Oh dear OP, I'm another one who had a mum like you amongst other things.
If you don't tackle it, and not just with words, this will fuck your relationship up with your daughter, not just your husband.
Please get help. Get counselling as soon as possible and try to start resolving your own issues (you could also offer to have couples counselling but I think you need your own first). If you're anxious and depressed, especially after your miscarriage, please talk to your GP about medications.
All these things are long-term solutions and won't happen overnight, but you can work on this, honestly.
The problem is, you might not have seen it this way, but I think it's a form of abuse to act like this. Being jealous of their relationship and passive-aggressively driving a wedge between them for four years is long-term behaviour, not just caused or excused by recent events, and it's not healthy for any of you.
You don't need to become a martyr, or step back with overly grand gestures - passive-aggressive "woe is me" stuff won't help here. Try to look at this logically: there's a broken thing and it needs fixing.
If you were able to ignore his many subtle hints on this, you've possibly been overriding him in other little ways without noticing it too. So start listening, actively listening. If you're finding this too difficult, maybe couples counselling would be a good first step?
I really hope it works out well for you - this might be a really good wake up call if you listen. I wish my dad had made a bigger deal of stuff, it bodes well for your daughter (and you) that he's speaking up.