To be annoyed when asked to help out at a party that my kids aren't invited...

[Freakindeakin]

So a friend is having a birthday party for her child and her child has chosen the friends they want to invite. This does not include my children which isn't a problem, even though they are close, my kids don't even know it's happening.

But now I've been asked to help out at the party last minute. I'm happy to help as we help each other out a lot, but it means changing our plans of going out for the day and my kids will probably find out about the party and they're too young to understand why they won't be able to go.

Aibu to be slightly annoyed and how can I tactfully let her know?? I don't want to hurt her feelings as she wouldn't do it intentionally but it will really hurt my child's feelings if they find out they weren't invited to the party.

OP has only made this one post in 2 years.

Imagine if the friend was organising a friends night in, didn't invite you but then asked you to come round and help her with the buffet.....would you?

Same thought applies here.

Very rude and cheeky. No I can't, I have made other plans.

I wouldn't help out OP.
Take your kids out as planned and enjoy your day.

Reminds me of quite a few years back when I was friendly with a neighbour.
Our kids were similar ages so were invited to each others parties.

My son had just started reception......neighbour came round and said DS is having a party lets say Thurs afternoon.She said your DS won't be able to come because he is at school but I wasn't going to arrange the party around one school age child when all the important kids can come earlier in the day.

I was saying erm OK thanks for letting me know.

She then added that I was welcome to come round with the present and card and watch her child blow the candles out at the end of the party.

Have no idea why she thought I would go to a kids party without a child and why would I buy her kid a present.....yes I had bought a present for every other birthday but when your kid is invited to a party that is what you do. I never went and didn't buy the card or present either.

Maybe this is a reverse, and the OP is the cheeky friend?

Why would you want to help very cheeky

Did OP not come back at all? Very odd

SDTG - if the OP is the cheeky friend it is very obvious from the replies that she is being very cheeky and shouldn't ask for help from this 'friend' of theirs.

Stiffstink - It couldn't be.....could it???

Eek I fell asleep then got distracted by black friday..

No she definitely hasn't invited them, my son is 5 and it's a 6th party, they go to different schools though and it's a girls only party, she's been planning it for ages but last minute her hubby has to work away. I kind of agreed before asking exactly what it was, I can't believe she would be this thoughtless though, totally not like her, I wasn't sure if I was taking it out of proportion but your all on the same sheet so I'm going to put my big girl pants on and tell her...

You still havent said why you thought about it though

I'm happy to help.......but it means changing our plans of going out for the day.

Are you mad?

Freaking its a girls only party, and you have a ds in a different school. I would not expect him to be invited tbh. If you don't want to help, just say you have other plans.

Okay that doesn't sound as outrageous as it seemed in the OP. If its a girls only party thats a big detail to leave out. Just say no you can't help but I don't your friend is rude to ask for help. I actually think I would help in this case, if a good friend asked me.

One of the parents of children going to the party will be able to help her, I'm sure.

I can see why your DC weren't invited, though. A party where everyone already knows each other probably gels more easily.

That the party is a girls only one and you have a 5 yr old son does put a bit of a different slant on it but not by much. It would still involve you rejigging your day to sort her out. One of the other mums who does have a child attending the party should be able to help her out and if she does happen to take issue that you're not helping her out, suggest she asks one of them to help her instead as it makes more sense.

The lack of invitation makes sense then. But my response to being asked to help would still be "I'm going to be doing stuff with my kids".

There's no way I would help her out if my DC weren't invited! Just tell her you've plans with your DC, I can't believe you're actually contemplating it!

Why didn't you put all that guff about it being girls and school friends only , and your son being a different age in another school in your op? .
Doesn't sound quite so dramatic now...
I'm awaiting the "op has concerns about her privacy so we're pulling this thread" deletion message.
Ffs!

OK, YABU - if it's an all-girls party and your son doesn't even go to the same school then there's certainly no reason for you to expect him to be invited. And as for the guff about your DC 'not understanding' why he's not invited - seriously? He doesn't understand the difference between an all-girl party and a mixed one?

YANBU to refuse to help if you have childcare issues (or even if you don't fancy it) but not because your own DC isn't invited!

That's rather a massive drip feed!

Definitely a case of too little information in first post!

Erm that puts a rather different complexion on things, does it not? Why didn't you make that clear in your OP that they're at different schools and it's a girls-only party?

And what are you supposed to do with your own Dc whilst you are helping her out?

Different schools/girls only doesn't matter- wtf is she thinking?

And .... there's the missing piece of the story ^^

Ohh!! What?? Ha ha that makes a difference with regard to your DC not being invited. But I still wouldn't put myself out unless you could.