to not want my son in just his swimming trunks on stage?

[wwoonn]

It's for a dance show... He is 4. Would you be happy with this?

I wouldn't be happy with my DS having been asked to do this either. Firstly because he definitely would get cold but also because it's asking him to be on a stage with nearly nothing on. At least girls will have their top halves covered though technically there is no real reason why they can't just be in swimming trunks too at this age.

I wouldn't agree to this and would tell the, that he is only taking part in a uv suit that covers more or a t shirt on the top. Both of which would just as much convey being at the seaside as just wearing swimming trunks.

Wouldhave the difference is that it's not really possible to avoid swim shorts at the beach, everyone is dressed the same, it's a choice made by the parents to go on a beach holiday etc whereas it is totally possible to avoid it in a dance show for 4yo. The OP has not chosen "At the seaside" as the theme either, so it's not like she's signed up for a holiday and then is AIBU about not putting her DS in swimshorts on the beach.

TO all those thinking OP is being unreasonable by having a problem with it.

IF the OP had a 4yo DD who was expected to perform in just bikini bottoms and no top, would you definitely not have a problem with that also?

But everyone isn't dressed the same on the beach. I for one rarely venture out of my clothes on the beach!

YANBU I see where you are coming from, you are not being weird at all, I would feel
the same with my little boy who is 5.

Are you sure they have to be trunks? Most boys wear board shorts even at 4.
If your DS isn't bothered then maybe go along with it.

YANBU.

Well my 6 year old boy has been performing in dance and drama shows since he was 3 and I would have no problem at all with him appearing on stage in swimming trunks, if that was the theme of the routine. In fact he has performed in knee length shorts with a bare top, not a issue, the girls had tops on but it suited the routine. I suggest if you are having such a problem with the required costume then you should stop taking him to classes.

Wouldhave If OP had a DD instead of a DS, would that still be fine? A DD going on stage in just bikini bottoms?

I would definitely not be happy with it.

I don't think a 4 year old should be performing for a room full of fully-clothed people in basically just their pants.

He will be much more exposed than the girls, who don't even have any wobbly bits at that age to cover, unlike boys.

He isn't old enough to really give his consent for this or have an informed opinion and I think it's inappropriate.

Just to be clear, this has nothing to do with paedophiles. It's about the fact that it's his own body and it's not up to his dance teacher to decide he should wear this on stage.

Wouldhave In every dance show I've been at, the audience outnumbers the performers.

If an adult or older teen is ok with this as a performer, then I have no problem with it; they're old enough to understand the context. A child of 4 is not old enough.

As for the little girls, I wouldn't be wild about that either. It's a clumsy & thoughtless plan for a children's dance recital. The whole point of it is for parents to see how their little ones are doing. It's should be sweet and adorable. If one of the parents has serious misgivings then it's a bad plan.

IF the OP had a 4yo DD who was expected to perform in just bikini bottoms and no top, would you definitely not have a problem with that also?

Or, to put it another way: if OP had a 4 yo DD who was expected to go on the beach in just bikini bottoms and no top, would you have a problem with that also?

It's not a relevant question, because it's a societal convention that boys and men don't wear anything on their top half when wearing swimming trunks whereas girls and women do. If it's not indecent on the beach then it's not indecent on stage.

The audience will be made up of the loving relations of the performers, who will have their eyes fixed on the child they are supporting. Your little boy will have a whale of the time, will love all the fuss and attention and will enjoy the applause that is his reward for all the hard work and rehearsals.

Forget about the trunks, think of them as just a costume and enjoy your sons three minutes in the spotlight.

it's not up to his dance teacher to decide he should wear this on stage.

I think it is, really. If you go to the trouble of putting on a dance show you are perfectly entitled to tell parents that if they want their child to be in the show they need to wear what the show requires. No-one is forcing the child, because the parent is free to withdraw him from the show. It's not as if the dance teacher wants him to wear anything that would be illegal or indecent.

They're not on the beach though are they?

That would be a fair comparison if what happened at the beach was that a large number of fully-clothed adults sat in rows of chairs and stared at a handful of near-naked children.

It's entirely different when everyone is dressed for swimming and just doing their own thing at the seaside.

they're old enough to understand the context. A child of 4 is not old enough.

Do all parents have this debate when dressing their children for the beach? Or do they just put them in a swimming costume?

I think you're being precious. He's 4. If he were 14 you might have a point.

Shopping, you really are over-thinking this. The adults in the audience will be staring at their own child/grandchild etc with little time for any other child, and thinking how sweet the whole thing is. They really won't be sitting there licking their lips at the children in swimming costumes/ leotards/ tutus etc.

If he were 14 he could decide for himself

I wouldn't be totally comfortable with this either.

I agree I think it is a bit off, tbh.

I have never implied that anyone would be "licking their lips" ....in fact I explicitly said it's nothing to do with paedophiles.

I can think it's inappropriate and potentially embarrassing for the child without being a person who thinks everyone is getting sexual gratification from such things.

See what you mean OP, it doesn't feel quite right for your DS to be the only one with a bare top half. When you say "not allowed" to wear something baggier etc, who says? Have you discussed with them? As he is the only boy, it's not like he needs to match anyone, so I'd expect there to be some leeway. How about swim trunks like DS wears which are knee length, not baggy but certainly not tight? I can see baggy may not work for some styles of dance.

I think for me as pp said, it's dignity! I'd want him a little more covered in front of a room full of people. Could you suggest he wear a vest?

Just because he's 4 doesn't mean he shouldn't have someone advocate his need for a bit of dignity!