To be annoyed when asked to help out at a party that my kids aren't invited...

[Freakindeakin]

So a friend is having a birthday party for her child and her child has chosen the friends they want to invite. This does not include my children which isn't a problem, even though they are close, my kids don't even know it's happening.

But now I've been asked to help out at the party last minute. I'm happy to help as we help each other out a lot, but it means changing our plans of going out for the day and my kids will probably find out about the party and they're too young to understand why they won't be able to go.

Aibu to be slightly annoyed and how can I tactfully let her know?? I don't want to hurt her feelings as she wouldn't do it intentionally but it will really hurt my child's feelings if they find out they weren't invited to the party.

Don't say you can't get childcare. For one it implies that you would do it if you could, rather than actually preferring to be with your children! And two it reinforces the fact that looking after children is the mother's job, with the father stepping in to help if asked.

What?? This is crazy! YANBU!!

It seems so cheeky, I'm wondering if actually a) she's forgotten that your kids weren't invited, or b) she did invite your kids but the invite was lost in the post / she used the wrong email, etc.

Do you think there's a chance one of these might apply? As others have said, if you're happy to go, I'd just say "I'd be happy to come and help, but there'll no one to look after my kids..." and she how she reacts.

TidyDancer's gluezilla bride has procreated quickly!

Just tell her to fuck off.

No. Just no. No apologies, no excuses, no reasons, just NO.

Oh come the fuck on people. Read the op.

'how can I tactfully tell her'?

Not real.

No, no and no !

and she's a friend? I don't think so! I wouldn't even ask to take my kids along even if I was silly enough to help out..

Don't you just hate it when the OP doesn't come back to the thread with a massive dripfeed and we all have to fill in the gaps ourselves.

Not sure about this thread- surely no one is that cheeky?!

Morris who would make up something like this though? It's not exactly full of sex, cheating spouses and jealous sisters?

Er, no, YANBU, unless there's some crucial info missing.

Just say 'No I can't; I'm spending the day with my family.'

What do you mean by 'she wouldn't do it intentionally'? Do you mean your friend is a bit thick and doesn't realise that it's not on to ask for your help at a party to which your kids are not invited?

Why are you contemplating tact with a user who doesn't have any herself? Are you Mother Teresa's reincarnation? If you can't tell your friend to fuck off you really shouldn't be allowed out on your own.

MrsHahaway

I do actually know someone who would do this and would do it with a smile and an excuse on her face... She changes her plans or looks to suit her then gets butt hurt when she's caught out. She also has more front than Brighton sea front/Blackpool pier. But then she is a massive user and drops friends when she has a boyfriend or gets back in touch with them when it suits her... Yes really! Her sister strangely enough is more polite re this.

In this case I'd just make an excuse and say you're taking your kids out for the day.

No need to get into an argument unless you want to do so.

Who would make it up? Anybody with any knowledge of MN who wants pages of posts after one short op. They come on every day.

I dare say they'd get a thrill out of being featured in the Daily Mail too.

Not sure about this thread- surely no one is that cheeky?!

You clearly didnt read the Gluezilla threads where the OP was told to save the date, then didnt get invited to the wedding when everyone else did but was asked to decorate the venue for the bride. The bride was genuinely incredulous that the OP refused to do it.

Bogeyface that's outrageous!

sadly very little shocks me these days.

OP if you fo come back, there's a very well known MN phrase which you'll do well learning. "No, is a complete sentence".

You don't need an explanation. Just tell her to fuck off you've got other plans.

I see I am not the only one who has remembered Gluezilla and her expectation that her MNer friend would decorate the hall for her - for free, iirc - despite not being invited to the wedding!

FreakinDeakin - I am not sure why this request is 'not a problem' for you - it would be a damn big problem for me if my children weren't invited to a party but I was expected to drop my arrangements with my uninvited children to help at the party they weren't invited to!

Just say NO!

I am sure that people do make it up, but in my (sadly extensive) experience, there are far more people out there that think behaviour like this is absolutely fine than we like to think.

Off the top of my head I can think of 4 people in my own family who would ask this and think that there was nothing wrong in it. Some people really do have necks cast in brass, all they see in other people is "What can you do for me?" they rarely reciprocate and ime are the first to take offence if they perceive any slight despite said slight never being even close to the rudeness they have shown others.

That is, I am sure that some people make shit up, but I am willing to bet that most dont because there are so many people out there that pull shit like this.

There was a similar thread about a wedding a couple of weeks back. Poster not invited to friend's wedding (in spite of receiving a "Keep The Day Free! card). Instead she received a text asking non invited friend "requesting" to help out with the decorations for the after party, so it could be a surprise for the favoured speshull folk who were invited.

Pretty sure that's TidyDancer's Gluezilla thread which is a couple of years old not 2 weeks!

I can well believe people would do this stuff in real life and see no wrong in it; but very rarely is it directed towards someone who sees no wrong in it either.
Cheeky friend hit paydirt in the op