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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Daddy daughter time

212 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 25/11/2016 18:49

Hi all. So me and DH have been arguing quite a lot recently abit a few different things so apologies for my continuous threads. There now seems to be another thing to now add to the list.
DH is angry with me because he feels like I never give him time to go out or spend at home on his own with DD on a regular basis. I go out with my friends probably once/twice a month but I don't go out till around 7 and then DD goes to bed at 7:30. I haven't sort of done it on purpose but I will admit that in the past if DH has said maybe I'll take DD out for breakfast or something like that I've said I want to come. He's just gotten really upset with me, practically in tears, he just wants to have a good relationship with her and be the dad that he never had. I now feel quite stupidly and pathetically unwanted as I don't really see DH in the week at all apart from maybe an hour in the evenings and family time the three of us feels precious.
He made me not feel that sorry for him when he then became angry and said, "if I could go back 4years I think I would have insisted on being a SAHD and let you stay in your job and treat you exactly how you have me just so you could really understand how I feel". Have I really been that unreasonable? I said to him that if he loved me he wouldn't say something like that bevause I would never wish for him to be upset like that and he said if you really loved me then you would realise what I give up so you can be at home and would have said to me on more than two occasions in 4years, "take DD out and have some time alone together"

OP posts:
Ragwort · 26/11/2016 17:04

You sound incredibly needy and demanding OP - surely most people would love time on their own at weekends/evenings to do their own thing, whatever that might be ................. I have an only child and DH and I don't do everything together with him, from the day he was born DH would take him off and do their own thing together, they still love holidays together etc etc. Are you really so insecure in your own company?

I have a friend like you, she honestly can't bear the thought of her DH doing something on his own with the children they are nearly 20 now.

daisiesinherfootsteps · 26/11/2016 17:23

In the nicest possible way YABU. I have dropped to part time while the DC are small which inevitably means I spend more 1:1 time with them. I jump at the chance for some alone time while DH takes them off somewhere at the weekend. Like you said, kids are in bed by 7:30 or so so you get alone time with DH then.

We are now at a stage where I have been away for a few nights alone and DH has now taken them both away without me to his DP and we both noticed the difference in their closeness (esp the toddler) to DH after the trip. You need to give DH the chance to bond, it's clearly really upsetting him.

I love time alone but I understand that some people aren't the same, so why don't you plan something fun with a friend while the kids are busy with DH?

septembersunshine · 26/11/2016 17:48

Op I think it's SO important to let them both have time together. We have two dd a d my husband takes each one swimming, to the cinema, shopping...on trips to London etc.. They love this so much. Get spoilt rotten and love holding his hand (they are 10 and 6). I can't tell you how lovely it is for them to build this special relationship with their daddy. Why don't you let them go together and have so.e you time? When they get back ask your dd will love telling you about their adventures. I think your dh is right btw. It's a lot part of childhood to spend time individualy with a parent. Plus if something ever happened to you she will have a very strong bond and relationship with her dad.

slenderisthenight · 27/11/2016 00:08

You sound incredibly needy and demanding OP

I disagree, OP. Going on your posts, would much rather sound you than the person who wrote this.

slenderisthenight · 27/11/2016 00:09

like you

slenderisthenight · 27/11/2016 00:11

Whatever Shoopy, I think I know which of us has been a blind bit of use to the OP Wink

Tryingtostayyoung · 27/11/2016 00:54

Just to clarify DH and I didn't start arguing this morning because he felt like what we agreed the night before wasn't enough. I don't want to be to specific because it's outing but I basically said something that caused him to feel that although I was listening to his feelings and actively making a change I wasn't sympathising with him and felt I was treating him like he was being dramatic (I definitely wasn't, this is an ongoing issue that he has with people).

OP posts:
Dieu · 27/11/2016 07:13

YABU. Why do you feel threatened at the thought of them having a relationship outside of you?

Tryingtostayyoung · 27/11/2016 07:31

I don't feel threatened by them having a relationship? I've never said that. They have a fantastic relationship, DD absolutely adores her daddy it's just become a situation that they don't really spend a lot of time together without me

OP posts:
Inthenick · 27/11/2016 07:36

You need to accept that you and you DH have a relationship that is nothing to do with your DD, and both of you will have a relationship with your DD that is nothing to do with each other.

I think YABVU to your poor DH who is yearning for some special memories and a good relationship with his daughter.

tinkiiev · 27/11/2016 07:41

I think you're now doing the right thing and should continue to listen to slender who is giving excellent and supportive advice.

Hang in there Smile and listen to each other, and don't be afraid to tell each other, but gently, how you really feel (seems like some not telling each other has built up a bit).

Your DD is lucky to have two parents who clearly love her so much and who are trying so hard to do the right thing for her and each other. Flowers

Tryingtostayyoung · 27/11/2016 13:46

tinkiiev absolutely, us not always telling each other exactly how we feel is something that has always been an issue, we both the kind of people that tend to just want to move on instead of really talking about our feelings

OP posts:
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