Daddy daughter time

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Hi all. So me and DH have been arguing quite a lot recently abit a few different things so apologies for my continuous threads. There now seems to be another thing to now add to the list.
DH is angry with me because he feels like I never give him time to go out or spend at home on his own with DD on a regular basis. I go out with my friends probably once/twice a month but I don't go out till around 7 and then DD goes to bed at 7:30. I haven't sort of done it on purpose but I will admit that in the past if DH has said maybe I'll take DD out for breakfast or something like that I've said I want to come. He's just gotten really upset with me, practically in tears, he just wants to have a good relationship with her and be the dad that he never had. I now feel quite stupidly and pathetically unwanted as I don't really see DH in the week at all apart from maybe an hour in the evenings and family time the three of us feels precious.
He made me not feel that sorry for him when he then became angry and said, "if I could go back 4years I think I would have insisted on being a SAHD and let you stay in your job and treat you exactly how you have me just so you could really understand how I feel". Have I really been that unreasonable? I said to him that if he loved me he wouldn't say something like that bevause I would never wish for him to be upset like that and he said if you really loved me then you would realise what I give up so you can be at home and would have said to me on more than two occasions in 4years, "take DD out and have some time alone together"

No, you're wrong. The Op has affirmed the importance of her Dp bonding with dd. It's not that it's odd to want one on one time and you've been preaching to the choir on that one since yesterday where the op is concerned. Are you just scanning her posts to accuse because you seem to be on some kind of crusade.

What cool wives seem to have started to pursue the op for goes further -a set up where the Dp can take his dd off without consultation, because apparently she has this right and he should have it too. Also wrong.

Not being able to do some without consultation is not being 'denied' and there's nothing to suggest that the op has more rights than her Dp at the weekend -they just want different things and are finding a resolution. And they seem to have done so.

Stop reading the op's selectively. There is nothing to suggest her Dp needs this crusade or wants anything more than what he has expressed and is now in possession of.

Sometimes things really are just simple.

The overwhelming majority of people on this thread think that the OP's DP should be able to take his daughter out alone and should not have to get "permission" or only do it on pre planned occasions (although pr planned occasions are fine too), and that is something that happens in most functional families where circumstances allow. The overwhelming majority of people on this thread have said that the OP should stop trying to prevent this happening, and should perhaps think about dealing with the issues she has that makes this worrying and ups thing for her.

Why are we focussion on the one or two posters who are not part of that overwhelming majority?

Using cool wife as an insult is always trotted out its defensive nonsense i hate it anyway op he is your Dds equal parent too you dont get the final say he wants to take his own Dd out you have turned this into a hoha it doesn't have to be swimming and breakfast every other saturday is not a huge deal is it ?

You're the one crusading, slender, and making stupid, passive-aggressive digs at posters calling them 'cool wives'. It makes you sound pathetic. Nobody's pursuing the OP, there are just other viewpoints out there than yours so just stop it.

Ugh cool wives **

I think I just threw up a bit.

Besides, some of us are being #cooldaughters. Get it right.

I'm going to break with the other posters here and bet that your husband is trying to establish time alone with DD in order to fight for residency when he announces that he would like a divorce. The way he's been lashing out at you increasingly, the way you feel no affection and love from him? This seems to me to be a way for him to be able to later tell judges and so on that in spite of you being the one to put in a huge amount of effort with this child, his saturday daddy breakfasts mean you should get a 50/50 arrangement.

I'm the only one who seems to have RTFT and I know I've understood because the op has confirmed it. She isn't in need of the ' wisdom' that you lot are rather bitchily bestowing.

Doubtless it would be more fun for you to tear into her if she did, in fact, want to prevent these one on one times. But instead she sees the value of them and has bent over backwards to make any (she acknowledges) irrational feelings a complete non issue.

Problem solved. No evidence whatsoever that she is controlling, just a bit sensitive and has addressed this to the family's benefit. No evidence that her dh is still unhappy after a resolution that exactly matches his stated desire. Only someone with an odd agenda would still be here picking holes in someone who has made themselves rather vulnerable and followed advice to fix things.

Well it's like this; it's a chatboard. An open one and we are all members of it. Whether or not you agree with the opinions given, we're able to give them without ratification from pompous posters who don't agree.

Perhaps if you suggest to OP that you take her away from all this and the conversation continues via PM with just you, you can continue sending flowers and leave the 'cool wives' to their own mire here?

Well it doesn't seem to be resolved. It's an issue that's been going on for years, is currently causing arguments, and last night's chat didn't resolve things because there was another one this morning.

So the family hasn't benefited yet.

And, yes, it's perfectly reasonable to disagree with other posters. It's a bit unreasonable to call people names and insult them because you disagree.

And she hasn't bent over backwards to make her feelings a non issue. She insists on tagging along when her husband suggests taking the daughter out on his own, seemed surprised that no one else had a problem with it in their own families and emotionally blackmails him with, "if you loved me..."s.

Exactly lying. It's an open chat board. You don't get to tell people to stop it and you have to lump the opinions you don't like, regardless of how many times your username appears in the mumsnet pontificating rule books!

The sarcasm and condescension don't suit you BTW.

But it's not resolved because he's still pissed off.

No, as I've mentioned before s and as is clear in her op, her Dp used that language and she has organised a different activity for herself at the time he has stated that he wants dd alone.

FFS. What is your investment in reading so selectively? No don't tell me. I don't actually care.

Why the personal insults? Just because we disagree there's no need to derail the thread. You are the only one with an agenda here to do that. Kindly stop it.

Or carry on. I'll post around you. :)

She hasn't explained why he's still annoyed and the assumption that it's because the Saturday mornings aren't enough is just that, an assumption. Given that the OP has indicated this is more the last straw than the central issue, it seems likely that he's still pissed off because he wants other unspecified issues also resolved. I think it sounds really sad actually and there isn't enough info to harp on at her on any tack.

Actually, if you read the OP again, and properly, you'll see it was the OP who used that language. He simply replied in kind.

No lying , just responding to your condescending explanation of the nature of the site and instructions to stop doing things you don't like! That was a bit of a derail but expect to be called on it if you try it. Anyway, I don't think the OP will return and would hope she feels able to stay a new thread about other issues. Preferably under a new username as she's been unfairly treated here IMO.

So there seems to be two issues first dh wants alone time with DS. Stop trying to geg in. He should be able to take her for breakfast, daddy daughter dates, days out when he wants to without you and without having to ask permission. Secondly it sounds like you want more time with dh. Separate this from time with DS and make the for a date night/ day with your dh and sort babysitting.

Exactly, Shoopy, that's been raised before. OP's husband responded in the same way after OP did, in response.

I hope that OP is talking to her husband away from this thread; he's the only one who can really resolve these issues with her.

Yes sorry s I see that now. It was said in response to a rather vindictive comment about wishing to cause her pain. How manipulative of her to observe that such a desire is incompatible with a loving relationship.

Actually, he said...

"if I could go back 4years I think I would have insisted on being a SAHD and let you stay in your job and treat you exactly how you have me just so you could really understand how I feel"

There was nothing in that about wanting to cause her pain. Unless you've also extrapolated that her behaviour caused him pain.

He just wanted her to be able to see it from his perspective rather than just her own.

I think it's you who have intended to mis understand and you who has intended to derail the thread and you who has an agenda.