to not want my son in just his swimming trunks on stage?

[wwoonn]

It's for a dance show... He is 4. Would you be happy with this?

Believe me, he won't be cold on a stage under stage lighting.

And I too would take trunks to mean shorts.

I couldn't care less other than I would worry about him being cold but then I don't worry about paedo's round every corner

The most common item worn by boys at DS's swimming class is cycling style shorts. Few of them wear rash vests at that stage. (The class is 4+)

Girls typically wear one piece costumes. There's no practical difference in a girl of that age wearing only bottoms, but there is a cultural difference. Most girls will go from the onsies in infancy to a more grown up style without adding a stage of bottoms only.

Dancewear tends to be close fitting to see the lines of the body.

Dd always used to take a dressing gown with her for a cover up/warmth when she performed in shows at the theatre.

Now she uses her tracksuit.

Make sure lining is towelling or mesh though not fleecy as the bits come off on costumes/ballet tights!

An all in one cycling short style swimming costume would he close to a boys dance unitard but I'm guessing the teacher is trying to keep the cost down for parents by suggesting swimming trunks they already have.

Op how do you feel about Speedo/Zoggs etc having images of boys in trunks on their websites? Someone who wants to see a boy in trunks only needs to google it. They don't need to run the risk of filming a child in a play you're being overly paranoid.

Children at dance and stage schools wear all sorts of costumes for different themes.

Tbh if you are getting this wound up by swim trunks I think maybe a future at these classes is not the best thing for your son!

My only worry would be that my kid would decide she's cold and refuse to perform like that. She's a stubborn little git Or worse expect to go for an actual swimming session,and i's have to take her to the pool after.

The thing about the 70s was surely that children were not believed when they reported abuse or their experience was minimised. It wasn't that there were lots of people frotting away in the audience of a junior dance performance......any more than now.......

And the dark web post was a joke, right?!

Spotty - well how much more revealing do you think the costumes are going to get? You make it sound like swimming trunks will be just the tip of the iceberg when in fact it's more or less the minimum amount of clothing without being naked.

Well I remain totally in agreement with OP. I don't get the comparison with being at the beach, surely people are aware that dress codes can be appropriate in one setting but not another. Again, when my children were 4 I would not have been happy about them being on stage practically naked. It is totally about consent and dignity. As far as I'm aware I don't know any paedophiles. But I do know plenty of people who would notice children's body types and little imperfections. In my kids primary school there sadly would have been whispers among the audience about which child was a bit overweight etc. 4 year olds don't know how to protect their own dignity so adults have a responsibility to do it for them!

Diemme well put. It IS about setting. I was saying the other day that there's no need for men to wander the streets topless in the summer. In fact I hate it!

Because there's a time and a place for that...ie the beach or pool.

And that's also right about dignity and consent. A 4 year old is not capable of choosing what's right or wrong in this situation.

Absolute madness. Dignity? It's a show. He's 4. He probably wears swimming trunks to go swimming. If he's cold it will only be for a few minutes and, anyway, he is supposed to be dancing which will, you know, warm him up.

Ontop did you not understand Diemme's post?

Do four year olds not deserve dignity?

Swimming is not the same as standing on a stage.

Diemme totally agree.

The thing is there's no point in him being half naked though. A rash suit works just as well as a costume and is more comfortable for hanging round for hours backstage in. In what world would the dance school insist on his bare chest, what's the value in it? I'm sure if a girl turned up in rash suit rather than costume that would be fine too. I think and hope it's a fuss about nothing, and one of those situations where you don't waste time googling the exact definition of "trunks" and then challenging it, you just quietly send him in with something you're happy for him to wear, and that's the end of it.

The points about no photos are a bit tangential I think because even if there are no photos allowed they often flog an official video. If so, the dance school wants your permission to video your child so why on earth would they risk you withdrawing that permission?

Op tell the dance leader that he won't wear the required costume because it takes away his dignity. Then please do report back what is said

Hmm. Well, I think you wouldn't be totally unreasonable to ask if he could wear a rash vest and shorts, but then again I wouldn't bother - I find it very hard to imagine that anyone anywhere will notice/care/think anything of the fact that a 4 year old in an "on the beach" dance routine is topless.

Topless males are pretty standard as you go through ballet/dance. Have a look at Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake. It's not double standards compared to the girls.

All that said, do mention it if you're uncomfortable. I do think a good dance school would listen to your concern and allow a rash vest even if privately they thought you were bonkers

No I don't make it sound like they will be more revealing but they wear costumes! Boys sometimes go topless and girls wear leotards both are all ' dressed up' to fit into character!

Yes! But just because she doesn't want him to dance on stage aged 4 in just Speedos it doesn't mean she/he are not suitable parent/child to attend dance class - if OP is bothered about skimpiness of costume, which she is, this is as skimpy as it gets.....unless the next show is going to be a production of Hair with a fully-naked cast of children...

Ok whatever.... parents today never cease to amaze me with the ridiculous attitudes towards mundane things.

Don't let him take part.... be that parent that refuses to allow the child to participate properly because you are so 'precious' just remember don't allow your child to wear swimming trunks in the swimming pool or on the beach because my God someone may see him!!!

Migs - he won't be 'hanging around backstage' in just the trunks though - that would be plain daft. He and the girls will be able to have clothes on over their bathing costumes - something easily pulled off at the last minute, like a tracksuit.

Professional ballet dancers dance in very, very tight tights - but I don't think that takes away from their dignity or makes them targets for perves.

I honestly don't see why people are getting in such a fankle about a room full of people staring at the OP's son. It's a performance - the whole point is that people will be looking at the performers.

If the OP doesn't want her child to dance on stage in just speedos, she should first have a discussion with the teacher, and ask if there is a compromise - the sort of trunks that cover more, that several of us have linked to, or board shorts - and if she cannot get a compromise that she is happy with, she should pull her son from the show.

But that would be a real shame, because he will have worked hard for this performance, and won't get to show off what he has learned.

Fwiw I totally get how some people are finding the idea of maintaining a 4 year old's dignity a bit bonkers. I know lots of people who'd agree with you. They tend to be the people who are blessed with gorgeous kids, fabulous physiques and oozing confidence. Of course they can't empathise with the pale puny ones, or those with unusual birthmarks, or the tubby ones with a bit of breast tissue who, yes even at 4 years old, have learned to feel sad when people laugh at them.

When mine were 4 they still wore swim suits rather than just trunks. I'd just put him in a body suit and not fret about it.

I would pull him from dance if I were you.

If you are getting stressed about a four year old wearing swim shorts for a themed dance then you will not begin to cope with leotards and tights and body costumes. For fucks sake never let him take up gymnastics.

I spend my life watching swimming and gym, dance shows and acting.

If a 4 year olds nipples make you swoon over loss if dignity I genuinely would get out now.