To be annoyed when asked to help out at a party that my kids aren't invited...

[Freakindeakin]

So a friend is having a birthday party for her child and her child has chosen the friends they want to invite. This does not include my children which isn't a problem, even though they are close, my kids don't even know it's happening.

But now I've been asked to help out at the party last minute. I'm happy to help as we help each other out a lot, but it means changing our plans of going out for the day and my kids will probably find out about the party and they're too young to understand why they won't be able to go.

Aibu to be slightly annoyed and how can I tactfully let her know?? I don't want to hurt her feelings as she wouldn't do it intentionally but it will really hurt my child's feelings if they find out they weren't invited to the party.

How thoughtless , rude & insensitive of her.

I really tbh would be rethinking my friendship with this person.

Surely she thinks she has invited your children and this is why she thinks it ok to ask for your help.

There must have been some sort of mix up with the invitations.

Nobody would actually expect your help at a party that your children have been excluded from. You need to check with her first.

I think JustSpeakSense speaks sense.

Put your children before your friend.

Just say 'oh no sorry I'm talking the children out that day'.
That'll give her the opportunity to say 'oh aren't they coming to the party?' If it is a genuine oversight.
If it's not an oversight then you'll have made your point quite nicely.

Leave it at that.

Aw sorry hun, if only you'd said earlier I could have helped, but we have other things we've agreed to do

I thought the same as Just - surely there's been some mix up and she thinks your kids are invited, nobody would be THAT crass surely? SURELY?

You need to tell her straight out in case she's overlooked your dcs by accident.

It baffles me that you would consider actually cancelling a pre organised family day with your kids to help at a party they've not been invited to. Why?

Another Just fan here.

Isn't the right answer "I'd love to help out normally, but I'm on child care duty that day, and I can't leave the kids home alone to come and help out at your party. Hope it all goes well" ????

I feel awkward at the best of times and even I would say 'no, I can't because I'll be with my (uninvited) kids'.

I can't believe that you cancelled your own family day out with your children to help a friend at a party that your children are not invited to. You have cancelled your kids day out to help out at her child's birthday party - bonkers!

Just say sorry you and your kids need to finish painting the new faddango but might join the end for cake and party bags.

Oh sweetheart!! Nooo! Don't do don't be a doormat!! Is your friendships with her normally this one sided? Blimey. I put up with shit for years from friends because I'm nice and kind, but never fecking again. Balls to that.

Just say no!

There was a similar thread about a wedding a couple of weeks back. Poster not invited to friend's wedding (in spite of receiving a "Keep The Day Free! card). Instead she received a text asking non invited friend "requesting" to help out with the decorations for the after party, so it could be a surprise for the favoured speshull folk who were invited.

I wouldn't even reply to such a piss-taker.

No!

Op everyone is in agreement it seems
You are being far too nice.

If her kids are 18 and yours are 3, then YABU!

I think I'd blink a bit and say "well no of course not, I'll be with the kids" in a tone that clearly communicated how much of a tit I thought she was

Hmmm my answer would be a big fat simple NO! Your friend is cheeky.

OP hasn't come back......

I'd say one of two things have happened here - either

1. Your children have been invited but she has forgotten to ask them or they have lost the invitation

1. They haven't been invited but some children cant make it so birthday mum needs to make up the numbers and she has asked you to help out so you will say "I'm not available as I'm taking the children out" so she can feign surprise and say "Aren't they coming to the party then?" and pretend they were invited the whole time

op hasn't come back

Well she is either a part time magician and done a disappearing act

Or more likely

Posted at 10.30pm, got distracted with life or fell asleep and will be back in the morning