old not to be naked in front of strangers is not prudish, it is called good parenting. Do not let this teacher make you feel in the wrong.

Whether the chaperones are checked or not it is unnecessarily for them to see children naked. Most 5 year olds van dress themselves suitably. They could were leitards under normal clothes and take a costumes. Expecting children to go anywhere without knickers us not necessarily. My son gets changed for swimming in a changing room alone.If the swim teacher said send him without pants as he won't be wearing them I'm the pool, I might laugh in her face! I certainly would not teach him it was ok to naked on front of strangers (at the doctors if he needs a physical exam, which he has had, I have been there). Some children are naturally private, teaching them this is wrong is really unhelpful, IMHO.

harderabdharder I want to see those 205 year olds dance!

Exactly, Italian - I'm sure the chaperones are lovely but it seems unnecessarily confusing for someone so young.

Lobster - DFOD.

itsmine There was one very similar here yesterday. OP you know the no pants rule is weird, so I don't know why you'd make a thread about it.

Thanks itsmine

we had all this when DD2 was that age- I wouldn't at all assume that the 'chaperones' are DBS checked, in my experience they were just other parents (who may well have been more concerned with their own kids) or older girls. There were large numbers of children and the chance of something going wrong (eg child loses frock and has meltdown, child falls and hurts self etc etc ) seemed high to me. I'd ask to look at their safeguarding policy. The no knockers thing is wierd and people in those circles, I think, have just lost touch with what society views as normal. Seems unhygienic apart from anything else- if there is more than one show do they have to have more than one leotard?

oops

no knickers!

No pants in dance is usual. Having seen a group of 5yos perform in white tutus that you could see exactly what was on their underwear if it was coloured then you'll understand why.
What my 16yo uses is an under leotard-basically a skin coloured leotard, which does for both bra and pants. I don't know how small they do them in though.

Chaperones should be LA trained, which includes a dbs. Although it does depend on the LA how extensive the training is... Ours is 2 evening course.
But if you've ever been a chaperone then you'll know you don't have time to look at bare anything. It's more tiring than anything else I've done. You don't get chance to do anything other than the necessary keeping safe and happy.

we had all this when DD2 was that age- I wouldn't at all assume that the 'chaperones' are DBS checked

How long ago was that?

I haven't known anywhere in the last 5/6 years that has allowed anyone who isn't checked to chaperone. It wasn't always the case prior that though.

I meant yo add properly trained chaperones is a legal requirement. A lot of dance schools do a head in the sand over that, but they could be prevented from performing by the LA if they found out.

I'm still laughing at you proving your a NCer by quoting previous posts - doesn't your NC make it clear you've been around?!

I was a dancer for years. TBH we never thought about the changing - it was usually Mum volunteers who did a show each whilst the others watched the show.

Nowadays there is actually under leotards you can buy to avoid the whole naked under a leotard look and do those back stage quick changes with dignity!

Can you get her some nude vpl pants (so they exist in a 4-5?) and say your DD wants to wear them?

I spent many a happy morning dying white pants with teabags to make them flesh coloured for DD's dance classes and shows.
I think no pants at 5yo is unnecessary.

At my DC dance school all chaperones MUST be CRB (or similar) checked and no one is allowed backstage if they not.

http://www.movedancewear.com/dance-underwear/ this website shows the sort of thing I mean

It's totally normal op, otherwise you would see her knickers sticking out underneath.

Honestly it is the norm. No big deal though to say she would be more comfortable in nude knickers I'm sure.

its normal in the dance world - just send her with tights and leotard on already if you can. Teach her to keep herself private when changing and if you are really worried volunteer to chaperone

Youarenotkiddingme you know, the funny thing was, I was really surprised to see my own username (!!) and couldn't remember changing it! And just now it came to me - that brilliant thread about tinkiiev - and I had the genius idea of name changing and then posting as tinkiiev. By then was too chicken and thought it would be too troll-like (even though I would have immediately confessed). So, not really made of the right stuff to be a real perv troll interested in small children's underwear.

Anyhoo - I think they are dbs checked; she said that; but like I said - it's not the concern of anyone actually seeing her bum, or anyone doing anything untoward, it's working out how to explain to her that in this situation it's ok. The swimming comparison is ok but when she goes swimming, it's me or her dad who get her changed. Or her nanny. Not a bunch of "chaperones" whom we've never met.

I think we have to suck it up this time and I'll have to explain to her that this is an exception, but I think then we quietly but swiftly move away from the weird world of dance.

You've all been really helpful (well, with a couple of exceptions ) - thanks! Going out in a mo so won't be posting.

I think you're overreacting a little bit. The reason ballet teachers say no pants is because they will have had so many kids turn up with massive frilly patterned knickers on, they stick out of he bottom of the leotard and look ridiculous. I've taught kids dance before and it's just much easier to tell the mums not to send them in pants. They could say pants are ok provided they are small and high cut and nude coloured and don't stick out the bottom, but it's just easier to say no pants so you don't get daft parents sending their kids in massive frilly knickers.

There's nothing more to it than that. Just tell your DD that bottoms are private and that's why she is wearing a leotard to cover hers up.